[sph123]

I don't even know where to begin because I am so miserable. I came back three weeks ago from being forced to take time off at work (I was gone for 7 weeks). I went to my hometown where my parents still live and stayed with them while I saw a therapist three times a week and saw a psychiatrist a few times.

The therapist part was helpful, the psychiatrist part was semi-helpful. But now I am back to where I live and started going back to work last week. I have switched to a different therapist, however it's only once a week. I am realizing that perhaps I need more.

I am so miserable, sad, and so lonely. I keep thinking about my broken relationship from nine months ago -- mostly because I don't have any friends or a life for that matter to keep me distracted. I don't know what to do because I can barely make it through the day. I am so sick and tired of this sad. I can't call my psychiatrist because he believes that I really shouldn't rely on medication to get me out of an episode. I obviously feel differently. I just want to sleep so I don't have to feel this sad.

But mostly, my problem is that I am so lonely. I have been trying to "engage" as my first therapist had instructed, but I keep getting disappointed. I try to reach out to people, but everyone is so busy and they don't feel connected enough to me to reply back or to keep their plans with me. It's the loneliest feeling when no one wants to be your friend.

[Fuzzybear]

[flours]

Originally Posted by sph123

It's the loneliest feeling when no one wants to be your friend.

so familiar

[IrisBloom]

I hope you get the help you need and feel better soon.

[Stronger]

((((Sph123))))
You are not the only one. I promise.
If you have MDD (Which it sounds like you do) then one symptom can be hypersensitivity to rejection.

I saw my T twice a week after an episode that landed me in the hospital and seeing him twice a week literally saved my life later on. Once a week would NOT have been near enough, but twice was perfect.
And some people have depression that won't go away un-medicated.
I feel you, friend.
A tip: sunshine makes you a little happier, and so does excercise. It's not cliche. It's true. And I hope you can get connected somehow! That's also super important

[sph123]

Thanks so much for these supportive and kind words. I am trying to stick it out until I start into a routine with my therapist which is once a week individual and once a week group (which starts next week).

I am incredibly sensitive to rejection which seems to be this never-ending cycle of forcing myself to open-up and reach out to people, only to be rejected, then retreat inwards, then isolate myself, followed by extreme loneliness.

You're right, exercise really helps. I was going to the gym 3-4 times a week while I was out on leave and I am hoping, with my new job which starts next week, I can pick that right back up.

I hate feeling this type of pain and I wish I knew more people who understood what it's like to feel what I feel.