[Rubytuesday81]

I don't know how to word this, just that I've never felt as low as this ever. I have BPD and had a bit of psychosis which I was given antipsychotics but they made me depressed as did the contraceptive pill. So I've come off both and now have major depression. I started venlafaxine yesterday but aside from side effects I still feel like crap. I just wanna die. I can't face today. I have 4 kids and I can't even get out of bed right now to get the youngest one up. He's 18 months. My partner has had to leave me and go to work as he has had too many days off. He is in trouble with work because of me. I'm dragging him down. I hate him for leaving me when I need him most and can't cope but I also realise he has to go bit I'm so alone. So depressed. I need him. I have no one. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I just want to die, don't want to be here. I can't look after the kids. I'm a really bad mum.

[turtleman59]

You must have some family or friends ?

[turtleman59]

Are your kids safe?

[Hellion]

Sorry you're feeling like that, its not a good feeling but I can relate to it as I've experienced it multiple times though my situation is a bit different than yours....but there is nothing to be guilty about its not your fault you're experiencing those symptoms that's just the depression trying to tear you down. Is your partner supportive and know of your issues? And do you have a therapist to discuss things with at all currently?

I don't think it makes you a bad mom either, would you be a bad mom if you where sick with the flu or something and it interfered with you getting out of bed? If anything just try not to judge yourself....sorry if none of this is very helpful, but thought I should say something as no one has posted yet. Anyways I hope you can make it through the day.

[Yoda]

I am sorry you are feeling badly. I hope the venlafaxine helps your mood.

I have only one child and had difficulty caring for him when my depression was at its worst; it must be very difficult to be mom to four. I don't have much advice but I'd say do the most important stuff and let the little things go. Hug each child and tell them you love them. So what if they miss a few baths or their clothes are mismatched or not tidy. I read a book once that talked about "good enough mothering". Kids don't require perfect moms to grow up okay. Love them, feed them. Snuggle with them in bed if you can.

Keep posting and I hope you feel better soon.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( hugs )))))))))

[Rubytuesday81]

Thank you for the replies. It means a lot right now as I have no one to talk too. My partner tries to be supportive but I think he's had enough of me. I basically told him I hate him for leaving me in a crisis and going to work. I know he has to go but I was so lonely/scared/anxious. I've got no one to talk to. I'm on my own with the kids all day, I don't see anyone. I do have therapy once every 2 weeks at the moment but have missed a few as I've been so ill I just couldn't go. It's so hard and I'm scared of what feelings tomorrow will bring.

[waterknob1234]

Poor thing, depression makes it hard to focus or just do anything. I agree with yoda. Just do the basic most important stuff for the kids and let the little stuff go. That is enough. As long as they are fed, supervised, and loved, that is more than plenty. Hoping you will get to feeling better soon. It takes a couple of weeks for the meds to kick in and start working. Best of wishes.

[Altered Moment]

That is very difficult with kids. The venlafaxine you will have to give some time to work. 4 to 6 weeks to give it a fair shot.

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[lilypup]

.My kids grew up with my depression and they turned out just fine. Go to my blog if you get a chance. I have a long post on there about parenting with mental illness. I only had three kids, but I get the idea of why you are struggling.

Hugs to you and hand in there!