feeling pathetic

i just dont know what i want. im just so tired and dont have the motivation to do anything and i just feel so hopeless. my friend asked me if i wanted to hangout but im just not in the mood to hangout lately cuz of my depression (which she doesnt know about) so i told her im tired and made excuses and whatnot to tell her no. then i started feeling like an idiot for telling her no just because of my depression so i went back and told her lets hangout. like my depression makes me feel so pathetic and so stupid which makes me do stupid things like this and then i start feeling guilty later (if that makes any sense at all). like i just don't know what i want and what i want to do. i just feel just so pathetic and soooo stupid. (sorry if this post literally makes no sense at all).

depression tells us a lot of things that aren't true.

are you getting help? a therapist? a pdoc?

i'd also encourage you to be open. i have found that by being honest, my friends are more understanding (and those that are not, they aren't my friends).

you aren't pathetic. depression is a weight on your back and it makes everything harder to do.

and you make sense. :: hugs ::

Makes sense to me, I feel like that quite a bit...but yeah sometimes I end up hanging out with people when I really am not up to it because its hard for me to try to explain I am having mental issues and just need time to myself...and I'm not very good at lying about being tired or having stuff to do. Then a lot of times I have no idea what I want to do either, and feel guilty for stupid things.