I don't really know where to post this. Depression? Anxiety? PTDS? Psychotherapy? The mood seems to say to put it here.

So many boards and forums I visit or have visited seem to be primarily young people. I'm so glad that those people are reaching out at that time of their lives as they are trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of life, how to get to where they want to go, what's in their way and what to do about it.

I am not young.

So often I feel:

I don't fit in anywhere, here or IRL.

There is no point in trying; my life is already mostly over;

Although contentedness comes from inside, not outside, I feel like I'll never have those outside things that make life better: simple things like a car, washer and dryer. I feel ashamed I don't have the things that are so normal a part of most people's lifestyles. I feel even more shame that I had them and lost them;

I'm tired of struggling;

I'm weary from shame, from regrets, from confusion, from fear;

Life is hard, and ugly, and painful, and lonely, and disappointing, and cruel, and hopeless. This is the truth. And this is what connects us. And we can't move away from these things because they are always there in some form or another.

I try to contain these things, but sometimes I leak and they seep out.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( ECHOES ))))))))))))))))

Sorry no words but please keep trying..... it is worth it! I'm glad you posted....
xo Fuzzy

[EJ711]

Hi Echoes,

What a beautiful cat!!!

Messages on TV and the media send the message that they are no one, unless they have all these things: beauty, youth, money, cars, washers and dryers.

I had a lot of "toys", and now I don't, but I feel that God is as much in this time of meagerness, and He was in my time of plenty.

Don't give up hope, no matter how hard life gets.

(((((((((((((((((((Echoes))))))))))))))))))

EJ

[cajun]

Gives Echos an e-hug. I'm pretty old myself, but I'm still fighting to get better. I vowed never to quit. If I go down, I will go down swinging. Keep your faith. We are here if you need us.

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((Echos)))))))))))))

In my opinion, you are NEVER too old to do anything that you put your heart into. I can understand how this is frustrating for you, but you have to know that you are a valued member of this community, and that you fit in here just as much as anyone else.

Just keep posting, talking, sharing with us, and i promise that no one will think of you as "old" or of no value ... to me anyways, age means nothing, not on here, real life, nothing. No matter how old you are what you're feeling is REAL, and age doesn't make anyone else any better than the next person who comes along.

Try focusing on what you do have ... focus on the positive aspects of your life, and think about what you can contribute either on here, or in real life.

Jacq

[Pomegranate]

I'm older also. I have more life behind me than ahead of me. I came to the realization that I am the only one who can give meaning to my life, to decide that my life has qualtiy or not. So it's up to me to take each day and enjoy my life as much as is possible in what ever situation I find myself in.

I agree with you that very often life is hard, difficult and basically unfair. Maybe you might try to stop striving for "things" if it is unrealistic for you to want to obtain those things because of your financial situation. It's depressing to fixate on having that which you can not realistically ever expect to be able to afford.

Thinking that you are "less than" other people because you do not have the things most people have is also not a healthy way of thinking about yourself. If you think on a global level, that might help put things in perspective for you. Most people on earth do not have a "home" in the sense of the dwellings we live in here in America. Most people on earth do not have clean water, or enough water or a variety or enough food to eat. They don't have washers, dryers, stoves or refrigerators, etc. etc. I say this not to make you feel bad about yourself, but to help you feel okay with yourself.

I try to concentrate on and work with and enjoy what ever positives I DO HAVE in my life. Whether is be a radio, a comfy bed, a pet I love, nice weather, a spouse, a friend, a family member, a neighbor, a pretty sunset, clothes to wear, my favorite food, books, etc. etc. I do what I can each day to make myself happy, comfortable and to enjoy myself in what ever small ways I can. Only you can decide that your life is worth living for you.

If you don't have many or any people in your life you might try taking an interest in local affairs of one kind or another, or national politics, or some other kind of hobby or activities that interest you and give you something to look forward to and want to find out "what happens next?" so you have a reason on very bad days to hang on until tomorrow - if only to find out "what happens next?" in what ever it is that interests you.

[January]

(((((((((( Echoes ))))))))))))))

I was so abused as a child/teen that my age within doesn't match the years I have been on this earth. Sometimes I feel older than the earth itself, and sometimes I feel like a teen.

I have learned that my age is what is in my heart. I went to high school with a guy who was old in his heart at 16. I've met people in their 90's who live life with the abandon of youth.

I know what it's like to have nice things and lose them. I went from a wonderful middle class home to homelessness. But I survived, and that's what counts. You will survive, too, and that is truly what counts.

Sometimes I still mourn for my things, but I've learned to live without them. Give yourself time. You have shown yourself to be a wonderful, caring human being. You are one of the bright lights here. That makes you special, indeed.

Many hugs,

Jan

i am older than dirt. i've been up and i've been down. my retirement was stolen right out from under me last year. through the help of loved ones here, i got through it.

i never thought that i would be working at my age. but........i am. and i'm really grateful that i have a very good job.....i don't have many possessions now but i feel lighter, younger. i continue to weed things out and try to "lighten" my space around me. makes me feel luxurious to be in a "roomy" room. i have clung to some of the things that i loved and am glad i kept them....(by hook or crook ) but at the end of the day, it's enough for me to look around and see my pets and my books......my beads.....

we're never too old to look ahead. my mother had the local cemetery renovated (fences, shelter, etc. headstones) when she was in her 80s.....

even when we feel at our lowest, something good is going to happen. it might just be a new bud on a flower or a lick from a pet......maybe, in my case, some sunshine......

i have always enjoyed you and your contributions here and i will do what i can to help you......if you need me........xoxoxo pat

[(JD)]

Hope has no timeline

I, too, have fewer years left than already lived. For the rest of my life I will always be disabled, and functioning will diminish increasingly. I spend my time trying to find something that will last me, regardless.

We are not what we own. Many ppl use laudromats and relative's appliances. Yes, not having some things sure does make life harder. Been there. Could be there again, no one knows for sure.

Likewise, you don't know how life will change for you in the future. (No one does. NO ONE..). things can always improve!

Hang in there.

[Ripperjack]

I a not usually in a position to say this, but I know how you feel.

At 36 year old single computer geek virgin, stuck in the rat race running around in circles with no hope of family, friendship, love or sex outside of my "routine", I can fully sympathize with your thoughts, that its all over.

I've pretty much given myself to MMORPG's ( Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games ) as my source of companionship and social interaction. Sure its no permanent fix, but it will do for now.

Currently playing World of Warcraft and I hope Lord of the Rings Online in the near future.

((thank you)) all who took the time to read and/or respond. Lest I be misunderstood, I don't want for 'things'. When I am happy, I am quite happy with very little: a bed, books, music, food, a cat, sunshine, and yes nowadays.. a computer. Empty rooms are no problem; having no rooms is my fear. Wanting a car is about independence: it is very hard to feel not independent in mid-life. I want to be able to run to the store for something and not have that be an hour's bus trip; I want to be able to take care of myself in an emergency (like a hurricane or a health emergency). Washing clothes in the bathtub works, but I want to be able to wash clothes when I want to and need to. Those sound like luxuries but I think they are basic needs in modern times. Life is hard enough...

See how suffering connects us?

See how wonderful kindness is?

Thank you for sharing and for offering your kindnesses!