mixed bag

One good thing happened today. I found out for definite sure that my primary care doctor will still see me as a patient. I was afraid and had my doubts a couple of weeks ago when I went to see him because I did not get a return appointment. My friend who referred me to him went to see him today and she talked to him and told me that he will still see me and I am supposed to call him about my medications.

Work is still problematic. We had a quiet day today so I got a lot of stuff done but the 24 year old co-worker who seems to have it out for me copped a serious attitude with me towards the end of the day. The head nurse who is also a friend of mine still thinks there is a conspiracy going on to get rid of her. I think there is probably a conspiracy going on to get rid of me. My other old friend is now a "junior manager" and I am not sure whether to trust her or not.

I am still looking for another job but I haven't found one yet. I am so tired. I am tired of the stress. I wake up in the morning with anxiety attacks. I am having difficulty finding reasons to want to live. I cannot afford a therapist. I probably need to be in a hospital or something but I can't afford it. I just want to quit this job. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm so sad.

Just curious (feel free to ignore the question): If this young coworker were to leave, would the stress drop to a manageable level, or would it remain intolerable even in her absence?

Wishing you speedy relief...

Good question. I think the stress would remain the same. I think this co-worker is under some of the same stress as me, and has a lot of personal stress at home, but she is taking it out on me. Nobody is happy in that office. Management harps on us as if we are lazy worthless dirt. Everyday seems to be a new soap opera in the office. I am turning into a conspiracy theorist but I am not the only one. It seems as if the top management wants to turn the workers against each other and they are succeeding.

I wish I had more to offer than a virtual hug.

You deserve so much more than this, please keep believing in yourself, things will change eventually.

(((((Waterknob)))))

(((Waterknob)))
I'm sorry, it sounds like you are in a tough situation.

I do want to throw these 2 things out there...

Why is your doctor talking to your friend? It is prohibited by HIPAA unless you have provided written approval specific to allowing your doctor to talk to her. (I'm glad you got your question answered, but it sounds like your doctor may be violating the law)

With obamacare, you should have coverage for mental health whether it's through your employer or you have coverage from the marketplace.

I actually do have health insurance and it has very limited mental health coverage from what I have learned. It is very poor health insurance at that with a $3000.00 deductible which I have almost met. Everything is out of pocket expense. My primary doctor costs $77.00 which is cheap compared to some. I have to pay for labwork and x-rays directly. I was seeing a psychiatrist. He cost $300.00 for the first visit and $150.00 per month for subsequent visits. The therapist cost $150.00 every 2 weeks. On my small salary I just could not afford it. Sorry, not being political, obamacare did not help me.

((((Waterknob))))) wishing you good luck.

Waterknob
Yeah, obamacare doesn't have many affordable options. At worst, it will cover major medical, but not having the coverage you need for the treatment you need sucks.

Hi Waterknob: Are there any therapy services in your area that are offered on a sliding-fee scale... or perhaps some kind of therapy or support group you could join for free or at low cost? It really sounds like you need something in your life right now that can help to relieve the pressure you're under.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks Skeezyks, you have been very helpful. I am considering calling around to see if there are some less expensive counseling services available. My daughter told me she sees a therapist that costs $100.00 per session. I am going to search and see if anyone else would charge by a sliding scale fee. I also purchased a book on CBT and started reading it and doing the exercises. It is a little hard to follow. To tell you the truth, with my hectic work schedule I have not had the time and energy to pursue the job leads that came to my e-mail to apply for when it came to applying for retail jobs. I applied for a few.

Having a return of migraine headaches and a few other physical ailments. I am trying to hold off on going back to the doctor. I have a dental appt. tomorrow. I may call my doctor tomorrow and talk to the nurse but I know they will tell me to come in when I tell them my problems.

On the bright side my job has not been as stressful the last few days. Some changes were made that might be helpful. The young girl got upset working with a doctor that I find easy to get along with. She was about ready to walk out and quit so I volunteered to work with the doctor she was upset with and that made both of us have a good day. The "junior manager" got in a shouting mood at the end of the day but she really was not angry, just blowing off steam. However, the shouting did not help my migraines.

I am still thinking on your advice of earlier.