[iditp20]

I have an appointment with the disability part of my university this afternoon, its sort of the deciding point to see if i can study or not. I'm so anxious I could vommit.

What if they can't help me and this is it for me?

I have a diagnosis appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow, a few hours before I'm due to go on holiday. They are supposed to tell me whats wrong there and then unless its too complicated, they are going to change my meds and asess my care needs. This is going to trigger me and throw me into the bottom end of depression.

I'm so nervous and I have no motivation. I feel like such an idiot for having these problems, it feels like its always me that bad things happen too. I'm not sure what i'm alive for or why I am still here.

[Little Jay]

Aww sweetie, I'd be nervous in your situation too

Have you been learnt any calming techniques to help with your anxiety? I either try seven eleven breathing (breathe in for seven and out for eleven, it apparently for some sciencey reason helps slow your heart back down), or where you try and calm yourself by relaxing, breathing slowly and concentrate on what you can hear, so thinking I can hear the birds outside.... I can hear people laughing.... and so on.

I'm sure your university will want to do everything that they can to help you, and I doubt that they would deem you a lost cause! Which university are you at? I've known a few people who have had different sorts of problems and their universities have been brilliant. I see you're in the UK too so hopefully you will have the same experience.

Maybe going on holiday will help to lift your mood a bit after being triggered into a lower mood. I was in Mallorca a couple of weeks ago and it was up and down for me, but I definitely had times where I was having fun and totally felt almost myself again. Are you going anywhere nice? I hope you have a wonderful time!

And you are NOT an idiot for having these problems - you are only human, and we all have problems at some point in our lives (some of us are just less lucky than others!). I have the same thoughts about why am I alive, what's the point etc, etc. just like you do and i'm sure many others here do too. I know life can be so hard at times, but you have to focus on the good things. All your happy memories, the people you love, family, friends... I have to remind myself of all the things i'm living for all the time!.

Stay strong, you can make it through this. From experience, I've been the lowest of low sooo many times, but it always clears eventually even if it's not for long. This won't be forever!!! sending hugs and happy thoughts!

[iditp20]

I struggle to go anywhere by myself. As specially if I get a bad mood swing. Its the difference between life and death for me. It's the same in the house if I am left alone.

Unfortunately I haven't. Even though I have had councilling for PTSD, I sort of just keep getting passed on. I just have to do deep breaths and hope that it works out.

I was at Northumbria last year, my depression or whatever is wrong with me didn't help. I took an overdose and was in hospital for a while and they gave me a letter to give to the uni and they were completely useless, they just dismissed me.

I had to stop driving cause I would get in the car angry and that doesn't go well. Every time I looked in the mirror there was a white car following me no matter what. I had 3 crashes in 6 weeks so I stopped. This is the only way I could get around by myself when I have no motivation.

It's really hard when you don't know where you are at and have voices in your head. This year I have moved to Sunderland as my partner goes there,its smaller and they seem to be fast at getting back to Me when I told them the situation.

I'm scared to fly and know that if they tell me what's wrong I won't be able to cope with it and don't want new meds to mess me up. I forgot how to relax and enjoy myself.

With all of this I get kind of a short term memory loss. I genuinely can't remember what happened the day before or the day before that. So remembering stuff is non existant for me D:

[Idiot17]

Good luck.

[Fuzzybear]