[Rubybaby]

This is my first real post about my problems I'm dealing with. I have had major depression since childhood, I am now 53. I also suffer from Fibromyalgia and CFS, which are both flared up and making me so sick right now.

My mother, who I adored, died June 15. I just cannot get a grip on my roller coaster of emotions. I started seeing a therapist 3 wks ago (finally) and I am on Prozac (not helping much). Have an appt in Oct. w a new psychiatrist to possibly change meds. All the psych docs are so booked up, that was the soonest I could get an appt.

How do I keep on going, stay motivated, stop the negative thinking everyday? Some days are better than others of course. But the last 3 days have been torture mentally and physically. The feeling of just wanting to curl up and hide is getting stronger by the hour. I don't know how to keep up the fight.

I have been just existing for the last 10 yrs or so, absolutely miserable. Getting started w the therapist took a huge effort on my part, but I am not sure I can do this. I need some inspiration, motivation, or whatever you want to call it. Help please.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Rubybaby. My but you have had so many difficult things to deal with. No wonder you are hurting and depressed. If mama passed away on June 15 you are grieving a difficult loss that is very recent. As much as it is a painful loss the grief you are experiencing is normal. There is a certain process of grieving that people go through when you lose a loved one thru death. There is a forum here on loss and grieving you may find helpful. I remember when my father died of cancer the people at Hospice were very helpful to me with this issue. It still hurt. My mother died Sept. 16, 2009 and my father died Feb 5, 2010, 5 months later. It was rough.

I can identify so much with you, I am 52, have suffered from fibromyalgia and depression. I am glad you have been able to see a therapist. Perhaps your primary doctor can help in the area of medication until you can get an appointment with a psychiatrist. I know you are going thru a hard time right now, but you will pull thru this. Keep posting here. That is a start. There are many people on this forum who are caring and supportive. Meanwhile I have heard people say that in times like this sometimes its best to take things one day at a time and think, I can get thru this day. Wishing you all the best.

[Rubybaby]

Waterknob…Thanks for your kind reply. I will check out the grief forum. I'm new here so still a bit hesitant to post much. I'm sorry to hear you lost both parents, and so close together. My father died 6 yrs ago, but I wasn't close to him, we had a difficult relationship..so I didn't go thru this sadness when he passed. I know that sounds terrible, but he had been very sick (strokes) for 10 yrs and it was a relief for the whole family. My mom was so special, I always bragged about what a great mom she was.

I have gone thru so many yrs of constant depression, it's ridiculous. I don't tolerate meds very well, so it's hard going thru the trial and error of finding an AD that helps. I've also run the gamut of meds for the FM/CFS, now using a Butrans patch for pain w Vicodin for break thru pain. I want to get off the patch because it's not working as well as it used to. My primary doc is great, but I haven't seen a psychiatrist in several yrs so I think it's time to see if there's any other meds on the horizon.

My problem with lack of motivation just stops me in my tracks. I get so mad at myself that I can't make myself get up and do things. My house is a filthy mess, housekeeping is not easy for me. I overdo it and then crash for days. It's such a vicious cycle, and I'm so tired of it. I just hope I can see some improvement soon, I am so so so sad.

Thanks again….