[Crook32]

How can being bullied as a child effect you as an adult? I was bullied throughout most of school and feel ashamed that it may still be effecting me now. I try not to think about it usually but it was brought up in therapy yesterday.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mikeyboy]

I'd imagine it could effect your self-esteem, self-confidence, could shape the way you relate to others and how you handle conflict.

[quote=Crook32;3991631]How can being bullied as a child effect you as an adult? I was bullied throughout most of school and feel ashamed that it may still be effecting me now. I try not to think about it usually but it was brought up in therapy yesterday.

Hello Crook32: I have read numerous places that quite a bit of research now supports the idea the effects of childhood bullying last well into adulthood. Individuals who have been bullied have higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicidal thought, difficulty maintaining employment, etc.

I believe this to be true since I was also a victim.

[Silent Void]

I was bullied constantly as a kid. It totally f***ed me up and negatively affected my grades. I was constantly worried about being beaten up every day.

[flours]

In was bullied, too. I think that is the reason I cannot see myself as a normal person who deserves the same as anybody else. I always think I can watch the fun things only and never participate. At school I learned well how to be invisible because I needed to.

[The_little_didgee]

Bullying definitely leaves a mark. It has made me reluctant to socialize. Generally I observe from a distance before I approach people. It takes me awhile to warm up to people. I wasn't like that before.

When I was a teenager the bullying really affected my self-esteem and made me depressed. I had to quit because it was so bad. I also wanted out of the disgusting superficial world of school.

[Velouria]

Don't feel ashamed. My older sister was bullied terribly when she was a teen -- to the point where she was hospitalized twice because she was suicidal. It was awful.

I definitely think it carries over to adulthood, based on my observations of my sister. I feel like, and this is just a layman's hypotheses, it could cause a mild or somewhat different form of PTSD with some people. It's traumatizing. There's no doubt about it.

[Hellion]

I experienced a lot of that as well and it still effects me, seems to have prevented me from forming a healthy level of self worth and confidence and also has contributed to my mental issues mostly the depression and anxiety, but developing those early on probably made me more prone to the PTSD I got from a traumatic event...already had mental health issues so less able to cope with the trauma.

Anyways even if it has had long term effects on you its nothing to be ashamed of...people who have bullied people should be ashamed. But I kinda know what you mean I just try not to buy into that since I know there is no reason to feel ashamed over instances where other people where in the wrong.

[Crook32]

Thanks for all the responses.

My last T labeled it as complex trauma and I guess I just have a hard time accepting that, I don't know why. I think maybe because it makes me feel like a victim.

My new T the other day was surprised when I brought it up and said she would have never guessed that she would be caring for a trauma disorder. But she said she had no problem with it and we could work on it.

The first step I guess is for me to accept it as trauma and acknowledge that it has played a part in my mental health issues.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Terabithia]

I was bullied throughout middle school and high school, mostly for being spacy. So often people would say,"duh." I laughed, but all of the putdowns made me feel less than other girls. A couple of weeks ago, for the first time in my adult life, someone said, "duh" to me and it triggered a sudden embarrassing outburst. This was at a get together at my husband's employer's house. We have not been invited back and probably will not ever again. It's for the best. Anyway, yes childhood bullying has had a permanent mark on my state of being.

[CronoFire]

I don't feel I was bullied like I've seen and heard about (tv, movies, talk shows, etc.), but my friends put me down a lot, and I don't know, but I think it did a lot of damage to my self esteem. I've been overweight since I was in or around 6th grade and had a hard time buying clothes. My friends would call me fat or slow and probably being kids, but I feel it really damaged me more than I thought. In middle school I was the funny guy and in High School I went gothic so people would be afraid of me and not talk to me, that made HS easier.

Today I'm still overweight, with terrible self-esteem, but as of this year I've really been hitting the gym hard and I know my body change is going to be really slow, but I feel that the damage has been done, I try not to look in the mirror, I hate buying clothes, I just don't like me and I feel it reflects back to being a kid and being picked on about being fat, so I do feel it has a lasting impression.

Please watch this YouTube video of Kevin Jennings talking about the effects of bullying. Mr. Jennings is a former Under Secretary in the U.S. Department of Education. He was also a victim of bullying.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Crook32

Thanks for all the responses.

My last T labeled it as complex trauma and I guess I just have a hard time accepting that, I don't know why. I think maybe because it makes me feel like a victim.

My new T the other day was surprised when I brought it up and said she would have never guessed that she would be caring for a trauma disorder. But she said she had no problem with it and we could work on it.

The first step I guess is for me to accept it as trauma and acknowledge that it has played a part in my mental health issues.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well technically speaking you where a victim of bullying...so was I but its not to be ashamed about to me being a victim of something implies you didn't have choice in the matter and it was wrong actions on the part of another(unless in the case of natural disaster)...but this society seems to have created a feeling of shame related to being a victim of anything like its shameful to ever have something bad happen to you that's out of your control.

But I kinda get that feeling like I sometimes still get embarrassed I have PTSD from the trauma I do because I feel like it wasn't that major so I should have 'gotten over it' or something.

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by Hellion

But I kinda get that feeling like I sometimes still get embarrassed I have PTSD from the trauma I do because I feel like it wasn't that major so I should have 'gotten over it' or something.

I think that is a big part of it. I feel like other people have had much worse things happen to them. Why am I feeling like this decades later over something minor?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Creative1onder]

Well bullying causes pyschological and physical harm on a young person which can be traumatic and have long lasting effects as they grow older. If someone internalises the bullying, keeps their feelings contained/bottled up this can also be damaging and cause ill health.

[Creative1onder]

While bullies aim to hurt stress anger degrade you, If you have low self worth low self image that will come across to others, they'll be able to pick up on that, in how you talk, body language, expressions etc... If you have high self esteem and assertive then you won't feel like easy target for more bullying, or you won't be bothered much by what others think and say or comparing self with others.

[waterknob1234]

What bothers me is why is it "acceptable" in our society to pick on, intimidate, and bully people because they are overweight? You can't discriminate based on race, sex, nationality, or sexual orientation. Those are taboo, but no one seems to mind if people are picked on because of being overweight. This is wrong. I was bullied in grade school because of my weight and for other reasons. The bullying was so hurtful and painful. I can still remember the hurt. I am not sure if this affects me now. I would not be quick to say it does. But bullying is a bad thing that should not be tolerated.

[Creative1onder]

What matters is not how you look, appear but how you really are as a person. People get bullied for all kinds of things. Fat and slim people get targeted. Ugly and good looking people get targeted. People of different beliefs get bullied. The important thing is not to listen/believe, swallow what the bullies say or let them treat you badly. Its the passive internalising of the bullying and self destructive responses to it that are most harmful.

[krisakira]

Being bullied all throughout middle school, and a lot of it being in front of teachers who did nothing about it, made me grow up feeling totally helpless. I grew up thinking there was no help for me, and so I never expressed concern for myself to my parents or anyone else. I have a hard time asking for help because I don't believe there is help out there for me. So a lot of my suffering goes unnoticed and under-exaggerated. In the present, I do tell my husband about stuff, but that is pretty much it. I have a hard time going to a doctor. I have learned to not depend on other people to help me because I believe they just do not care, just as my teachers did not care about my bullying. I have grown up calloused to what other people think of me, and just assume that they think the worst. I feel constantly judged and belittled. I feel subhuman and that there is something wrong with me. Bullying has really taken its toll on me.