[Wander]

Since last Friday I have been depressed and getting worse every day. I had been fine before that. The depression came on suddenly and powerfully. Yesterday I saw my therapist and my psych who wanted me in hospital so I am begin admitted tomorrow. I am having to call in sick from work for a week at least and it makes me feel guilty and worried they will find out what is really going on.
I am just so fed up with life. I can't function and worry I will never be able to hold down a sucessful career. I cant have children so that is out. Thoughts and urges to kill myself flood my mind. Without the family and friends I do out I would end my life now but out of love i try to stay even though I know I can get sick enough to blind me to that. I am beginning to get that unwell so i guess thats why my treatment team have strongly urged me into hospital. Somehow I need to find the strength to pack now.

[Wander]

Sorry. I intended to post this on the bipolar forum but I accidentally posted it here. whoops

[Caseymoff]

It's okay, you sound just like me. Trying to stay around for my family, although it's a lot to ask. I hope they can help get you more on an even keel in the hospital. Wishing you the best.

[shabur]

I've been where you are. I was hospitalized for severe major depression. I had suicidal thoughts several times, but was able to think about my family and knew how much it would hurt them. But one particular episode hit and I knew i had no other way out of it. My family didn't even enter my thoughts.

I got my affairs in order, wrote a letter explaining why I choose this and was within moments of following through. Something in me made me call my T. She asked me to come in immediately, which I did, and when I arrived she said she was calling an ambulance. I didn't have it in me to fight so I was hospitalized for 30 days on suicide watch for the first 10 days.

As much as I hated being there I know it was the best thing for me. It got me through that episode and I also learned new coping strategies. My family became more involved (I was good at hiding what was happening and I struggled to reach out) and is now one of my best supports.

It is scary, but it's what's best for you. It will keep you safe and you will come out feeling so much better.

[Fuzzybear]

[Abe Froman]

I have wish I could have been several times recently. I told my T if I go then I don't graduate in December and that can't happen. I finally got on meds that kind of work, but before that had I not been in school and just had a job, I would have taken myself in. Right now I don't know if the meds are working. I've only been on them a week so I know it can take a long time just to see if this is the right one, see if I can maintain through that.

[Wander]

Thanks so much for all your replies everyone it really means a lot to me. I've been in hospital 2 days and am still suicidal. The urges are strong. Seeing my doctor tomorrow and if I'm not better I'm having ECT. I only had it in June and had hoped the benefits would last longer than 3 months. Makes me feel more hopeless about my future. I don't want to live like this.