[regretful]

Anyone ever get caught in a loop of thinking that your life is going to be characterized by depression forever and not be able to break that thought pattern? Well, I have, and I'm existing in that h*** right now. I have constant reminders of what I was doing when I was not depressed, and those thoughts only further this downward spiral of depression...it's miserable, and it hurts so much.

[Creative1onder]

If you remember what life was like, how you were before depression then you can find ways to enable yourself to return to that better place or even renew things. Have faith in yourself that you can get well, recover from this dark period when you'll be able to feel more alive, live more fully and purposefully and have better relations with others.

[Roxygirl816]

I too have been caught in that cycle and the fact that I tend to only obsess over the negatives makes it even harder. Sometimes I just have to ride it out and talk to my PsyD about it. What I do try to do though is think of those times before depression and tell myself that I wasn't always depressed so it's logical to assume I won't always b depressed either.

[Creative1onder]

Yeah so if you were well fine before depression hit then you can find your whole self again and live more fulfilling life.

[Clara22]

Sometimes my pets help me to get out of the spiral of negative thoughts

[waterknob1234]

I remember life before depression. Happy memories of family, children, parents before they passed away. I have had those moments when it looks like nothing will ever get better. The pain and darkness is so bad. But there has to be a way to overcome. I could not afford a psychiatrist and therapist. My medical doc prescribed my antidepressant, wellbutrin. The psychiatrist started me on this but I had to stop seeing the psychiatrist due to lack of funds and terrible health insurance. I bought a book on CBT. Just started reading it. I do a lot of praying. At least I found some calm for now.

I don't know if any of the above helps. I hope you find some peace.

[TheOriginalMe]

Am I right in thinking you've just started meds again? It could be this is part of your adjustment to the meds and signals the start of the depression lifting, I always feel much worse as the depression lifts than I do on the way down, so here's hoping that might be the case for you.

[lilypup]

Of course, I think many of us feel that way. For me, it is hard to do or think anything when down in the pit. I just keep taking meds and wait it out.

[Creative1onder]

Its def worse when in the rock bottom end of depression.when in rly dark place it can feel like there's not point to anything, nothings right, and be unbearable. It is good when I can feel myself becoming freer, thinking more clearly, interacting with others more, finding interests etc..feeling more energetic.. People respond more positively to me then.. people notice changes, that I look well..but It can be quite dramatic, quick for me to fall back into depressive, anxious trap. I have noticed reemerging, repetitive issues over the years. There's always been some negative, stress induced trigger, factor, something I find unhelpful,unfair,difficult, disappointing, that sends me downwards. Its those triggers, factors I need to address, learn to deal with better so I reduce vulnerability to stress and depressive episodes.

[Fuzzybear]

[Clara22]

In addition to your treatment perhaps it would help let's God to embrace you, even your bad decisions in the past. Put everything in God's Mercy. I am not a believer, but when I believed in God, it was natural to think that all was contained in God and that trying to recreate the past was absurd in that context. He now has your past mistakes and they are in His Mercy. It is an exercise to live just in the present moment of the Mercy of God. I do not know if you can reach the adequate group or church to help you with these spiritual exercises. They are also exercise to practice humility before God. We do not have superpowers, we are not perfect, on the contrary, we have many failures and shortfalls. But we can give them to God every time, and start again every time in God.

[regretful]

Thank you all for the kind replies. It might be the effect of medication...but it might also be the depression. I pray daily; it's the one part of the day when I find some relief.