I was a very good looking kid, I was praised and adored, people expressed jealousy, I hated that, and I wanted to stand out less, I was sick of all the praise that came my way, it made me feel alienated, I just wanted to feel 'normal'.

Times have changed now, I have lost so much of my curly hair, and age has taken it's toll on me in other fronts too, I still have the same face, but it's kind of lifeless now, I've been depressed for long that I haven't been able to take good care of myself.

How the times have changed, all the praise has been replaced with ridicule, my aunt put the final nail in my coffin last week, when she said 'you looked so good, when you were younger, now you're just crap' (she didn't use the word crap), but she did have a little smirk on her face, this is the same aunt that once expressed so much love for how I looked when I was only a few years younger. I attended my cousin's wedding last month, and there they were, all my relatives, lining up, taking shots at my appearance.

It's almost as if they were feeling good about themselves, some of them though were very sad to see me, I looked pretty miserable.

It's starting to get to me, I can't believe this is happening to me, it's almost as if someone's playing a cruel joke on me, they gave me everything, and are now taking it all away one by one. I don't know who to blame, but my depression and gender dysphoria has really made it hard for me to care about how I look.

[lilypup]

What a toxic family! Are you getting therapy for all this? Do you have friends you can turn to? I would only see my family at "must go" events like weddings and funerals. I will say however, I am not very vain, but depression has seriously taken a toll on my face. Hugs to you.

[NWgirl2013]

Looks are transient. That is one of the first things you really realize with that first grey hair or those lines that start forming or that body that can't do all it used to. I imagine with a little sprucing up you would look just fine.
There must be more to you than your looks. Relying on them is a fools game. These bodies are designed to fail us one day.

What they are seeing is the you inside reflecting out. You aren't happy and it shows. Yes, I realize you already know that and of course it doesn't give people the right to be cruel. It is the proverbial kicking when someone is down. In reality, your family & most people are not mind readers. They don't realize how down you are, or are not smart enough to see the signs that are as plain as the nose on your face.
Shallow & sad don't you think? And you don't want to be like them, you don't seem to be.

A friend of mine says of her family, "If I wasn't related to these people, I would never have anything to do with them". And so it goes with many of us.

So, are you able to get into some sort of therapy? That might be a good place to explore body image, or changing body image.
We all have to face that someday, that we can't look young and beautiful forever. Nice idea but no, we don't get that deal.
I am one of many here who get that & for me personally it means I have to give myself a brutal & honest assessment every couple years, no matter how crappy I feel, then realign my thinking about my appearance/clothes etc. It is now about looking good, "for your age", not reliving the glory days of youth.

It sounds like you started out with a pleasant face & form and rode it as long as possible. Maybe now is the time to assess where things are today. A proper and flattering & current hair cut/style, clothes that fit you perfectly. This is underrated, and is something so important to how you look. This will give you a little boost too, and you do need a boost.
All we can do is look our best, with what we have to work with now.

There is an old song, "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile", and as silly as that sounds, smiling lifts everything about your appearance, just like standing up straight, shoulders back, all the things that we were told as children apply especially now.
I wish you to find a way to feel better, about this, and all the other things that are weighing you down.

[Frankbtl]

Hi brokenentity, lets agree to downgrade those concerns about your appearance for now in exchange for the depression, hey??
At times (maybe a lot of the time?) you're feeling so drained, empty, lost, lacking the energy to even show much of an interest in your appearance and it's so not simply a matter of you not "pulling yourself together".......so you're probably not going to look "great, great, great" are you
So please don't allow this to give you another reason to feel bad about yourself, you have a very good reason you're not looking your best.
So maybe first and foremost trying to put any energy you have into tackling the depression?? I know you might already be trying to do that anyway but...........
If setting yourself small, managable goals might help you might even want to make one/two of them around self care, but whatever they are even small things are going to be an achievement, right??
But sometimes talking can help too of course........if you have a T, if you have friends...........and to us??
I know there are no "easy answers" but one step at a time, hey??

And just a couple of other things:
I've got to say I'm really sorry about the way you've been treated by others, you know it says way more about them than about you, hey??
If people are treating you like that you so DO NOT want/need to be taking that on board right now, you've got enough to cope with. Allow the way they're behaving to be their problem.
And your appearance..........well obviously as the depression eases a bit some aspects are going to come back, they're not lost they're just masked right now.
But in other ways, there's nothing wrong with looking a bit older (time has passed, hasn't it?)
You might look different..........but there can still be a good different, you know. Looks can be so subjective. What looks not so good to one person can look the complete opposite to another person and vica versa.

So back to the depression.............??
I know it can be so hard, but you're not on your own, we're here for you

Alison

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Looks are transient. That is one of the first things you really realize with that first grey hair or those lines that start forming or that body that can't do all it used to. I imagine with a little sprucing up you would look just fine.
There must be more to you than your looks. Relying on them is a fools game. These bodies are designed to fail us one day.

What they are seeing is the you inside reflecting out. You aren't happy and it shows. Yes, I realize you already know that and of course it doesn't give people the right to be cruel. It is the proverbial kicking when someone is down. In reality, your family & most people are not mind readers. They don't realize how down you are, or are not smart enough to see the signs that are as plain as the nose on your face.
Shallow & sad don't you think? And you don't want to be like them, you don't seem to be.

A friend of mine says of her family, "If I wasn't related to these people, I would never have anything to do with them". And so it goes with many of us.

So, are you able to get into some sort of therapy? That might be a good place to explore body image, or changing body image.
We all have to face that someday, that we can't look young and beautiful forever. Nice idea but no, we don't get that deal.
I am one of many here who get that & for me personally it means I have to give myself a brutal & honest assessment every couple years, no matter how crappy I feel, then realign my thinking about my appearance/clothes etc. It is now about looking good, "for your age", not reliving the glory days of youth.

It sounds like you started out with a pleasant face & form and rode it as long as possible. Maybe now is the time to assess where things are today. A proper and flattering & current hair cut/style, clothes that fit you perfectly. This is underrated, and is something so important to how you look. This will give you a little boost too, and you do need a boost.
All we can do is look our best, with what we have to work with now.

There is an old song, "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile", and as silly as that sounds, smiling lifts everything about your appearance, just like standing up straight, shoulders back, all the things that we were told as children apply especially now.
I wish you to find a way to feel better, about this, and all the other things that are weighing you down.

I realize that the people around me never looked past my appearance, I thought they'd know me for my character, I guess I was wrong. My appearance started to deteriorate last year, at first, I didn't even notice it, but my friend pointed it out to me, and then everyone else started to rip on me, tell me really hurtful stuff about my appearance.

I'm only 23 years old, I've always been depressed about a lot of other things, and my current appearance just adds to my misery. This is last thing I wanted (this added pressure of trying not to look ugly), I've never wanted to be the most beautiful looking human being ever, but I've always thought I'm good looking and unique, I've never seen another person who looks like I do, and I've always liked that.

I try and let it not get to me, but they keep throwing hurtful insults at me, hoping something sticks, and it does sometimes.... I try to be cheerful and jovial with my friends, and an 'insult' thrown at me by one of them has wiped the smile off my face, and yearn for loneliness where I'm free from judgmental eyes.

This doesn't even take into account all the other people who think I'm ugly or stupid looking but don't tell me, because they don't want to hurt me.. My world has turned upside down now, it's almost like I'm ****ing cursed. My mother shares this opinion too.

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi brokenentity, lets agree to downgrade those concerns about your appearance for now in exchange for the depression, hey??
At times (maybe a lot of the time?) you're feeling so drained, empty, lost, lacking the energy to even show much of an interest in your appearance and it's so not simply a matter of you not "pulling yourself together".......so you're probably not going to look "great, great, great" are you
So please don't allow this to give you another reason to feel bad about yourself, you have a very good reason you're not looking your best.
So maybe first and foremost trying to put any energy you have into tackling the depression?? I know you might already be trying to do that anyway but...........
If setting yourself small, managable goals might help you might even want to make one/two of them around self care, but whatever they are even small things are going to be an achievement, right??
But sometimes talking can help too of course........if you have a T, if you have friends...........and to us??
I know there are no "easy answers" but one step at a time, hey??

And just a couple of other things:
I've got to say I'm really sorry about the way you've been treated by others, you know it says way more about them than about you, hey??
If people are treating you like that you so DO NOT want/need to be taking that on board right now, you've got enough to cope with. Allow the way they're behaving to be their problem.
And your appearance..........well obviously as the depression eases a bit some aspects are going to come back, they're not lost they're just masked right now.
But in other ways, there's nothing wrong with looking a bit older (time has passed, hasn't it?)
You might look different..........but there can still be a good different, you know. Looks can be so subjective. What looks not so good to one person can look the complete opposite to another person and vica versa.

So back to the depression.............??
I know it can be so hard, but you're not on your own, we're here for you

Alison

I am so depressed, that it took me a while to realize that my appearance has gone 'awry'. My unappealing appearance has given me another reason to feel bad about myself, it's my number #1 reason right now, at this point of time, as I type this post. I don't understand how things went from so good to so bad? I never liked the endless praise thrown at me for my 'cuteness' when I was younger, nor do I want to be a seen as a ****ing joke now.

Originally Posted by lilypup

What a toxic family! Are you getting therapy for all this? Do you have friends you can turn to? I would only see my family at "must go" events like weddings and funerals. I will say however, I am not very vain, but depression has seriously taken a toll on my face. Hugs to you.

I don't want to go to any events anymore, I'm sick of being the one who everyone rips on. They're not even upset or concerned about how I've become. I have a ridiculous aunt, she's always been obsessed with looks, she's almost taunting me now.

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

And your appearance..........well obviously as the depression eases a bit some aspects are going to come back, they're not lost they're just masked right now.

Thank you, and that's how I feel too. They're not lost, because I know I've always looked.

I wish I could ignore what other people think of me about my looks, but I can't. My friend calls me something, I find particularly hurtful. As much as him saying it hurts, I don't want it to catch on with other friends, and then I'd be the laughing stock of everyone around me.

I've always been depressed, but I had *some* comfort in knowing that my outside reflected how I felt on the inside, and now it's gone. "You look you're 30 years old", "Hey, I think we should all call you 'Uncle", **** it. I used to be 'cool', now I'm the uncool one, do I care? I don't, but I hate how little respect I get now. Every time I go to school, I have to hide somewhere

My friend accused me of lying about my age, and then he said my parents must be lying to me? My mom just wants me to soldier on, get a job, 'make her happy'. my happiness never mattered to anyone. It's always been 'make us proud, son'. I don't even want her help, It'd help me if she knew how I felt, and what I'm going through right now, I'd feel a lot better if she comforted me a little.

What I'm asking for is completely reasonable.. I know that my hair is thinner than everyone else in my class, and it's not because I'm older than everyone else. How would I feel? How anyone feel in my situation? especially when things were the complete opposite a few years ago.

[Frankbtl]

Hi brokenentity, if you're around people who are ripping on you and who keep throwing hurtful insults at you it's got to make you feel even worse about your appearance and even more depressed.
Do you think maybe with some of them you could point out something like "You know, that actually hurts"?? If it might be for them that they aren't recognizing what they are actually saying and the effects of what they are actually saying.
As for other people you might just want to keep as much distance as possible from them??
What you really need are people who value you for yourself around, right?? Because there is so much more to/about you than your appearance. Stuff that matters way more than that in "the bigger picture"

And separately, there may be aspects of your appearance that you can work on with a little self care, but also remember that depression can distort your image/view of yourself as well. So parts of what you're looking at "in the mirror" are going to be blown out of proportion in your view of yourself. Maybe just as the "bullies" around you are distorting things/thoughts??

So if people (or the depression!) are telling you/convincing you of **** and you're finding that hard to beat, then you know where we are, right??

Alison