How does it feel?

Hi there I haven't written in this forum before, have in others. hi.
I'm just wondering how depression felt when you first thought you might have it? Thanks

I wasn't aware of it, I'd taken an overdose...it wasn't until a few months after I'd went to the doctors and was made aware then

I was told I had it after attempting suicide...I thought either it was normal to feel like crap or that it must have been a reflection of me being a crappy person and somehow deserved that feeling but yeah didn't recognize it as anything till that. But I've had it chronically for a long time...some people have more of a noticable first memory, but they also have a memory of 'before the depression' I personally don't remember a time I was without it.

I felt sick physically for a while and I got very irritable. so sometimes I was surprised what kind of things made me angry. there I started thinking it wasn't normal. I first thought I have depression when I realized I don't care about anything anymore. I remember sitting at my mother's birthday dinner which would usually be a happy event. and I was staring at my empty plate all the time because I didn't care about food. and my mother was concerned and confused and I didn't care about that either. so I thought this must be wrong.

The summer after sixth grade I totally changed. My mood, isolating, sleeping all the time, drugs and alcohol, no ambition. It was much more than adolescents but neither me nor anyone else had a clue it was depression. I was 32 when I got diagnosed.

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I guess may have been dealing with it since about 1986 or may have been dealing with it since 1997, but I thought that I was just different from "normal" people. That i was incapable of "happy" feelings. This was reinforced by one therapist who told me I have a limited range of emotions, that I wasn't "normal." (only met with him once, accepted what he said because it made sense and vindicated how I felt, never went back)

So basically I was in denial until a few weeks ago when suddenly I knew I had to be on meds.

Short answer, the weekend I decided for myself I was depressed and needed meds, I felt like complete garbage. Very much in pain.