[Clara22]

In general, I have been a person that accepts responsibility for her actions and choices. My mother taught me to make an effort to see all the aspects of a situation or problem, including my own doing. On the other hand, I have been trained within a critical social paradigm so I recognize the influence of diverse conditionings on people's thinking and acting so I don't believe in total freedom or extreme individualism. Trying to keep a balance in my mind regarding my own responsibility vs environmental factors that are not under my control, and focusing on what I can do instead of getting stuck in blaming others (as a practical approach to solve issues) worked very well for me to live with a disability (which I adquired when I was 17). I must say that I have been told that I sometimes was in denial or not acknolewdging the evil of certain people around me then I got hurt. It is true. I have been always trying to go ahead and not paying attention to details. This is not always good.
But, since I got my depression, a sense of victim hood has been installed in me. Often I feel powerless, hopeless. I resent people. Sometimes I am more lucid and see what clearly has been hapenning for a long time ( like some people using me). But sometimes I am just irritable, exaggerating, unable to see the goodness in others or their circumstances.
I think that thinking ourselves as victims does not help.
Have you ever experienced this sense of victimhood?

[Altered Moment]

Yes. And I think it is true that we are often victims and others are to blame. However thinking of it in those terms doesn't help me personally. Blaming myself doesn't help either. I believe in acceptance and foregivness and keeping my side of the street clean. Your side of the street is none of my business unless you step on to my side.

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[Clara22]

Thank you, Zinco, you are so right about acceptance and forgiveness.
I can forgive but what about lack of trust? It is difficult for me to trust nowadays, perhaps is it part of depression?

[Altered Moment]

If you have been hurt in the past I don't think trust is part of the depression. I guess you have to take wise risks in trusting others to overcome that.

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[TheOriginalMe]

My lack of trust has led to greater and greater social isolation and although my depression makes me crave solitude being alone feeds the depression. So although the lack of trust isn't the cause of the depression it certainly doesn't help me fight it either.

As far as being a vicitm is concerned I do feel the emotional helplessness you describe as though every bad event is personal to me and a deliberately targeted act to make my life worse. However, I am acutely aware that by global standards I have nothing to complain about, I live in a safe country with a decent level of comfort. I find it hard to reconcile these conflicting thought processes.

[Curupira]

I have experienced the phenomena. I hate it. It makes me a not nice person to be around. And then the sneaky hate spiral kicks in.

I agree with the above that this is where mindfulness comes in. I actually have a relapse checklist that helps me assess if I am falling into that mindframe and what may be causing it.

Yoga has actually helped a lot in that regard. Because it is all about self acceptance and focusing on the moment and letting go of all thoughts. And let me tell you, with that depression beast on my back getting to that place can be hard work.

[Clara22]

Thank you for all the comments, they are very helpful