[DogTired]

Feel like I'm slipping more. Food doesn't taste as good anymore, being awake seems like an inconvenience, moving my limbs is like trying to move boulders, thinking any meaningful thoughts seems pointless. I feel void of feeling, even more than before. I don't want to die but I don't really want to live, either.

Tried getting meds adjusted but was told I couldn't be seen by psychiatrist until December. Therapist was on vacation for 3 weeks so I didn't make any progress with that for the past month. Feel like I'm in a void and getting out isn't going to happen until after I've been swallowed by darkness. I don't want to call any hotlines and don't want to go to the hospital, so I stay in bed waiting for some other help to arrive. Friends don't check in with me anymore - they're all busy with their lives as they should be, and I don't think they know what to do with me anyway. They care, but they're frustrated too. My husband is starting to act more depressed too. He doesn't have a history of depression but it's like I'm rubbing off on him or something. I'm no joy to be around. Don't know what to do so I just keep lying here.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by DogTired

Friends...they're all busy with their lives as they should be, and I don't think they know what to do with me anyway. They care, but they're frustrated too.

I thing that's an accurate analysis.

Originally Posted by DogTired

I don't want to die but I don't really want to live, either.

And those feelings are familiar...

Any suggestions I might have would probably require more energy than you can muster currently. Do your energy levels ever ebb and flow?

[DogTired]

Hey Rohag, thanks for your response. My energy levels used to ebb and flow, now I simply have no energy, ever. It hurts to move. I used to have insomnia but now I just want to sleep all the time. The depression has been there for a long time but something has shifted in the last few weeks and I feel soooooo much worse.

[northbelle]

Just want you to know I understand. I have times when my legs feel like I am dragging cement blocks. I have done a lot of laying this weekend as well staring at the TV. I just want you to know you are not alone. I mean I know that is very little help..but just know that you help me by being here and being honest about your experience. I feel that embarrassment as well over my lethargy..I also seem to experience a lot of feelings of shame when I do go out. Its really difficult . Don't know why or where that stuff originates. I feel like people look at me and can see the bad person I am. Which rationally I KNOW is ridiculous. Its a deep feeling though. Sometimes I feel like I am a monster (Im not). I hope things change for you..and me..and the many like us who suffer from such confusing and hopeless feelings.
Its cool you do have a husband and your not alone!
take care

love northbelle

[Brintel]

Originally Posted by DogTired

Feel like I'm slipping more. Food doesn't taste as good anymore, being awake seems like an inconvenience, moving my limbs is like trying to move boulders, thinking any meaningful thoughts seems pointless. I feel void of feeling, even more than before. I don't want to die but I don't really want to live, either.

Tried getting meds adjusted but was told I couldn't be seen by psychiatrist until December. Therapist was on vacation for 3 weeks so I didn't make any progress with that for the past month. Feel like I'm in a void and getting out isn't going to happen until after I've been swallowed by darkness. I don't want to call any hotlines and don't want to go to the hospital, so I stay in bed waiting for some other help to arrive. Friends don't check in with me anymore - they're all busy with their lives as they should be, and I don't think they know what to do with me anyway. They care, but they're frustrated too. My husband is starting to act more depressed too. He doesn't have a history of depression but it's like I'm rubbing off on him or something. I'm no joy to be around. Don't know what to do so I just keep lying here.

Call your friends and just tell them you need some encouragement to get out of bed. I was in a place recently when I felt it was way too much work just to take a shower, so I know what you mean. I took the shower, but cried while I was doing it. But I have to admit I felt better when I was clean. Your friends may be frustrated and not know what to say or do, but you can help them help you. Sometimes I tell a particular friend that I just need to hear that it will get better or that I need some praise for doing what I was able to do. As for your husband, he took you for better or for worse; it's what he signed up for; and one of these days he'll be in a place where he needs the same kind of help from you when he's sick (you'll be feeling better by then).