Withdrawal...

I wrote here a few months back, and with some moral support from you guys, I thought I can really leave my past behind. I thought I can start anew... But I recently saw the guy who I insulted in the hallways. He stopped right in his tracks and walked the other way, a very fast U-turn if you ask me. I expected this as a normal result from my berating but.... it's just painful to see...

This isn't the first time he avoided me. There were several other incidents where we were both invited to someone's birthday party, he abruptly bailed probably because he found out I was going. I know he doesn't want to hear my apology and does not want anything to do with me. I know I'm extremely hated... I even stopped my contacts with my friends for a year, so they can forget about me. I went to a new school, and hoped that they will be gone when I go back.

I feel like I'm starting to go back into depression. I can't focus in class because I'm worried about seeing him again...I'm worried that he might be telling other people about all those bad things that did...
I just don't know...

Can you write an apology letter and get it to him somehow. Making ammends for things we have done in the past and self forgiveness are key things. there are other ways to make ammends too. The biggest one is changing behavior and not doing the same thing again. It takes along time and work to put the past behind us. it has a way of creeping back up in your face.

People bullied you for years in your childhood and adolescence. You are trying to come to grips both with that past and with your unsuccessful attempt(s) to stand up for yourself.

I suspect that, in the long term, your major struggle will be overcoming the experiences and socialisation of your early life. Still, it hurts to have constant reminders of the more distant past and the more recent past.