Not doing good, no motivation to continue on

I have had severe depression all my life, I'm 24. I feel like I can barely do my job, and my health insurance costs are going up. The deducible is going up by $450, the out of pocket max is going up by $1,000. I have been working at my job for almost 5 years now, and I have hit my out of pocket max each year trying to help myself get better only to find I'm worse year by year. Now I have a girlfriend, whom I love, but she likes to spend any and all of her income. She has a $750 hospital bill now, and she doesn't have the money so she asks money from me, and I am not even affording our house payments. I'm losing money every month instead of saving a little every month and she still expects the world. We don't spend any time together, as she works all day every day, and goes to basketball games without me (since I hate sports) when she's off. The most I see of her is usually just a few seconds between me getting up getting ready for work, and she's asleep. I have a commute that can range from 1-2 hours one-way to work. When I am home, I have to clean the whole house because my girlfriend isn't going to want to clean it since she works a lot more than I do, so I have no free time. Add on top of that that I am taking new meds that cost $150 a month and all they do is make me super tired, so I have to spend extra time sleeping. Yeah, my life is hell. I would have preferred not to have been born. I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this before I snap completely.

Hi Sadley. It sounds horrible. Have a talk with your gf and show her the numbers. Would you be able to afford to live alone?

I've talked to her about it before. But she makes more money than I do, and if I talk to her about it again she will just get upset and say that she doesn't know why I don't trust her. I would only be able to afford a small apartment by myself. But I am staying with my girlfriend no matter what, so that isn't going to change.

I'm jealous you have a job and a girlfriend. sorry, I know this isn't helpful. I see you are struggling.
it sounds like you are a little overtaxed right now and you may want to make a few adjustments in your life so it gets more relaxed? stress isn't so good for depression. at least for me it makes things really worse.
do you have an image in mind what you would your life ideally to be like?
I think your girlfriend should understand if you don't have money left to give to her.
can you calmly explain that you may need a little more time with her or for yourself or whatever is good for you and you would feel more comfortable if there was more money left? -I hope I got this right and that my answer doesn't upset you in any way. just trying to help.

She has made my life worth living, but I still get depressed. Yes, I agree I am super stressed and I don't think I can be happy until it is resolved, which could be years. I don't really have an ideal situation other than I want to live somewhere where my girlfriend and I are safe, have enough money to live decently, and have more time to spend with each other. Your answer didn't upset me, flours, thanks for replying.

okay, so maybe you can think of ways how to achieve that?
I am sure you already did. sometimes something we need is right in front of us and we just don't see it. I'm sure there is a way even if it's not so obvious. (sorry if that sounds naive. believe me I am not.)

maybe somebody else can see it more clearly. do you know someone who you could ask for advice?
maybe you know somebody who was in a similar situation before and managed it.

I think talking to your girlfriend is very important though. she has to be on your side. maybe you could describe to her how great your life would be if you achieved to have more money and time. if you say it in a way she wants it too she will help you and it's so good to have another person who is working with you to achieve what you both want.
and I think she wants that if she doesn't get the impression she was a part of the problem but rather someone who is on your side.
sometimes it's tricky to talk to people we're close to in a way they don't get it wrong.

There is no way I could convince her. We are complete opposites in every aspect. She likes driving far, I hate driving. She wants to travel to other countries and places every year, I have no desire to. She wants a huge house, I am content with having a small house. She wants lots of material possessions, I want as few material possessions as possible and I just want each other. She has completely different sexual tastes than me. There are only a few things we agree on. We both don't mind staying indoors most of the time playing video games. Well, maybe that's about it.

There is no one I can ask for help. That's why I come here. I mean, I am a pretty reasonable guy and this is too much for me to handle. I have a therapist but I feel like I'm going no where with her. I also will not be able to afford both a therapist and meds next year because I will be spending probably $300 a month extra of money that I don't even have.

Do you think your gf will at least agree to spending more time together?

No, I tried to explain to her that time together was important to me, but she just tells me she is just a business woman who works a lot and tells me to listen to audio books in the car during the long drive. Meanwhile, I am stuck at home bored and lonely with her pets.

How invested in this relationship are you, emotionally I mean. I know you must be fond of her but it sounds like you have nothing in common.

I'm not sure what to say, I mean, I love her...she's really attractive to me...we get along ok...

But could you see yourself in a different kind of relationship, a closer one, with another woman? I just have the sense that this one won't last. How long have you been together? I know that's not what you want to hear right now but it would be easier to think about leaving now than in another 5 or 10 years.

No, I can't see that. I don't think I could get another woman. I am extremely shy, and depressed, my girlfriend still loves me for who I am. She is my first and only, without her, I wouldn't be here, honestly. We've been together for almost 8 months now.

Well, unless things change, I don't see things working out well. You're already miserable with her in your life. If you got this attractive girl, you can find another one who actually wants to be a partner with you. I know you don't believe that but it's true.

Life surely can, and does stink... (a form of crap I prefer not to speak of...)

I too would prefer never to have been born.

Sending you whatever positive vibes I can (I can think of some things that may be encouraging? But I don't want to say anything that might make anyone feel worse, been there myself too many times... Nobody here...)