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#1
Oct 22, 2014, 09:12 AM
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I'm in a bad place. This isn't a suicidal post, but I'm scared that I'm heading in this direction. I'm away from home right now so I can't turn to my therapist. I just don't know where else to turn. I'm sorry if I'm violating rules of this board.
Background: late 30s, female, married, no kids. Have been treated for depression for 10 years. No meds. Why I'm at my breaking point: After leaving a very abusive job last year, I was offered my dream job. But it required me to move. I thought it would give me the opportunity to start fresh. But I took my husband away from his family and friends. It hurt our marriage. The housing market turned downward and I lost my life savings selling my old house. I have a new house in my new city but it has made me feel trapped. My "dream job" has turned out to be horrible. My boss is an a-hole and doesn't show up to meetings with me, leading me to be scared I'm going to be fired. I haven't made any friends in my new city. On top of that, I had to put my cat down a month ago and that seemed to be the last piece to put me over the edge. This past weekend, I was home alone and tripped and fell down the stairs, smashing the side of my face. I laid in my own blood for 3 hours before I worked up the care to drive myself to the ER. I got 4 stitches and my face is swollen. Everyone is staring at me and I can't take it. I'm out of town right now on business and laid in my hotel room, sobbing all night for no apparent reason. I'm not sure what to do. I've never felt so trapped and so alone. Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Oct 22, 2014 at 09:59 AM. Reason: added trigger icon.... |
 Browncurtains, Fuzzybear, vital, waterknob1234
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#2
Oct 22, 2014, 11:17 AM
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Hello & Welcome, Tired-of-this. Clearly, you are no stranger to depression.
Quote:
 The traumas of the past year all piled on top of 10 years of struggle. Now would be the time for things to approach a crisis. Can you remain safe until you next see your therapist?
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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 Tired-of-this
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#3
Oct 22, 2014, 11:45 AM
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Oh I am so soryy that you are having a really difficult time at the moment. With the move, the stress of a new job, your marriage and your cat dying not to mention all the day to day stuff that you have to get through. Maybe you may need to go on meds for a while, have you thought about that?. Have you thought of looking elsewhere foe a job, somewhere that would be both agreeable for you and your husband. My thoughts are with you and I do hope that you see your therapist really soon.
Best wishes
__________________
"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born.... and the day you find out why" ~ Mark Twain |
| Tired-of-this
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#4
Oct 22, 2014, 02:25 PM
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Hi tired of this,
Sounds like your last year has been full of ups and downs. Moving away from family, no matter the age, is a big step to take. And I'm thinking moving to another city or state. Depending on how close you or your spouse were with family in your hometown it can be a huge life adjustment, because talking on the phone is never the same as talking in person. Okay that's my opinion, I am sure there are those would disagree with me. With all these changes, including losing a furry loved one, it's a lot to process. And especially on your own. You seem like a very caring and considerate person who thinks about others feelings. Show yourself the same compassion, because you are deserving, you really are. Can you be open with your spouse about these anxieties you have? I understand why you feel trapped, especially since it sounds like you bought a house because that is a big commitment but maybe that is something you can work on together? Hope you are ok. |
| Tired-of-this
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#5
Oct 22, 2014, 05:04 PM
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Quote:
I like what Rohag said. Hang in there until you can talk to your therapist again. Are you happy with your therapist? How long til you get back home? What have you been doing in the past 10 years that's worked?  - v
Last edited by vital; Oct 22, 2014 at 05:27 PM. |
| Tired-of-this
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#6
Oct 22, 2014, 05:20 PM
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I lost it when my cat died, I lost my job two days after that. It's awful what you've been through, too much stress and trauma. I agree, you may want to think about meds just to get you through this crisis. Best of luck to you!
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| Tired-of-this
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#7
Oct 23, 2014, 10:04 AM
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Well, I'm still here. And I feel much better than I did yesterday. Two things seemed to get me out of my crisis. First, I have a dog with special needs. Nobody will ever take care of her as well as I do. So thinking of how she needs me stopped the crying. Next, I did something that seems so minor but I used to bring me joy. I went to a sushi restaurant, sat at the bar, and asked the chef to make me his favorite things. I don't know why that did the trick, but I left feeling not exactly happy, but certainly not sad.
Of course, typing out my ordeal to this forum helped a lot too. I see my therapist on Monday. She doesn't believe in meds, but we'll see what her response is about this episode. |
| Fuzzybear, vital, waterknob1234
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| Angelique67, Rohag, vital
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#8
Oct 23, 2014, 12:09 PM
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Glad to hear you were able to bring yourself out of it! That's wonderful.
 Give your sweet dog an extra hug from me. The sushi idea sounds great! |
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#9
Oct 23, 2014, 01:45 PM
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__________________
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#10
Oct 23, 2014, 08:41 PM
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It sounds like you have had too many adjustments to make lately. Losing a pet hurts because it is like losing a precious family member. Work can be a pure pain in the .#%&. I left an okay job four years ago to take a job I thought would be a career advancement. The new job turned into a nightmare so I can understand how you feel. If I were in your shoes I would probably need meds to get thru the crisis. Your dog sounds like a wonderful lifesaver. I am glad the trip to the sushi restaurant lifted your spirits. Sometimes it helps to have a pleasant distraction. My heart and prayers go out to you.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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