[Timeforhelp]

So, I have been battling this question now for quite some time. Is Life worth to me?
Weighing the pro's and Con's

Pro's
1. I have a Beautiful 18 year old. While he is Autistic and it is hard for him to truly understand what I am going through he is the number one reason I have kept fighting for so long.
2. I've been married to a Gentle and somewhat understanding man now for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs and I am sure this deep depression I am in is not making it easy on him
3. My Biological Father is living with us and He does love me.
4.I have a Therapist and some friends who care about me to.

Con's
1. I have been in and out of hospitals now for five years. The last one was from 10-6 to 10-13.
2. The Pain is overwhelming and I can not shake the feeling of this deep depression that is lingering over me.
3. The Flashbacks from the PTSD is now happening all through the day. I can not seem to talk myself down for a long time.
4. Giving up seems like the best option because the Pain is overwhelming.
5. When I need the support the most, my friends and Therapist are not available.
6. When I get into the chat rooms here I seem to get lost because alot of other people are going through similar feelings which leaves me feeling worse because I do not get the support I need at the time.
7. I feel anger all the time but do not know how to express it.
8. How long does my family have to keep dealing with me and all my problems.

Wow it seems the con list is longer!!
Lost for knowing what to do!!

Please do not avoid talking to me through this thread. I may not respond back for a while because I just need to listen to what others think!!

Thanks
Time for help

[NWgirl2013]

Okay, that is just scary that we have so many similar things going on. Hanging on because we are needed is probably the best reason to. No, they don't get that we are in actual pain, they are desensitized even as we feel more pain than ever.
The only thing I can do anymore is give myself permission to feel bad some days. It is what it is and I don't hide it, I just withdraw and do something nice for myself.
These are the times, like when I read your post, that I wish I could take on your burdens for a little while and someone could take on mine, just to get a break. But, as that doesn't really happen in life, we have to Be Kind to Ourselves, Respect ourselves & give ourselves the understanding we would give someone else & we wish someone would give us.
I am sending you many hugs today, and hope you can take them in and allow that you are hurting in a big way, yes and that you are allowed.

[Rohag]

PTSD (and all that goes with it)
Caretaker for an autistic son
Caretaker (or increasingly a caretaker) for an aging parent
All your other roles

Even if you were not struggling with depression and PTSD, filling the duties of caretaker for two individuals at different stages of life with unique challenges would be exceptionally taxing. How much more so for you.

The only "respite care" you've received recently was a hospital stay.

Questions: You've been wrestling with the Question for a while. Is a natural will-to-live still active in you? Are only the four "pros" keeping you here? Is something continuing to energize you beneath the conscious level?

[vital]

Originally Posted by Timeforhelp

So, I have been battling this question now for quite some time. Is Life worth to me?
Weighing the pro's and Con's

Pro's
1. I have a Beautiful 18 year old. While he is Autistic and it is hard for him to truly understand what I am going through he is the number one reason I have kept fighting for so long.
2. I've been married to a Gentle and somewhat understanding man now for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs and I am sure this deep depression I am in is not making it easy on him
3. My Biological Father is living with us and He does love me.
4.I have a Therapist and some friends who care about me to.

Con's
1. I have been in and out of hospitals now for five years. The last one was from 10-6 to 10-13.
2. The Pain is overwhelming and I can not shake the feeling of this deep depression that is lingering over me.
3. The Flashbacks from the PTSD is now happening all through the day. I can not seem to talk myself down for a long time.
4. Giving up seems like the best option because the Pain is overwhelming.
5. When I need the support the most, my friends and Therapist are not available.
6. When I get into the chat rooms here I seem to get lost because alot of other people are going through similar feelings which leaves me feeling worse because I do not get the support I need at the time.
7. I feel anger all the time but do not know how to express it.
8. How long does my family have to keep dealing with me and all my problems.

Wow it seems the con list is longer!!
Lost for knowing what to do!!

Please do not avoid talking to me through this thread. I may not respond back for a while because I just need to listen to what others think!!

Thanks
Time for help

Your pros look pretty impressive to me.

What are you doing to treat with the PTSD and depression?

- v

[Timeforhelp]

Your pros look pretty impressive to me.

What are you doing to treat with the PTSD and depression?

I'm currently suppose to be seeing a Therapist twice a week but That will take a few weeks to get in order. Then I am in the process of getting things together for ECT. Right this second I am living moment by moment. Then see what happens from there.

[Clara22]

Hi,
I am very impressed by your post as I am not able to write down a pro and cons list or participate in chats here, either. I just write on this board and reading posts here are very useful to me. Certainly, depression is a experience experienced alone and in loneliness. I find myself telling others that I am just fine because their feedback is so useless if I tell otherwise. They just do not get it and like you, even though I have friends and a T right now, they may not be available when I need them most. I think that on top of my depression, which brings isolation, there are issues in the way our society is, in general, solidarity is scarce and we are too taken by meaningless stuff having little time to cultivate friendship and help each other. Depression is a monster and sometimes society does not help. OK, this is all for now. Thank you again for your post

[vital]

Originally Posted by Timeforhelp

Your pros look pretty impressive to me.

What are you doing to treat with the PTSD and depression?

I'm currently suppose to be seeing a Therapist twice a week but That will take a few weeks to get in order. Then I am in the process of getting things together for ECT. Right this second I am living moment by moment. Then see what happens from there.

Hi Timeforhelp. I don't know how well you can function right now, but I get the impression that you are being too passive about solving your problem. It's very common to deal with the medical system this way:

1. Wait until you have a problem.
2. See MDs and get a diagnosis
3. Do what the MDs say to fix the problem
4. Repeat 3 forever if you are still suffering

This may be great if you have a broken arm where the MDs know what to do, but for PTSD and depression, they often really have no clue. Since you have been in and out of hospitals for 5 years, something is not working. I think you may be better off if you actively seek alternatives and try to figure this out yourself too. After all, it is happening in your own head.

Here's something that's interesting from the pure medical end of things for instance:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ml#post4069775

Also, if you're in bad shape and it's really hard to function, there are still things you can try. My favorite one is this

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

It's very easy to try this even if you're in bad shape at the moment.