I have problems getting over hurt/grudges

I have always tried to be a good person to people. I have always tried to do what's right by family and everyone else. But I feel that nobody truly cares how I feel. I have been flaked on, ditched, screwed, and hurt way too many times to count. I feel that I have become a doormat for everyone to step on and crapped on. I try to move on, but the memories are still vivid. No matter how many times people tell me to just get over it, I just have a hard time putting it in the past. I don't know if there is anybody who has suffered from this problem, but I want to deal with it so I can have healthy relationships with people again.

Hello & Welcome, DbryanYES.
That's familiar...
People's "advice" to "just get over it," "deal with it," and "snap out of it" have never worked for me.

(No need to answer these questions.) What methods have you tried to move on? Are you geographically separated from the locales of those memories?

Please make yourself at home.

I have serape rated but I have never truly confronted or those people. I never got closure or told them how I feel. A part off would love to just go off, but that's not who I am. But I think I am ready to go back though.

Hi Dbryan, I'm really sorry you've been treated so badly in the past, but you are going to find people who care here
And yes, moving on from things can be way harder said than done. Have you had much opportunity to talk about the things that have happened to you?? Sometimes that can help...........
But as for the people who've treated you that way well I'd say they don't deserve to have this power over you, you are better than them. Now what happened says a lot more about them than it does about you. And you deserve to try to focus on a better future without them. I know it probably isn't at all easy, but they don't deserve to hurt you anymore.
And as for bring a good person, trying to do right by people, try to hold onto that, right??
Being who you are doesn't have to be wasted/used against you. There are much better people than those out there, people who will really admire that in you, people who won't take advantage of that.
And of course, you are going to be more alert to the one's who might let you down. So don't settle for second best in your life. Just take your time to try and know better people. I'm not saying just go leave yourself open to hurt, I'm just saying try to recognize people who do deserve to be in your life. Because you do deserve a better future.
And, if you want to talk more...........

Alison

Thank you I appreciate that. I feel that when I find something I love to do, I will be able to not have it in my mind as much.

The thing is, these people most likely DID step on you and treat you badly as you describe. I believe you. The fact that you are correct is actually kind of a trap because it is misdirecting you as to where the problem is. When you are not depressed, this kind of thing happens now and then. You might think about for a while and then decide to forget or you might take some action. When you are depressed, on the other hand, the memory of the insult will haunt you. It will return again and again and again and again and again. This is basically the same thing as "holding a grudge." I think that the core problem is just your depression and the best way to have healthy relationships is to undepress yourself as best you can.

I can relate. I also struggle with this.

I have a really good memory and most people would consider that to be a blessing. It's not.

Same. I can relate. I think it happens to sensitive people. We get hurt so deeply that we need to have time to understand why it happened, how bad it hurt, ways we can prevent feeling this way, etc. I have also been a doormat and it's not a good feeling at all. I think with time (years), things will not affect you as much as it used to. You have to consciously choose whether or not you're going to hold on and dwell about the situation /or/ choose to learn from what happened and move on to brighter days.
Also with the doormat thing, it's very very hard but learn to love who you are and be sympathetic to who you are. When you feel like you're being taken advantage of, stop. Talk to you yourself kindly and say I don't like how I am being treated right now. I won't let myself be treated badly because I want to end the pain and I deserve the best. And don't follow the orders of whoever is stepping on you.
It's a long journey. I am also working on it.

Best of luck.

I totally can relate with you. I have always been the "center" friend, I was friends with everyone always torn in between when one of them didn't like the other, always there at midnight if they needed a ride home from the bar, always babysitting their kids, etc.
I lost a guy best friend in March this year. Most heart wrenching thing ever. I didn't grieve the way I needed .. I became angry .. emotional .. snapping off when I didn't even realize it. Frustrated almost that NO ONE else could HELP ME feel better (not that it was their place I guess) .. but all within a week I lost a handful of my close friends (10+ years friends) they all jumped on the bandwagon everyone quit talking to me. Put me in a deep depression I felt I had NO ONE. 6 months later not 1 of them still has tried to see if I'm alive or dead. It hurts and I can't let go. It consumes me at times. All I want to do is forgive and forget and "get over it" but it's not that easy .. I feel your pain...only thing I try to find positive is to know these people are no longer a part of my life .. I don't have to "do" for them anymore .. they weren't a friend to begin with I guess. (Hard to imagine) I pray for the day I can break free and let it all go and it not bog me down.
Good luck...I'm here!