This perhaps should go into the relationships forum, but I see things through the veil of depression and I would like opinions from others who do the same.

We moved here (half way across the country) about ten years ago. I have one sister. She stopped speaking to me and my family when we left. Previously, we were very close.
I continued to give monetary gifts to her children for Christmas and Birthdays. My children didn't even get a card.

I have tried to ask her why she's angry, but the only reply was that she had a "problem" and would not elaborate. She did email me once...In reply I asked for an explanation from her about her treatment of us. She would not give it to me. I have spent years fretting about this and wondering what I did. The only conclusion (and my husband agrees) is that she's angry that we left.

I finally emailed and told her that I don't wish to have any contact with her.

I am wondering what anyone else here would have done, considering your own depression.

Thank you to all who care to reply.

[marmaduke]

Sounds like she has not forgiven you for leaving, she feels betrayed, abandoned.
Why did you move so far away? Not criticizing just wondered.

[kaliope]

I think you did what you needed to do to make your mental health better. I would have found emailing her to say you no longer wanted contact unnecessary since she wasn't contacting you but I think it is what you needed to do for closure, to let her know that you have finally let go of this relationship and the need to understand what is wrong. but I think you are looking at this wrong. you didn't do anything wrong. you did what you needed to do for your family. this is your sisters problem. she is punishing you for it. she is being childish. she refuses to communicate. this is all on her. unfortunately you lose. this doesn't mean you have to stop sending cards for Christmas to her kids. why would you punish them for what your sister has done? just because she chooses to be a ***** doesn't mean you have to. but if it hurts you too much to have that contact, then certainly stop.

[regretful]

I wish I had a good answer. I live in the same town with two of my three siblings. I don't have any contact with one of them...it exacerbates my depression because as children we were close and I don't like that we have not communicated.

Relationships are tough..even tougher when you're depressed. There is such a withdrawal into the self with depression, at least for me there is. I get too introspective, then that leads to self-criticism, which lowers and already low self-esteem.

I just realized I didn't respond to the what would anyone else have done...I think I would have done the same, and put the ball in her court...as I've done with my sibling.

I do think that sometimes it is other people that hold the grudge, it's just that depression, at least for me, makes it seem like everything is our fault.

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Sounds like she has not forgiven you for leaving, she feels betrayed, abandoned.
Why did you move so far away? Not criticizing just wondered.

It was mostly a career move. Not necessary, but wanted not only for the job, but for the change.

Thank you for your answer.

[marmaduke]

Are you glad you moved?

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Are you glad you moved?

I was very excited at the time. She seemed to share in that, too, until the day we left. Then she went to work. I had to call her to say goodbye.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Did you improve your mental health? I don't know, there are just too many variables in life. But I do think cutting off communication is an appropriate move. It's not ideal obviously, but if someone refuses to treat you with respect then I think being forward and honest like you have been is a fine way to deal with it, I may have done the same thing or something similar in your position.

Maybe she's holding a grudge, maybe it's something else, but until she turns around and forgives you/herself/moves on/whatever else, she will most likely be a strain on your life.

What do you think you'll do if your sister does get in touch?

[Altered Moment]

Sounds like she feels abandoned and it triggered abandonment issues. She doesn't know what to do with that and blames you. That's my guess.