I was diagnosed with depression in 2008, but I have dealt with depression my entire life. I had it and anxiety as early as kindergarten, when I remember freaking out so much while taking a test that I 1) couldn't remember any of the answers and 2) repetitively scratched at a spot on my right temple so much that it bled during the test.

I've had lots of episodes of self-harm since, but I'm not as bad as I was even a year ago. Still, I deal with low points in my mood quite often. Every couple of months, I'll get a month where I feel like curling into a ball and not dealing with anything or anyone. I feel empty and lonely and just don't want to exist.

I've been writing a book (actually have made progress on it this past year) and that has helped a lot, but at the same time I feel like it's becoming an obsession. Perhaps I'm leaning on writing too much. But I can't stop, because I have goals I have to meet.

So this time, I'm feeling low and sad and want to isolate myself, but I don't feel empty like I usually do. I feel like that's an improvement, like there's hope on the other side, but I also feel like, if that hope isn't actually there, I'll fall further than I was in the first place. And then, it's possible that tomorrow I'll wake up after a good night's sleep and I'll feel better, and won't want to bother with talking to anyone.

I do want to go back into therapy (the last time was two years ago, and I saw a therapist for a year) but I feel like it might be a waste of time and money because I don't want to build that relationship with someone that I feel won't really care, or maybe won't remember, and then I won't want to keep going.

But, if it makes any difference, my new PCP did say I should check into it, because I mentioned my depression and that I deal with it on a daily basis (which I do, it doesn't just go away when I'm not feeling like crawling under a rock).

So should I seek therapy? Is it really a good idea now, when I could very well be "okay" tomorrow?

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hey there!

The short answer is: Yes! You should indeed go and seek therapy, because the mood is quite the trickster. When you feel good, you are already on top of the mountain and you won't seek help even if you need it, when you feel bad, you're on the bottom and you feel like you need immediate help. For this to be controlled, you need to be trained by a therapist, and psychotherapy alone will even help a lot for sure. I believe it's indeed a good idea to go and seek therapy for sure

And your obsession, at least when you think about it, it's quite a positive one, but you do need to tone it down a bit, but don't get rid of it completely. Even for that, you're going to need a therapist!

Keep us posted, and tell us what your next move is going to be, okay?!

Take care

[i dont matter]

Quick answer.... if you have to ask - then you could use it.

[lovejoy91]

Why not? It doesn't hurt to try. Kudos to the book!

I'll have to keep thinking about it. I'd end up having to take off time from work in order to go to any sessions and right now I can't afford that...