[Scardy1983]

Hi all, first post here. I am in a difficult place, I was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, had surgery and treatment and everything is ok now.

I am struggling with the after effects of this now, depression, always tired, cannot sleep and general loss of interest in life.

My partner has stuck with me through it all, it must have been hard for her. Recently I have felt she is quite distant and pushes my advances away. I approached her about this and she says that she still loves me but I am not the person she fell in love with 5 years ago.

This has made me feel deflated, I don't want to lose her and will fight for her. She says it feels like we are just friends now.

My GP has put me on antidepressants and I have counselling but I do not feel like this works for me.

It is making me angry with the world and myself, but I don't know how long I can go on like this.

My head is so messed up now. My partner of 5 years tells me that I am not the person she fell in love with.

3 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, I just started a new job me and my partner were saving for a house everything was great until this diagnosis.

She has stuck with me through it all, and although my treatment was successful I am no suffering from depression, poor libido, and a general loss of of interest in life.

I am currently taking antidepressants and having counselling, of which do not appear to help much.

I am afraid I will lose her. I thought life was getting better as now we have a house, cats, etc.. and I am looking forward to starting a family with her.

I feel rejected and do not think I can cope on my own.

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[healingme4me]

((((Scardy1983))))

Stands to reason any new major medical diagnosis will change a person, to a point. At the same time, maybe it's her that's changed? Life isn't the same, as it was 5 years ago, of course it's not the same.

Is your partner, also in counseling? Caregivers need help, too.

[Scardy1983]

I have asked her to come along to see my counsellor, of which she said yes to first and then changed her mind. I will ask her again though to see if she has given it any more thought.

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[vital]

Originally Posted by Scardy1983

I feel rejected and do not think I can cope on my own.

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Hi Scardy. I suspect that the best thing all around is for you to get super-focussed on your own physical and mental health whether your relationship works out or not. What you're doing for depression apparently isn't working, so you have to figure out what to try next. Personally, I think that the best plan for depression is this:

1. Get yourself checked out for purely medical issues that can cause depression. There are surprisingly a lot of these.

2. Try ALL the known non-drug ways of improving depression.

3. If all else fails, try antidepressants as advised by an MD.

For 1, there is a video where some of the medical issues are discussed in post #45 of this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

I think this always makes sense, but ESPECIALLY in your case.

For 2, non-drug ideas include diet, supplements, exercise, therapy, brain training, meditation, other ideas listed in "depression success stories" here. The thread above includes my own secret weapon. It's very easy to try and, in a sense, it is a way to find your own inner strength.

I think you can cope on your own, too, if it comes to that.

- vital

[Kathleen83]

There are sooooo many different medications.....and it seems like every single person reacts differently to every single med. Keep talking to your doc and keep trying different ones until you find something that works for you. Maybe your counselor can give you some tips on how to reach out to your partner, and find new ways to communicate with her? If she isn't yet willing to talk to a counselor herself, you still need to find a way to keep talking with her, and help her resolve the issues between you. It sounds like your major health battles have distanced you two from a lot of intimacy (and your current meds might be playing a part in that also) - but she's still there, there's still hope. Just keep trying to rebuild your link to her, so that she will start feeling like you are more than "just" friends. She was IN love with you once. Your health might have changed who you are, might have changed who SHE is, but that doesn't mean you can't make her fall IN love with you all over again. Hold onto hope!

[Altered Moment]

I am very sorry all of this is effecting your relationship. As if you aren't going through enough. I am afraid depression is pretty common after a major medical situation.

I found a few articles that may help. Is there a support group available to you? In my community there is one called "Friends" it is a local one though.

Cancer survivors: Managing your emotions after cancer treatment - Mayo Clinic

Life After Cancer Treatment - National Cancer Institute

[Scardy1983]

Thanks for everyone's support, I have decided to come off medication as it just makes me drowsy and zombie like. My partner seems a bit happier with me at the moment but shake the feeling she wants to move on. We had a good night out a few days ago, we played some air hockey at a local amusement arcade and got a takeaway after.

I am going to up my exercise game a bit by eating better and lifting heavier weight etc to push my self so I can get some personal achievements. Going towards the gym always makes me feel great.

Also I had a blood test done yesterday to check everything is in order, I will update the you with the results as soon as I can.

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[Scardy1983]

Blood results all normal except thyroid which was borderline, gonna have another blood test in 6 weeks time to see if any change. Got back in touch with my counsellor, my partner came with me and found it very helpful.

We are making more of an effort currently, I'm off the pills and feel better for it. Gonna see my counsellor twice a month to retrain my confidence levels and other issues. I love her so much, and want to give it the best chance I can, I realise not to pressure her and going to take Kathleen83 advice and hope she falls in love with me again.

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[Scardy1983]

Nearly got intimate with my partner tonight, but we stopped, she says it doesn't feel right, more like sleeping with a friend. I cannot cope like this, I feel like we are making progress then just lots a of negativity, I don't think she wants it to work

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