How do I let go of this intense anger?

I suffer from depression and anxiety. I was in love with this guy, but there were so many things that prevented me from going further with him. So many things like he does coke, he's a player, etc etc. I remained friends with him because he told me about his life story and I could relate. I figured it would be ok to have him as a friend than to not have him at all. I stuck up for him, never judged him. I was there by his side though thick and thin, and I thought it would always stay that way, good friends!

Well, I have been ignoring him for the past two months because I noticed a change in his attitude towards me. In September he started to be come hasty with me, and started to be mean to me, so I just didn't talk to him. Then he started contacting my parents and asking them "We all should go out!" He included my name and then he said "I have been trying to go out with you guys for over a year!" And so he invited me out to a bar the other night, and I decided to go because I felt bad I ignored him. I went and it was the worst night of my life. He ignored me, humiliated me, and bullied me. He kept saying "I knew you were a lesbian!" All because I call a girl "hot" to her face. He kept calling me the other derogatory name for lesbian. He introduced me to people and said "This is my friend Sara, the d*ke" People laughed and thought it was funny. He treated me so terribly, and so wrong. He also flirted with girls in front of me and talked to them, and went off with his buddies, left me by myself and ignored me. It was such a terrible, traumatic night for me. Reminded me of the bullied days in high school, it brought that emotional trauma back.

I am never speaking to him again. He humiliated me and made a fool out of me, and was utterly cruel to me that whole night. But now I just have immense anger! I can't let go of it. I can't sleep and when I do sleep I have nightmares of him ignoring me and ridiculing me in front of people. I am so distraught and upset over this incident. I am letting him rent so much space in my head. I just don't know what to do? I am so angry, sad, and hurt. I feel like ripping him to shreds but I know I can't. I am in a deep depression, and all I keep doing is replaying that horrible night out in my head. How do I let go of this anger? Will I ever let go of it? I am so hurt, that it's causing physical problems, and it literally consumes my head day in and day out.

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Dear Roxy,

I have only realized this myself, but I think I understand what's going on with you and I think I know exactly what to do about it too. I'll attempt to explain and you let me know if this is making sense to you.

The most important and revealing fact of your story is simply this: Although the party was obviously very unpleasant and stressful for you, you nevertheless did not leave, at least, not for a long time. Understanding WHY you did not leave is the essential point. I believe that this is the key to understanding what's going on and the key, perhaps, to resolving your entire depression and anxiety.

I think that you did not leave that party because the hidden central mechanism of depression was at work. The central mechanism, I believe, is that stress causes you to unconsciously turn away from your own internal decision making process. Under stress, a depressed person will stop deciding anything without realizing that they have stopped deciding anything. I suspect that you were in this state throughout the party and that's why you didn't leave. Although the process of slipping into this state is unconscious, you still get a sense that something is wrong and a horrible sense of helplessness on top of all the emotional stress from how you are being treated.

Roxy, that part of you that decides what you do is very important. In a way, it is your own true inner self. Getting back in touch with it may be the key to overcoming your depression and may be the key to many other wonderful benefits too. This is all just my opinion, but I really think I am right about this. For more, including what to do about it, see this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

By the way, this is the same reason why depressed people find holiday social gatherings horribly depressing. If you're not depressed, the closest feeling to it might be the feeling you have while you are being pulled over by a traffic cop or being robbed at gunpoint. That horrible feeling of helplessness happens for depressed people all the time.

- vital

Hey Roxy, sorry to hear it went so badly.

If this guy has been doing drugs, that's a BIG red flag to stay away from him!

As for the anger - sometimes running/power walking or doing something physical helps, doing some sports or even punching some pillows?
For me, playing guitar or writing songs about things that made me angry helped...

Take care & hope things get better soon!

Anger? I don't deal well with it either. It sounds nice to say just let it go but I don't find that to be reality. Go out and have a good time with someone that will respect you. That will probably displace the negative B.S. this loser pulled on you.

Thank you so much for commenting! The reason why I didn't leave is because I was a bit drunk, and I wasn't grasping how really bad it was to be at that bar with him. I knew it was bad, I didn't think though it was that bad because of my intoxicated state, if that makes any sense? Like the next day and thinking about it now sober it sinks in more and more how badly I was treated. It's building up a lot of anger. I know that if I were completely sober and he was doing that I would have left right away. Poor decision making on my part. I just have so much anger because I want him to know how terribly wrong I was treated, but I know that's useless because he will probably not admit he's an asshole did that wrong, etc. I just want to let it go, I hate that is consumes me day in and day out when that piece of **** is walking around with no care in the world, no hurt, no sadness, if anything he's probably walking around feeling superior and feeling like he's a million dollars because he figures "Haha, I one upped her, big time!" Thank you for the feedback it is very informative. Take care.

Thank you all so very much for the support and advice I do appreciate it because I feel alone. I don't have many friends, so I don't really have that support I need, thank you for that I forgot to add, that he called up my house phone 2 days later and was talking to my dad. He was acting like nothing happened, and he's trying to work for my father. My father owns his own construction company, and so he kept begging for work. That is when I told my dad all what went down.

I also told my dad if he needs him for work he can use him, but I am just letting you know how the way I was treated, well my dad made his own decision to not use him for work. Then a couple of days later he calls my house phone again. and leaves a weird, message. He sounded like a psycho, and he was cracking jokes and I guess he was trying to act funny on the message, but I am thinking "How dare you?" How dare he call up my house and act like everything's cool? Like everything is ok? What makes him think my dad would hire him after the way he treated him? I wonder if he's doing this to mess with me? Or if he is just truly a selfish, cruel, person, that doesn't care, and just wants to work for my dad? Any thoughts? please share, thank you.

Is this the same guy that you've posted about before?

He is acting like my brother. I think he has mental health issues (worse than you think, maybe). I wish you the best and hope you find peace over this soon.
A hug

Hi Roxy, I can completely relate to your post. I had a similar experience a couple of years ago. Although it happened with my "best mate". She "thought" yes thought, that I was hitting on her ex. Anyhow the night went from bad to worse and she actually ended up beating me up, I came out with a cut fat lip, bald patches where she had ripped my hair out, and lots of scratches to my face and neck too. The following day she didn't actually apologise but she felt guilty about the event, saying it should never have happened... However even after that she still proceeded to tell both her mates and our mutual mates that I had slept with her ex... All of which was not true....
Anyway to my point... The anger I felt was very much like yours, day in and day out thoughts of anger, hatred and thoughts and ideas of how I wanted to get her back for the lies. It was so difficult to stop these thoughts from coming.
Then one day I don't really know how (so this probably isn't going to help) but I just thought.... Hang on a minute I'm a good person, I haven't done anything wrong and it's her that has done wrong NOT ME. It's her that has a problem NOT ME. It's her problem NOT MINE.

So.... Remember HE has the problem NOT YOU!!

xXx

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