Bad day

I suppose I have been lucky because life was getting a little better. Today the bottom fell out, mainly at work. Co-workers with negative attitudes, doctors complaining. Rumors of threats are re-circulating around the office. I am tired of being threatened. I do the best job I possibly can. Anxiety got the better of me today and caused migraines, chest pain, shortness of breath. I can't keep going like this.

Work.....
((((((Waterknob))))))

Keep on fighting and make things as hard as you can for them, don't rollover and give in because that's what they want. ((((((Waterknob))))))

I know it's really hard to leave work at work, but something I would like to incorporate in my life would do a mental containment exercise where I just imagine some type of container with a lid and put all my work ***** inside and it's impossible for the lid to come off and then put the container in a safe or another place so it stays at work. I have done containment exercises during therapy appts. and I have found it very helpful, I would encourage you to try it and see if it works. If you don't have to have work follow you home, it's one less thing to worry about and one less intrusion. Good luck !

Hi waterknob, it does sound really tough, I'm sorry
But all that progress you made, seriously doesn't have to have gone away. It is still there, just under the rest of it. Hold tight to that!!!
And you know it sounds like a lot of this is about other people and their problems, I can completely get how they can effect you so much , but why should you have to carry their problems, why should they have to weigh you down???
You remember your progress, they have no right to effect that, and they certainly have no right to walk through your front door with you right into your home!!! In your head, you shut the door on them!!! This is your space, and you've earned it!!!!
And as for work........well you know you do a good job!!! And so do we, from how caring you are, and how much you persevere!!!
It obviously isn't all about the money etc. or you would have walked by now, regardless!!!
So you remind yourself of that, you give yourself credit for what you do!!! And you feel proud of yourself for the things you do manage to do, that make a real difference.
And I don't care if you can't think of that many, or they're only small things............sometimes the isolated or really small things are some of the most important things!!!
So if other people want to stick with only the negative, then that's their loss/their problem............don't let it taint the rest, hey?? It matters too much.
And the rumours..........yes be tired of them, be fed-up of them, yes maybe treat them as monotonous.......empty.......hollow until they actually come true/if they do..........and you try focusing on/remembering something else.............the parts of your job that actually do matter!!! And then if the rumours come true, well you've prepared yourself deep down for that anyway............and I hope you're still looking for another job anyway???!!!

Alison

I appreciate everybody's love and kindness. All of you have helped me keep my sanity. There are several items feeding the ugly problems at work. First, this time of year we have extra stuff to do because people are trying to fit everything in before the end of the year. Second, my clerical duties are so far behind because I never get time to do them and we are told to cut out the overtime. We are also not allowed to work off the clock to get stuff done. A junior manager told us we are getting some help. They are hiring an old worker to help. That is great. However, as soon as the Junior manager mentioned that they are hiring extra help, along came a threat. We were told that after the new employee comes to work if we are caught working overtime we will be written up. This junior manager told us we were lucky that none of us has been written up so far. That is what I work with everyday.

Merry Christmas is coming and I can't even get happy about it. I had chest pain and shortness of breath again this afternoon. I could not find my inhaler. The bully junior manager felt sorry for me and left me alone. She wanted me to text her and tell her if I am okay. I have not texted her. It's a shame I have to have chest pain, and be sick for people to leave me the $&@# alone. Sorry for the language. I am just sick of the whole situation. As I sit here at my computer at home I now feel much better. Stress is wearing me out. But I will survive.

Hi waterknob, well it is good that you're going to be getting someone else in to help, hopefully they'll be able to take the weight off you a bit
But for now.......well if your clerical duties are slipping you'll at least have some evidence of the other things you've had to do which have needed to take priority. And perhaps when you're asked to do something not clerical then make it clear to the person asking/expecting that you can do it, but that means you'll be further behind on............and you know what I'm going to say now...............document it!!!!
And make sure you're telling your manager the problems you're having fitting in x, y and z, keep telling them!!! Including breaking down the time it takes to do certain things, they can't expect you to break time barriers/work miracles, right??!! And again.......document conversations!!
When everyone else is in the same position as you though.........reality has to kick in at some point with the managers..........if it's not just one person/you not being able to hit targets given the restraints, which it won't be!!!
And you know, why not tell that junior manager some of the things that might be contributing to your chest pain, shortness of breath...........the stress and pressure you're all under (??)........how you're trying to do your best..........how you're doing everything that's physically possible but............
And don't be sorry for the language , you feel strongly about something.........you express it!!! Just glad you're feeling a bit better on posting though, hoping it continues........and don't forget we're here for you!!!

Alison

Depression is a beast. People at work were pleasant to get along with. But guess what?? We have been given more work to do and extra tasks. The head managers don't seem to care if we all have a stroke. We already have more work than we can handle. The head nurse and I both talked about seriously looking for another job, any job. The head nurse really isn't the head nurse anymore. She is an LPN and she has been demoted. They gave a medical assistant a management job over her and she has worked in the office for 20 years. Does this sound bizarre to anyone else?

Alison I like your advice about documenting all conversations. I suppose that would be helpful if you run into legal issues. Meanwhile I just have to keep praying and plugging along.

I am so thankful for all of my kind hearted friends on this board. It helps so much to have good people like you all who understand.

I have worked some really bad jobs too. More work than can be done, no overtime, no working off the clock, you will be written up, etc. Eventually, I stopped caring. I did my best as usual, but just did not care anymore. Fire me? I felt like that would be a blessing. They really do not want to fire. They want you to quit.

You must have worked at my office. You hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I think I would be blessed if they would fire me. I can see I am not going to get fired, just have my butt chewed out everyday.

This was another horrible day. Sorry for the complaining. I have no one else I can talk to. No one who understands. The doctors were in a bad mood and snapping at me and the head nurse. The Junior manager got angry at me for no reason and accused me of talking about her behind her back. I was not even talking about her. Now I am but I will not reveal her name. I know she has lots of anxiety over her upcoming surgery tomorrow and I feel for her, but why did she have to lash out at me. Then she tells me that other people in the office are talking bad about me.

I'm tired. I feel abused. I have had enough.

I'm not the smartest person in the world. But I'm not the worst person either. Yes I make mistakes but I try to fix them. I try my best but my best is never good enough. Then, when people get me upset, I can't think straight and make more mistakes. I know you should not drink to deal with depression, but that is the only thing calming my nerves right now.

I have had enough. I have to make it thru the holidays. My son is coming home for Christmas. I have to hold on for the family. After the holidays I'm not sure what I will do but something has to give. Sorry for the long rant.

Drinking is a way I deal with it too. Even though we know it's not smart
Rant away....
(((((Waterknob)))))