[Trak141]

I am currently 25 years old and I have severe depression. When I was born I had a tumor on my spine. The nerves were wrapped around it so surgery was risky but it had to be done. The nerve damage from the surgery caused me to have a colostomy and I have to self cath myself. The medical conditions alone makes life a struggle but the depression/anxiety makes it worse. The depression is getting worse and the medications don't help. When I am like this it's like my thoughts are clouded and it's hard to concentrate. My anxiety is so bad that my entire body shakes. The more I try to win the battle the worse it gets. I've recently lost my job and now I feel like I'm at a dead end. I don't feel like I'm cut out to live in this hectic world. Everything at this point just feels overwhelming and I don't know how much more emotional pain I can handle. I've never been in a relationship so the only support I have is family. I just don't know what to expect of my future. When I think about the future I see nothing good coming from it.

[gayleggg]

I'm glad you found PsychCentral. I hope it will help you as much as it helped me.

Here are a couple of links you might find helpful.
Health & Other Support
Coping with Emotions
Treatment Resistant Depression
Depression Symptoms, Information and Treatment - Psych Central

If you have any questions you can always PM me. All you need to do to do that is click on my name on the right.

Best wishes.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Trak141

The more I try to win the battle the worse it gets.

In my experience, this is exactly the case.

Are your doctors - all of them - aware you are on (antidepressant?) medications and that they are not working?

please continue posting here. your life is very much worth sticking around for. there are peaks and troughs; and remember that this is an awful phase in your life. but you are doing so well to even be here right now.

are you seeing a therapist?

[Fuzzybear]

[Born2Fly71]

Praying for you!

[vital]

Originally Posted by Trak141

I am currently 25 years old and I have severe depression. When I was born I had a tumor on my spine. The nerves were wrapped around it so surgery was risky but it had to be done. The nerve damage from the surgery caused me to have a colostomy and I have to self cath myself. The medical conditions alone makes life a struggle but the depression/anxiety makes it worse. The depression is getting worse and the medications don't help. When I am like this it's like my thoughts are clouded and it's hard to concentrate. My anxiety is so bad that my entire body shakes. The more I try to win the battle the worse it gets. I've recently lost my job and now I feel like I'm at a dead end. I don't feel like I'm cut out to live in this hectic world. Everything at this point just feels overwhelming and I don't know how much more emotional pain I can handle. I've never been in a relationship so the only support I have is family. I just don't know what to expect of my future. When I think about the future I see nothing good coming from it.

Hi Trak141,

Antidepressants often don't work, but be sure not to quit suddenly if you want to get off. Also, I think it's very important to check if you have a purely medical/nutritional underlying issue that's causing your depression. What I think is the best general plan can be found in post #74 of this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...escaped-8.html

Hang in there Trak. Depression makes you think that you can't get better. I know it feels like that, but it's not true.

- vital

[-jimi-]

Depression is a hard thing, very hard.

Do you have any subcategories to feeling bad? I know it might sound crazy but....

I used to sort of have some.

There was the attitude from other people..... I know now I do not have to be like anyone else or internalize their criticism. I know even with my bumps and bruises I am just as worthy. If they don't believe that they can go suck an egg.

Also there was the effects of my illness (I have lupus)... I felt like what if I didn't have it? I would have more energy. But I came to forgive my illness. I know it sounds weird. But it took a chunk of my life and I can't but let it and I try to have the rest for myself.

Safety... I was afraid not to get by financially. This was scary. Now I'm pretty much set but I still feel uneasy about this. I mean we need money to live... right?

What was left was the illness depression. For me I needed meds to get out of it. Other people might need something else. I knew the illness was not my fault and also I was very aware I could not think myself out of it.

What helped me endure was keeping in touch with my friends online. I needed to be told to hang in there. So I did. I never think there would be any improvement, like how could there be? But I finally got better.