Just some random thoughts why my life sucks

So currently I'm able to think clearly for a change and I'm trying to figure out how it all went downhill.

There has always been this state of apathy, but I remember times when I wasn't constantly feeling miserable. I was optimistic and convinced that I was doing fine. Occasionally I would realize that I was wearing blinders, and that my flaws were more problematic than I had assumed. That in reality, my life truly sucked and I was in denial. I wasn't growing up and taking responsibility. My character wasn't developing as much as it should have.

It's part of my personality: apathetic, boring, unfunny, unstable, shy, nervous, weak.
I fail to wake the **** up and face reality. I'm stuck with an underdeveloped ego that isn't ready yet. The worst demotivator is knowing that there is no joy in life, no matter what I do. It makes me want to escape this hell by not waking up anymore.

A part of me has given up, but another part wants to be able to feel joy again. Please tell me I'm wrong and that this feeling is coming back again at some point.

Sorry you are feeling so crappy, tz90. I have bipolar disorder and have been in a depressive episode for about a year. No antidepressants helped me but ECT finally changed my depression from severe to mild. In other words, it STILL exists. I have faith, however, that some day it will go away.

While I don't know your history, diagnosis, etc., I would think - - especially if you avail yourself of a consultation with a psychiatrist and receive counseling - - that your depression should improve, if not go away, too. At least I hope so.

Hi tz90,

I can confirm that you can feel good again!

Have a look at this thread and see if it's describing what you went through. There's some general advice in post #74 of the thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

I've been diagnosed with depression, she said it sounded severe. Therapists in my city are working to capacity and don't even accept new patients anymore. I had to wait five months for a first meeting, only to find out that it's not going anywhere. It's like I was able to predict conversations with her beforehand, so it had no effect, I couldn't take her seriously and stopped going. Finding a new one now would take months, maybe up to a year. I always feel like crap calling multiple therapists only to get rejected, wtf. Seems like the whole freaking city has gone mental and needs counseling, it's ridiculous. As for drugs, I haven't taken antidepressants but I took mdma a couple of times. It made me feel a bit better and so I took more and more as soon as the effect ***** off. I'd probably get addicted to be honest.

I'll give the snap thing a try though, sounds interesting.