[ToeJam]

Hi all,

Not been posting as much as I used to. I do my thing as per the role but expression of my feelings has diminished somewhat which I partially see as a good thing - that I've stabled out a bit with the meds and that things are not as chaotic as they were leading up to/during/after my hospital admission.

But, as per the title... I am still getting very very tired and it's a struggle to keep motivation and alertness up for more than a few hours before desperately wanting to sleep.

Self harming is still an issue... a small one and the spaces in between are much longer than they were.

Will be tackling trauma work with my T in the next few weeks... and a little nervous but I think I'm in a better place and she's been prepping me for it in baby steps this time (was not the only factor... but the week before my admission we did a big session and in retrospect she has admitted that she miscalculated my stability for it... not her fault... I guess as a defence mechanism I do try to show others that I'm calm and strong )

So yeah... that's where I'm at right now... thought I'd check in and say hi

[Idiot17]

TJ good to hear from you!

It's good your si has longer 'spaces' between each 'session'.

Good luck on your trauma session with your t.

(((((TJ)))))

[avlady]

I am sad to hear you self harm, i dont quite understand why people out there do such things, but that is why there are docs and t to help us. i hope you can kick the habit and learn some positive coping skills there are tons of books on self help, i know how bad it feels too to even get the energy up to read one of them myself.

[ToeJam]

Thanks Ava. I believe that you'd hear different explanations on self harm dependant on the person... In my case it's a release and odd how it may sound to others, safer imo than the binge drinking or 2 packs of cigs a day I used to do (I don't drink or smoke at all anymore) That's not to say I encourage it, I don't... Nor am I foolish enough to think there is little risk... But for me personally it's not for self loathing or a cry for help, it eases down panic and Sui ideation which happen when I become overwhelmed.

It is however a problem that I recognise in so much as it freaking others that care about me out. For that reason I am discreet, use self care and space it out.

Hopefully as therapy progresses the 'need/want' will diminish entirely.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( TJ )))))))))

[Frankbtl]

Hi TJ, welcome back to us!!!
And good to hear that there are actually a lot of positives there!!! You know you really have come a long way!!!
The tiredness on it's own has to be really draining though.........do you think maybe some of that could be side effects of medication?? Maybe depression?? Maybe still recouping from what you've been through?? Perhaps some of those or other things can be addressed with your CPN, doctor or pdoc????
But until then.........perhaps try to accommodate for the tiredness a little, if you aren't already (!!) e.g. plan activities in smaller time scales, if there's a time/s of day you're regularly feeling at your tiredest......maybe leave those times free of commitments??
And allow yourself as much rest as you need, hey??
And the trauma work..............well a few weeks to plan it with your T to help with some of the nervousness?? You know, having her tell you how she means to structure the sessions/your progress ect.........and don't hold back with any questions for her about it, hey???!!!!
And thanks for keeping us updated!!!
Alison

[waterknob1234]

Hi ToeJam. It is good to hear from you. It sounds like you have come a long way and that you are doing much better and that is a good thing.

Do you think the tiredness may be side effects of your meds? Of course, if the medicines help you to get well, sometimes you have to deal with side effects. I am on amitriptyline to prevent migraines. It makes me sooo tired. I tried to come off this med and migraine headaches came back. I would rather be tired than have migraines.

Anyway, best of wishes with the trauma work. I am so glad to hear you are doing better.

[ToeJam]

Not sure waterknob, could also be a factor of not being very active, been on sick leave for almost 7 months now and as such + on a shoe string budget I guess my body doesn't know what else to do. T and psychiatric nurse agreed on me doing a small voluntary job to build confidence back, so I'm helping at a food bank for asylum seekers one morning a week.

[Rohag]

Hello, ToeJam!

Depression is tiring, and depression meds are frequently tiring. Years ago the docs tried adding a stimulant to my cocktail... Never again!

Glad you have a volunteer position. Any poetry lately?

[ToeJam]

Not really no, I should get back into it I guess

[TheOriginalMe]

Good luck with the volunteering, I hope it goes well. It sounds like a rewarding thing to do.

I think it isn't surprizing you are exhausted, for months you were living on adrenalin from all that anxiety, now that things are a bit calmer your body needs to adjust as well as your mind. Is there any chance of "prescribed" or subsidised exercise sessions? A structured exercise programme might help.