[EJ711]

How do you know when you're being lazy or just feeling depressed?

EJ

[bipolar_bear]

<----- me couch potato

I don't know maybe one is when you just feel like hanging out and the other when you see no point on doing anything? Absolutely no desire or ability to see any happiness in anything? Just thoughts.

[EJ711]

Thanks, BipolarBear!

Good thoughts!!

EJ

[Juliana]

I'm lazy most of the time -- except for when I'm at work. I'm not very self-disciplined at home. I spend way too much time sitting around on my arse when I get home from work and I'm completely useless on weekends.

The difference between being depressed and being just blah or down for me is this: The things I would usually enjoy doing no longer hold ANY interest for me... and if someone told me I had won $10 million, I wouldn't care. I am incapable of thinking of even ONE thing that would make me happy. I also get constant anxiety and a whole lot of mental chaos and PAIN (it's at its worst when I'm waking up) when I'm depressed.

My doctor thinks I'm mildly depressed right now, but I feel like this is pretty much my normal self. When I'm REALLY depressed, I know it. Maybe my doctor is right and my laziness or my blah mood is depression. If that's the case, though, I've been depressed continuously for about 6 years now.

[EJ711]

Juliana,

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I am very similar in the sense I am self-disciplined in regard to work, but that's it. That's interesting that we are similar in this regard.

Hugs,

EJ

[Juliana]

It turns out we're not alone in this. I posted a thread about self-discipline last night and it turns out there are so many of us in the same boat. I don't know if it's anxiety, depression, being worn out or if it's just the way we are.

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
EJ711 said:
Juliana,

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I am very similar in the sense I am self-disciplined in regard to work, but that's it. That's interesting that we are similar in this regard.

Hugs,

EJ

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Me three!

I feel like I use up all my energy at work. I end up getting home and feeling like cat vomit. I went out the other night and got very trashed and that was the 'happiest' i have been in ages. I did get a bit of a buzz over a payrise last week but I probably wouldn't have cared if the celexa wasn't starting to kick in a little bit.

i hope you both feel better ...

[EJ711]

Hey Drunksunflower and Juliana,

Maybe we are onto something.

DS, congratulations on your raise!

EJ

[drunksunflower]

Thank you EJ, I have worked my *** off so it is always nice to know it is worth it. Just a $5K one but they are quite regular and I expect another one with next promotion which I hope is not too far off.

I want to go home right now though

Thank you both for putting what I have had a really hard time expressing into words.

I feel like if I am functioning at work then it is not really valid to called myself 'depressed'.

heh.

[cajun]

I knew when I couldn't force myself to do anything. I've never been a lazy person before. Others see it as lazy, but mine was due to depression.

[drunksunflower]

What did you do re: work?

Some would argue that it's impossible to go to work and function in any way when you 'really' have it. I keep seeing things that suggest to me that's not always so ... For me it's when I can't do anything social and I am constantly coming home and going straight to bed and spending my weekend in bed and making lame excuses to not do stuff with people and taking sick days when I know that I really shouldn't be. I will be driving to work and hoping something happens just so I don't have to go that day, it doesn't need to be really bad, it just needs to be something that means I have a valid excuse. i've never been able to make myself do something deliberately though. Somehow I get there and force myself to put on another 'hat'. I have little strategies where, unless i'm meeting a client i won't wear lots of makeup to work normally, just a little, but i know to take my makeup with me during these times because if i have a stupid random crying spell i will need to cover that up. and when i feel like i'm spending more time than usual on something because my head is just fuzzy from not sleeping much and in general.

i suppose i am saying that it is when i feel like i am putting on a front all of the time and escaping from the world at every possible opportunity.

god that makes no sense at all.

[EJ711]

DrunkenSunflower,

I know how hard you push yourself. You have achieved great things at a very young age. I could see where just maintaining and meeting expectations at the high point on the career ladder, where you currently are, could be exhausting.

I could see these demands on you as leaving very little time or energy for a social life. I see your taking a day off here and there from work as healthy "mental health" days. Everyone needs those in corporate life.

Putting on your "game face" whenever you work in a corporate setting is an important skill to have.

The random crying spells stand out as a concern for me. I could see where you could very easily just feel overwhelmed.

Drunkensunflower, you have really set a tough pace for yourself. You can't be perfectly on your game all the time. If you don't get enough sleep, it does affect your concentration.

Hugs,

EJ

[ally88]

i agree with bipolar and cajun. you know its depression when you see no point what so ever in doing anything or even getting up for that matter, or when you literally cant force yourself to do anything. where as, laziness is just not doing anything for tha heck of it.

[drunksunflower]

what i'm saying is that there also seems to be a subgroup of people who do what they have to to maintain the illusion in situations they need to.

are you saying that those people aren't really depressed?

[drunksunflower]

EJ: Thank you for your lovely words. You know I think you have an amazing career too.

I just know that when my goalposts change so far that I can't envisage having a superfically normal life that is when that is that for me. I wouldn't want to and couldn't live like that. The thing that is important is maybe i don't care and i'd rather not do anything all day every day and BELIEVE me that happens but i still care in some way about the effect on and what it would look like to others if i fell apart visibly. namely my dad, best friends, and work colleagues. also i know that at some point it will probably pass ... i hate taking meds so much but i must admit i seem to have a bit more energy already.

anyway - i have loved reading your and Juliana's posts. makes sense to me

[EJ711]

Ally,

I like your phrase "can't force yourself" to do something.

I feel like that quite a bit about certain tasks around the house.

Thank you for that clarification!! That was very helpful to me.

Hugs,

EJ

[EJ711]

Drunksunflower,

Oh I see. It sounds like you were/are close to your father. Was he always very involved with you growing up? A father can make such a tremendous difference in the life of his daughter.

Maybe your are feeling some disillusionment about all you have gained. Now that you have "arrived" -- maybe it is not giving you all the satisfaction that you thought it would. I think there are a lot of good reasons to take anti-depressants -- energy is definitely one of them. When you're depressed you can't see things clearly, and depression can tell you lots of lies.

Keep posting.

Hugs,

EJ

[drunksunflower]

I am close to my dad, very. But really it's the fact that one can feel dead inside and still go through the motions.

We all have different drivers. i sort of think the ones inside can wither and be totally useless but even at the worst bits, well for me dad has lost my mum and even if i think world better without i still could not do that to him. so i guess for me external drivers keep me here ...

work, and job satisfaction, seems to keep me sane i don't think i'm the only one from what i see here

[EJ711]

Drunksunflower,

Even though I trust God that He has me where He wants me, I miss my corporate job. So I'm happy that you are enjoying yours.

Thanks for sharing about your Dad. Yes, our motivators change over time.

It's good to get to know you better.

EJ