[rockymars]

Hi everyone,

It's my first time using a forum like this, but I was hoping I could get some opinions.

I was always very emotional growing up, but I never thought that I was depressed. During the last few years of high school, I didn't want to get out of bed for periods of time, but again, I attributed it to not enjoying being at home.

I had a change in environment during college, and the first few years were amazing. During the final year, I broke down in public a few times, but again, I just attributed it to lack of sleep and stress. I finally went to see a psychologist at the recommendation of a friend, but even now, I tell myself that maybe I just want to use depression as an excuse for my behavior.

It's hard for me to accept this, because I have some days when I feel absolutely amazing, and almost giddy with happiness and I am so motivated. And then, I wake up one morning and I just don't want to do anything, and I feel uninterested/incapable of making myself do anything. This cycle continues, and often ends with me sobbing uncontrollably and my partner being very frustrated that I have shut down again.

I am posting now because last night, something happened that truly scared me - I had been feeling miserable for two days, (I also suffer from chronic pain, and it was especially bad) and I started crying. At some point after I had calmed down, my partner asked me if I remembered what he said to me before I started crying, and I have absolutely no recollection that that happened, even when he told me his exact words.

I guess I was wondering if this happens, or if I'm making excuses for myself again, and what everyone thinks?

[kaliope]

hi rockymars
i am concerned that this has been going on for so long and the cyclical nature of highs and lows you describe. i think it indicates a pressing mental health issue especially now that you seemed to have detached from your negative experience. i would highly recommend that you seek some professional help for an evaluation and let them know everything you have said here. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where we can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[avlady]

Welcome!!!I think you were probably just in such an extreme state of sadness you weren't thinking about how you were thinking and talking, but rather how you were feeling, and the conversation was unrecallable. i do that alot, my speech is something i don't realize what i'm saying sometimes. i've had people tell me i said things i don't even remember saying.maybe i'm thinking something and talking about it when i don't even realize i'm talking outloud?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i am concerned that this has been going on for so long and the cyclical nature of highs and lows you describe. ...i would highly recommend that you seek some professional help for an evaluation and let them know everything you have said here.

Agreed. Your symptoms warrant evaluation.

Please make yourself at home here.

[healingme4me]

You've mentioned physical pain, are you under the care of a neurologist?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[rockymars]

Thank you for all the support and concern. I'll make an appointment with a psychologist this week.

healingme4me, I have not seen a neurologist, but my GP keeps sending me to physical therapy, acupuncture and chiropractors and there have been no signs of improvement. It's tricky because the pain and the emotions seem to form this vicious circle.