this might be it (nothing but triggers)

(trigger warning)

Well, so much for recovery. My life is a hellish version of groundhog day. It's just a loop of the same kinds of losses and pain, tricking myself into thinking that things will be different, and having the exact same things happen again. I'm standing in the aftermath of everything recently burnt and ruined, and on the brink of things starting to look up. But I know where it's headed eventually. Because it always does, I can't escape this hell. This would be the wisest time to press the stop button, out of all the times in the past when I wish I had before everything fell.
I don't want to feel better about anything. Feeling better doesn't change things. I just want it to stop.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

Hi dearInTheHeadlights, I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, it sounds like you've been through a lot
I'm just wondering whether you fully recovered from some of those previous losses/pain or if some of that was buried and you're being triggered all over again, experiencing the impact of everything??
And maybe you didn't have as much support as you may have needed before.......help in building coping skills??
But sometimes things can just add up and add up............
Still you have made it through a lot, so you're clearly very strong deep down, it may not feel like it right now but.........you are!!
It's just like you said things are quite "recent", so feelings probably are really intense right now. That doesn't mean they have to keep on staying that way though.
And for now..........it might help to express things, to talk, to get some real support, to give yourself some time, and to work on some coping skills to build on that strength you already have.
And you know, we're here for you in that if you want to talk...............

Alison