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#1
Feb 05, 2015, 08:35 AM
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Hi, I am really struggling today with my depression and really need some help. I'm not suicidal. I have been depressed all of my life, and I will try to make the long story short.
So, I am now 25, male, I live in AZ. I have struggled with depression all of my life. I have always been extremely shy. I have no friends and never have had any real friends to speak of. I have terrible communication skills but I am competent, I don't have any neurological problems. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to have a girlfriend. I wanted that close relationship of a life partner. I went through all of my days of school and college and my first job without one. Most of the time I was depressed because I knew my chances of ever finding a girl to be with were extremely low because of my shyness and extremely low self-esteem. I simply had 0 confidence in myself, and it just kept getting worse and worse. I finally started going to therapy when I was 23. Last year, I was able to find the love of my life and I thought that was all I needed to be happy. Well, I am still depressed. I guess some of it is because since I wasn't able to have a girlfriend most of my younger years, I would see others that were happy with theirs and be jealous, and I was extremely desperate to find one. I always felt I was never good enough to be with anyone, and I still don't feel that I am good enough for my girl now. I think she is beautiful. And she is extremely forgiving of my flaws. We both love each other and she has told me she would like to be with me forever, and I would like to be with her forever, but it isn't fair to her that I am depressed because it brings her down with me. I don't know what to do, can I be truly happy? I mean, I enjoy my girlfriend very much, but I keep worry about my past or what could happen in the future, and I can't seem to enjoy being in the moment with my girl. I need help 
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 Kowareta, seeminglyreal, vital
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#2
Feb 05, 2015, 08:49 AM
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Quote:
My best advice for what you're going through is in this thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html  - vitalLast edited by vital; Feb 05, 2015 at 12:01 PM. |
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#3
Feb 06, 2015, 11:00 AM
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Have any professionals assessed you? It appears you already have a good sense of your challenges. It also appears you have accomplished much despite these challenges. Have you shared with your partner what you've shared here?
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#4
Feb 06, 2015, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. This is a good place to find support and orientation. I am a person with depression and anxiety. I am under treatment right now and feeling better. As a peer, I would like to tell you that I do not think that your main issue is wanting to have a girlfriend, etc. To me, that is just the surface. However, it is very encouraging you have achieved your goals ( including having a girlfriend) and also having therapy. I think you will get to the deepest aspects of your condition and keep improving as you are committed to your wellbeing. Hope you continue posting. I am sending you a hug
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
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#5
Feb 07, 2015, 12:16 AM
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Yes you can be happy. Is it going to be easy? No. Recovery from depression takes many attempts and resets in my experience. You learn a little more as you go, painful and frustrating as it is.
Look into finding more outlets or additional therapy sessions to work on your depression so you can enjoy more of your time with your gf. |
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#6
Feb 07, 2015, 01:23 AM
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Striking is right.
Also, have u tried psych drugs? I know some people hate them but I was exactly like u in my twenties and refused drugs for years until I gave in and (back then) Prozac helped me feel SSSOOO much better in combination with therapy. There are heaps more drug options now and they might just give u the lift u require. Good luck |
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#7
Feb 07, 2015, 02:11 AM
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First off, I want to congratulate you on coming out of your shell and embracing a relationship. Don't look back at your past if you can help it. Your future is right there in front of you. Enjoy the present. You can be happy. You're just use to being afraid.
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#8
Feb 07, 2015, 08:53 AM
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Thanks for your replies. I feel almost worse since I found my girlfriend. Not because I don't enjoy her, but because I feel incredibly guilty when I'm depressed and it makes her depressed. It's almost more pain than before being alone, but then again without her I wouldn't be here. Although I still wish I was never born, I think she deserves a better man, someone who is confident and knows what they want in life.
I have tried therapy with a lot of different therapists and never found one I like. In the end, I have found going to therapy to be more of a burden than helpful. I don't live in the city anymore, so there would be 1. The really long drive, 2. My insurance sucks so it would cost a fortune and 3. I'm not good at therapy because I'm so shy. It just isn't helpful to me at all. I have tried so many psych drugs, wayyy too many to list. I'm currently on Effexxor (sp?) max dosage, and my mood is swinging like a monkey on a vine. Overall I would say drugs aren't worth it at all. The Effexxor is the first drug that I actually *thought* was starting to make a difference with my mood, but now I can't tell at all. I'm still extremely depressed with no relief in sight. My job is going to crap, its forced slave labor requiring me to work 10 hour regular days M-F plus both Weekend days 8 hours. I'm really losing my f-ing mind. The hope of finding another job is slim to nothing, on top of that my girlfriend just quit her job because she kept getting robbed (manager of a pawn shop in the slums) on a daily basis. I live in AZ, so it is a giant sh*thole place with slums and ghettos everywhere. Need to carry a gun at all times but I don't have one. |
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#9
Feb 07, 2015, 09:53 AM
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Have you talked to her about all this? I think if you did you might feel better. It may be hard, but you need to learn to accept your past and try to move forward. Best of luck
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#10
Feb 07, 2015, 10:20 AM
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I talk to her about some of it. But I don't want to tell her that I am desperate for her. I wish there was a forward to move to, but I'm totally stuck
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#11
Feb 07, 2015, 11:25 AM
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Can u leave AZ?
Sounds like u hate where u live! Start a new life? |
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#12
Feb 07, 2015, 11:32 AM
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I wish I could, but my girlfriend wouldn't settle for anywhere other than the most expensive places, like a Flordian beach-front property. It would cost us roughly $4,200+ for us to even begin to move state-to-state, and I'm a poor-class citizen.
Not to mention we have 3 pets: 2 cats and a dog. They would be very hard to move across country. Oh, and a year lease with 7 months left. $3k+fees to break the lease. |
| FallingTears
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#13
Feb 07, 2015, 12:36 PM
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Therapy is about you putting in the effort for you. If talking to a T is too much, try a self help book on self-esteem. I am reading self-esteem by McKay and fanning.
Unfortunately if you ignore the source of your depression you will continue to be haunted by it. Its hard enough even when you work to address your issues. |
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#14
Feb 07, 2015, 12:58 PM
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You have little time and probably no energy to devote to therapy. Perhaps some brief form of progressive relaxation you could practice at work might be something doable.(Some people in highly stressful situations have been taught to tighten all the muscles in their bodies for a few seconds then release rather than attempt to progressively relax body parts. This is for environments where one can't spare more than a half-minute or so for relaxation.)
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#15
Feb 07, 2015, 01:06 PM
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I truly wonder if there's some correlation between shyness and depression. I think there is. All I can suggest to you is to get back in therapy, or do some "therapy" on your own.
You seem smart and self aware to me and I think that's a good thing.
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| vital
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#16
Feb 09, 2015, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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