[Sirensong18]

Greetings everyone. A little bit of a backstory to my inquiry...

My mother was not a good housekeeper. For as long as I can remember her house has been a disaster zone. Think hoarding, piles of stuff that make it hard to even walk from room to room, plus general disorder and debris from garbage, old dishes, etc.

Honestly, towards the end (after I had moved out) I was surprised to not see rats and cockroaches all over, considering how bad and out of hand things got before she died.

The only memories I have of my mother ever cleaning house would be right before company was due to come over. She'd have this huge "clean house day", which would always be a nightmare and very stressful for everyone.

Now that I'm living out on my own (with a husband, a cat, and no kids), I want to do better for myself. I don't want to collect crap like she did and let it pile up and become clutter. I make a conscious effort to get rid of junk that isn't used often so that clutter won't pile up. (Thank goodness Easter Seals picks up donations right from your doorstep!)

There are two problems right now with my being able to have a happy, clean household:

1. It is very hard for me to get motivated to do any cleaning. I'm sure this relates to my depression, as on some days it's hard to get motivated to do anything at all. I just try to use positive self talk and remind myself that I don't want to become my mother, and that is usually enough to get me going enough to at least wipe down the bathroom, or do some dishes, sweep, etc. But I end up feeling defeated, even if I do get a few things done, because it never feels like enough, and the work to be done is endless.

2. The biggest problem is that I really have no idea how to keep up a house. I had no example to learn from, and I really need some tips/tricks/advice. There are many things I don't know how to do, such as clean out a stove. It occurred to me the other day that we've been in our apartment 5 years now, and I've never once cleaned out the stove! Yikes!

So I guess I'm asking - how do you keep up with housework? Ideally, I'd like to have a "base level" clean that the house is just always kept at. I'd like for myself to not be embarrassed by the house if friends or family stop by unannounced and I don't have time to clean first.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Do you follow a cleaning schedule? Or do you divvy jobs up amongst members of the household? (So far all I can get my husband to do is clean the dishes and scrub out the bath tub occasionally - but he has said he wants to do more to help me to not stress so much, so that's a start at least. Now I just have to make him a 'honey do' list.)

Thanks in advance.

Well, everything is divided equally in my house--it always has been. That said, when I was in my deep dark place, I didn't do anything and my husband had to pick up the slack. I didn't feel bad because I didn't feel anything. Right now, things are still pretty bad, but I do have small spurts of energy during which time I try to take care of as much as I can.

I find a list to be of tremendous help. There is something satisfying about crossing stuff off a list Don't make it too ambitious though, as that can just lead to disappointment.

Being organized is CRUCIAL. Box up the knick knacks temporarily and have clean surfaces. My own rule is that if something comes into the house, then something has to go out. Put stuff where it belongs when you're done with it.

Get cleaning stuff that works well and is simple to use. For example Swiffer dusters, and disinfectant wipes can save the day in about ten minutes flat.

Oven cleaner (fume free) works remarkably well but be warned, you need a decent chunk of time. The instructions are right on the can. Just spray, let it work and clean it off (use a bucket of water and a sponge and change out the water frequently). You will need rubber gloves.

Some people set a timer...

Don't forget the music!

[vital]

Originally Posted by Sirensong18

1. It is very hard for me to get motivated to do any cleaning. I'm sure this relates to my depression, as on some days it's hard to get motivated to do anything at all. I just try to use positive self talk and remind myself that I don't want to become my mother, and that is usually enough to get me going enough to at least wipe down the bathroom, or do some dishes, sweep, etc. But I end up feeling defeated, even if I do get a few things done, because it never feels like enough, and the work to be done is endless.

Hi Siren,

"SNAP CLUB" is kind of perfect for that. It's a way of using everyday things like cleaning up to get more and more empowered and to help dissolve depression

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

[unaluna]

Try flylady.com

[Yoda]

I don't normally advise other websites but this one is so niche that it really suits the problem you describe. Home | Stepping Out of Squalor

I am a hoarder and also live in squalor. I tried getting help from TLC's Hoarding show but the so called 'organizer' that was assigned to me was horrid. She moved things into bags and boxes and stashed them in the garage/closets/my office but there was no actual organizing that happened. She was good at cleaning the dirty floors and mess but she didn't have a clue how to organize. She has her own company but she mostly does estate sales and I was her first 'real' organizing challenge, I think. Two years after the show was complete we finally moved some of the stashed boxes in the dining room and we found my son's guitar in the dining room closet that he used to play Guitar Hero. Seriously? Who would think to put a video game guitar in the dining room? That makes no sense!

/rant

I do find the site I gave you helpful at times. There are different ways to use the site, by posting daily lists and such but most helpful for me is their chat. It is not a social chat although sometimes we do talk about some social things but mostly people go on challenges on the top of the hour and bottom of the hour. You choose your goal whether to pick up ten items or fill two garbage bags or whatever you like. And it is okay to be in chat and not even do all the challenges; you can be a cheerleader and give everyone who is doing challenges hurrahs when they return.

Also there is another thread somewhere on PsychCentral where people are working on clutter but right at the moment I cannot recall which section it is in. I am sure someone else can link us to it later.

I think it's great that you realize that having a clean house is a goal worth working towards. It has positive psychological effects and just makes life easier in general.

I am having problems with cleaning now (and have been for several months) because of apathy from depression and low energy from health problems. I just signed up for the "Tiny Habits" (free) er, system, I guess. I start next Monday. The general idea seems to be to commit to do things which are helpful but so small that they're embarrassingly manageable. Three habits next week with e-mail feedback.

I grew up in an extremely clean house with a stay-at-home mom who cleaned, cooked, gardened, canned vegetables, sewed clothes, etc. She definitely had a schedule and she taught my sister and me a lot about house cleaning. Even so, when I moved out on my own, I found that there were lots of house cleaning tasks that I had never done before. Cleaning the oven was one of them. The internet is a great resource for information now, if you want more info. than just reading the instructions.

I don't usually recommend books I haven't read, but I have been *wanting* to read this one for a while, so I'll make an exception: The Lost Art of House Cleaning. It's supposed to be funny, too.

Maybe your husband will help you with trying to come up with a cleaning schedule and reading about how to clean. (Unless it's one of those topics that will cause a husband/wife argument.)

After I moved out on my own, I was living alone and I found myself letting things get very messy at first. It took a few years of trial and error, but with me, I finally got so that I usually would keep things pretty clean and neat because it was just so much easier and made me feel better. I think people who have clean houses do it for different reasons.

I have been making a little bit of progress the last month or so towards getting things back to a cleaner state. My depression has been a bit better, so I have seized a few moments when my apathy wasn't so bad to do a cleaning task.

I also find that looking at photos of the interiors of houses and apartments inspires me to want to clean and improve my own. I don't know if that works for everyone. I get an e-mail newsletter from "Apartment Therapy" (I live in an apartment.) It doesn't address cleaning at all, but does address storage methods and how to arrange your things to look good and be efficient.

I wish you lots of luck! Oh, and the person who said not to forget music made a great suggestion. When I'm doing serious cleaning, music makes it less boring. I actually made a "House Cleaning" playlist a few years ago of energetic favorites. Now I just need to use it!

[Sirensong18]

Thanks for the help and support everyone. I totally agree with the music thing - when I've got a few hours to devote to cleaning up, I'll usually put on some cheesy music from the 90's that makes me nostalgic and makes the task easier (like Spice Girls or Ace of Base.) Silly, I know, but it does make the job easier.

I did see that SNAP CLUB thing a week or so ago on the forums, and it sounds like a good idea. I've been trying to incorporate it into my life, but so far I'm just getting started.

Hopefully I can create a calendar or weekly list of 'stuff to do' and try to divvy up tasks with my husband so the workload is spread a bit more evenly.

I'm going to check out the books and websites recommended when I have a bit more free time.

Thanks again!