[UniqueNewYork]

I welcome literally any thoughts or ideas about my situation.

I am severely clinically depressed, along with a diagnosis of generalized anxiety.

The sad thing about all of this is that externally , I should have nothing to be sad or to worry about --

I have a loving nuclear family, a loving girlfriend , am graduating from law school in a few months, and have a 6 figure job lined up, and just turned 26.

And yet, I have relatively little joy and really don't enjoy life.

I usually cry once or twice during the day and am literally filled with fear 90 percent of the time.

Other info: Stopping drinking completely has helped a bit (used to be a social drinker, 3-5 drinks, 4 times a month).

I thank you for all your help or advice in advance.

[UniqueNewYork]

No posts? Not even people making fun of me? At least tell me I'm a gigantic loser.

[Cascada]

You say externally things are good, so what do you think is the cause of feeling this way? How long have you felt this way? What type of treatment are you undergoing? By the way I have suffered with different types of depression off and on all my life, so I can empathize. But for me the extenal is not good at all, when it is I do feel better--but not necessarily all the time or perfectly so, in other words I can feel bad inside even when the outside day seems to be going well. But I have an understanding usually why that is so.

[UniqueNewYork]

Thanks Cascada.

I'm seeing two therapists and am on Zoloft & Xanax.

In therapy since 2002. Symptoms since 1999?

I guess I'm not sure HOW it started. Maybe i taught myself the wrong reactions to things, like adversity? I guess I'm a perfectionist. I tend to have all or nothing thinking as well.

Again, thank you.

Hi Unique and welcome to PC!

I hope you find it to be a helpful place. I am so sorry for everything that you are going through right now.

I was just wondering, are you seeing a therapist? You mention being diagnosed, are you being treated with any medication?

Please don't feel you need to answer that, I don't mean to pry, just trying to get an idea of where you are with being helped.

It's good that you joined, you'll find a lot of helpful, knowledgeable people here that are good listeners and will share their stories of things that helped them get through rough spots.

Keep posting and take care.

Petunia

[EJ711]

Hi Unique NY,

Success creates stress. You are also getting ready to transition from college to the work world, which is a huge life step.

I'm glad you found PC.

I'm from New York originally.

EJ

Ooops, must've been typing my reply when you responded.

Maybe you need a medication adjustment?

Just throwing out a thought.

[UniqueNewYork]

Thank you for the advice and help!

I've been on Lexapro & Effectox. Lexapro made me sleep all day and Effectox made me feel like I was on speed.

Thanks.

[Cascada]

Unique, Exercise is considered the single best mood elevator there is. It helps me a lot, six days a week. Its good to do something aerobic, such as fast walking, biking or swimming. I have a book called UNDOING DEPRESSION, by Richard O'Connor, Ph.D Its the best thing I have read on depression. The author is a therapist yet one who has totally experienced depression himself. Its very interesting and offers concrete steps, such as cognitive suggestions and writing or journaling, to get better. I personally also find that it helps to be able to connect with what I'm feeling, like if I cry to know why I'm crying or what about. Sometimes when one is depressed its just crying as sort of an outlet but its not really connected at a deeper level. I hope you start to find some solutions to your problem, and I'm glad you are reaching out here.

[EJ711]

Uniique,

My friend sent me a wonderful devotional book for Christmas, which helps me everytime I pick it up to read. It is called, "Streams in the Desert". I think it might help you with the all or nothing thinking you mentioned.

Keep posting,

EJ

[bipolar_bear]

My only suggestion is to keep talking to your pdoc about how the meds are working and seeing your T's.

Welcome to PC!

[snowflake_48888]

Hi uniqueNY,
I was diagnosed with depression/GAD over 15 years ago. I too am on zoloft and xanax and had tried many other combination of meds over the years. The zoloft and xanax has worked the best for me so far. I have been in and out of therapy over this span of 15 yrs. They (Pdoc and therapists) have told me over the years I have had reasons to become this way..although I don't believe I do. It's very difficult to accept reasons why we are this way when we don't feel the way we should. It seems as humans we need a valid reason....but is there really a valid reason??? For me...no. So...is this a learned behaviour? I believe I have conditioned myself over the years to believe that I should feel a certain way based on what society tells me. I learned this over time. As one Pdoc told me....I didn't get this way over night (depression/anxiety) and it will take more than over night to change this behaviour. Are you in any cognitive behaviour therapy? Or read any books on CBT? If not...I would try that...if so...it takes time. Remember we have a lifetime of learning to do. Each day is a new day and adventure...one day at a time.
Snow