[Misanthropia]

For weeks i've been feeling like i'm living a numb existance, trapped in a gray oblivion. Like i'm watching my life on a staticy t.v. and I don't have a remote to control the things that happen. I'm drowning in negative emotions and internal conflict. I feel alone, empty, worthless and miserable. I used to be filled with energy and happiness but now i'm wallowing in misery. I've always felt doomed but it's getting worse. Sometimes I wonder why i'm here, there really isn't a point in my being here besides keeping my mom company. My grades SUCK, my friends only want to be around me if their plans for other people fall through, i'm non existant to the other gender and my future has no hope for success or happiness.

I just don't know why I keep feeling like this. Why everything about me is wrong. I hate complaining and whining about how pathetic I am. I really do, I rarely ever tell people about how I feel not even close friends. Everyone just gets annoyed because i'm so withdrawn and mopey. I don't know how to make this end other than alcohol and drugs but i'm only 18 I shouldn't be dependant on a bottle for temporary numbness.

This is getting a bit out of control. I mean look at me now, i'm complaining about how miserable I am to a bunch of people who don't know me and shouldn't have to deal with me. Sometimes I just wonder if I and everyone else would be better off without me. Hell, i'd be better off without ME.

[Christina86]

Oh boy, can I ever relate!

(((((((((Misanthropia))))))))))) welcome to PC.

Have you tried talking to your mom or a counsellor or someone? Sounds like you need someone to talk to ... I certainly did (and do) when I feel like that!

My grades suck too. It's not the end of the world, but darn it sucks. As for your friends, I've got a bunch like that too. Seems they only get in contact when they want something from me!

I for one, find it impossible to get a guy to like me. Seems I'm never "happy" enough for people. You'll find someone, it just takes a lot more time than we want at times.

As for future, right NOW you feel like you'll not succeed or be happy. Doesn't mean that won't change in the future, because that is possible. Heck, I'm 21 and I don't know what my future is going to hold. Being 18 means you've got your life ahead of you, don't write it off before it happens.

Have you tried telling your friends how you feel? Being withdrawn is bad, but maybe they'd be sympathetic or try to help if they knew how you really felt? You wouldn't be burdening them with your problems, just telling them the truth. Sometimes the truth isn't what people want to hear, but it's worth a shot.

I'm glad you're not going to make drugs or alcohol part of your coping mechanisms for dealing. Believe me, drinking ain't all it's cracked up to be ... my friends all jokingly call me a "pre-alcoholic" because I use booze to numb the pain. It actually doesn't work.

As for you complaining to all of us who don't know you, don't worry about it!! Seriously, this site wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that exact purpose. You are definetely worth the time to listen to you, and definetely worth my time to write out this long-*** note (sorry about that BTW, it's becoming a novel!)

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Sometimes I just wonder if I and everyone else would be better off without me. Hell, i'd be better off without ME.

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Nothing to say to that quotation, except to say I most definetely understand. It isn't true, but I understand because that's how I feel a lot of the time too.

Be good to yourself, hope you stick around and post whenever you want - we'd all love to be able to listen and help if we can.