[Yogurtz]

Since the accident in December (click the link to read about that) I have been having difficulties with depression and anxiety, and life, unrelated to the accident directly, has started to spiral downhill for me.

Before the accident I had been feeling like I work in a toxic environment: everyone blames someone else, everyone lies, management does nothing to manage the employees there so everyone does whatever they want, I have been threatened with a weapon and harassed by co-workers that management did nothing about, I work with some of the most irrational, immature, and disgusting people I’ve ever met, I have frequently felt used as a scapegoat when something has gone wrong, nobody ever says anything good about anyone there, etc. Whenever I am at work I am counting the minutes until I can leave, and I feel like a cat with its hair sticking up, that anyone around me could be a threat.

After the accident I was held in the acute trauma and sickness ward before returning home from the hospital. (For the record this was the third accident in 12 months that required hospitalization, the second that required an ambulance, and the first involving a motor vehicle.)

Less than a month after the accident and as I was still off recovering my mother lost her full-time job. Out of financial necessity to support us, and because doctors felt I was healed enough to work again, I was forced to return to work when I didn’t feel ready to.

The accident made me more aware of the risks associated with this kind of work (truck driving), and so I have decided to return to school in April to do something else, and that is stressful enough as it is. I worry if I will fail, if I am making the right choice, how I will afford it all, etc.

About two months ago I found out that the company was cutting out about 50% of my work, in a way being semi laid-off, which reduces my income to about 50% of what it was before.

Mom recently came down with a case of pneumonia too

Now I am a 20-something year old prospective student that around 3 months ago experienced an almost fatal workplace accident and is now semi-laid off from that job while supporting a 56-year-old parent with pneumonia.

Fact – I feel extremely anxious, stressed, and depressed

Surprisingly what makes me feel the most depressed is the lack of positive support in my life. The place I work at feels like it sucks the life force out of me (and almost sucked the life out of me), where nobody says I do well or anything positive about the work I do, and then I come home to a sick and emotionally absent mother. My Girlfriend tries to be supportive, but due to the nature of our relationship, she can’t really be here with me as much as I wish she was

I just don’t know where to turn to for emotional support

[CANDC]

Yogurtz, sorry to hear you have been through some very traumatic situations. It must have been difficult when other people were not supportive, and could have been obstructive. People here at Psych Central are very compassionate and understanding.

Unfortunately other people in the world are not always compassionate human beings and do not always hold our best interests at heart. If you could find a compassionate therapist that specializes in your areas of challenge, then that might be a bridge to a stable life. You also may need help caring for your mom.

If you are on meds, keep in touch with your psychiatrist if your moods alter, especially if they change the meds.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[avlady]

i'm sorry for your situation, and that you feel like ascapegoat, i know how it feels. i will pray you can go to school and pass, i think it would be a good thing to do. its less dangerous and you might find alot of other things and subjects you're interested in.i hope again everything turns out ok.

[Yogurtz]

What I would really like right now is to hear someone say something positive about me, Y'know? . Much of my life it seems is taken up by listening to other people telling me what I did was bad or wrong, who I am is wrong or bad, to do more than what I am already doing, or that they have done better or more than I have .

Makes me feel like I exist as failure of all things in life. It would be great if someone, especially someone I am close to, albeit there aren't many I am close to because most can't accept who I am, that could hug me or reassure me that there is something positive about who I am and what I can do .

[Nammu]

Seems to me like any 20 something who is working and supporting their mom is a good person. Getting your hours cut wasn't your fault and neither was your mom's layoff or her sickness.

[artichack]

Originally Posted by Yogurtz

What I would really like right now is to hear someone say something positive about me, Y'know? . Much of my life it seems is taken up by listening to other people telling me what I did was bad or wrong, who I am is wrong or bad, to do more than what I am already doing, or that they have done better or more than I have .

Makes me feel like I exist as failure of all things in life. It would be great if someone, especially someone I am close to, albeit there aren't many I am close to because most can't accept who I am, that could hug me or reassure me that there is something positive about who I am and what I can do .

Can only say that being young as you are...in this line of work....people aren't going to cut you much slack......I've been in your field since I was born....family owned construction.....to take it to a short compact feed....I was in a similar accident....rolled a company semi-end dump...not good...unside down...almost the closest to death Ive come....same day exact day ...............my dad had a major heart attack.......................nobody ..................took pity on me................Im not trying to be a hard ***....but ...........don't do like I did....party...drinking.....totally ignoring the crap that was in front of me............................landed me in the hospital.............worst time of my life...............keep up...........that was 30 years ago for me...now......I DO get respect from my co workers....atta boys.......still not many....from upper management.....best of luck to you........trust me......Ive seen everything you have...and much more....strive to be better.....and know that even if you don't get the approval you are seeking.....that in your heart you are doing the best you can...and you are the best at what you do!

your kind personality shines through on that post; you have gone through something awful and you need and deserve help.

is there any way you could see a therapist to process the trauma?

[waterknob1234]

Hi Yogurtz. It sounds like you have had a lot to cope with. Some of your story sounds similar to mine. I had a gallbladder surgery in June 2013 that did not go as expected. There were complications. I had to return to work before I was healed due to financial necessity. People can be ugly and negative where I work as well.

I think you are handling a lot for a person your age. Having a near fatal accident, financially supporting a sick parent, etc. I know this is all so hard and then having your hours and pay cut back.

Perhaps this is a good time to return to school. You will have the extra time to study. Also, I wonder if you could qualify for partial unemployment in your situation? Also, finding a therapist would be helpful if you can afford it.

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.