[Purpleplaces]

I literally wake up in the mornings and my default state is sad. I hate it. I feel like I will never be able to have a steady job because of my issues.
I have dealt with depression my whole life. And was misdiagnosed at 19 for bipolar. I acquired PTSD in my teens because I was a runaway and was being beaten to shreds by my ex boyfriend while I was pregnant. Starting from 21 years of age, I was a meth addict for 3 straight years and I was what you could call a functioning addict. No one knew that I was spun out all day and all night because I hid it well.
I decided to get clean, by myself. My family has no Idea I'm a recovering meth addict and I never went to any rehab facility. I should go to NA meetings, but anything is a trigger for me and I hear that as ridiculous as it is, there's a lot of drugs at NA meetings.
I am 25 now and as a result, I now have SEVERE anxiety, PTSD, depression and I guess you could say That misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder is no longer a misdiagnosis. I refuse to take medication because it's just simply not something I agree with.
I think my family thinks something is wrong with me because they have no idea why I act strangely and have so many social issues now and I'm no longer confident like I was.
I am slowly but surely overcoming my addiction, but that's not to say I have a grasp on my "sadness".
I started this account to maybe talk to others who are going through life without prescription meds, but it seems like meds are the main discussions I've been finding.
I don't know why I am writing this publicly. Me doing so makes me feel as if I'm thirsty for attention or looking for replies. I'm not. I guess I just needed to vent and this seemed like the right place. Some days are worse than others.

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[kaliope]

hi purpleplaces
congrats on getting clean and i wish you much success. i think you are right that there are many who are on meds here. it is more often than not, but i do see many posts of people trying to get off their meds.

i for one am on meds after being against them for most of my life. i tried so many avenues to address my bipolar /ptsd and manage life without them. finally i had a massive breakdown and was admitted to the hospital against my will when i tried getting help. i knew it was take meds or die. the incredible difference in my life since being on meds has convinced me that i would rather live my life with them than without them, i still dont like them, but i dont want to go back to the hell i was lving.

good luck to you.

[Ruftin]

(((Purpleplaces))) I too tried to deal with my disorder without meds and almost lost my life twice while trying. I'm another who has to take meds whether I like it or not. I have read that mental illness is easier to treat if diagnosed early in life. I'm not sure if this is true. I would surely do life without medication if given the option. I'm glad you posted. It helps to get it out.

[Purpleplaces]

Omg thanks you guys for replying to me. It actually means a lot more than I thought it would. Thank you. Lately I've been waking up sadder and sadder.
I'm not totally against meds or anything, I guess I'm just personally scared of the idea. I was put on lithium when I was 19-20 and I found out I was allergic to it. Cymbalta also and as it did make me feel better, I HATED the fact I had to keep upping the dosage for it to continue working. I feel like if I were to take anything I'd need to address my anxiety. I feel like my anxiety is the root of all evil lately. Anyways, I'm probably just talking too much now. Thank you guys so much for your kind words.

[Purpleplaces]

Oh also, Ruftin, thank heavens you did not lose your life. I hope all is well now and I'm glad you now have a grasp on it all.

[Fuzzybear]

[Purpleplaces]

Kaliope, if you don't mind me asking... Do you take a few different meds or are there meds to address both things at once? I'm glad that they have made an incredible difference in your life. If you miss a dose do you automatically start getting withdrawal symptoms? That is a big issue for me that freaks me out :/

I suffered 9 months before I finally was diagnosed and the pdoc put me on meds right away. This was a month back. I did not hesitate for even a second on should I take the meds or shouldn't. My life was miserable and I was open to any treatment. Some MI issues are not just a disturbance in feelings or thoughts. They are real medical conditions in which they cause chemical imbalance in brain. Therefore, no matter how hard you try to escape from depression let's say, you won't be able to without the aid of meds. They play an essential role. That's my opinion based on what I read and was told by a few pdocs.
It's been a month now and I could feel an improvement.


DX: Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Attacks & Anxiety
MX: Pristiq 50mg - Wellbutrin XL 150mg

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[vital]

Originally Posted by Purpleplaces

Omg thanks you guys for replying to me. It actually means a lot more than I thought it would. Thank you. Lately I've been waking up sadder and sadder.
I'm not totally against meds or anything, I guess I'm just personally scared of the idea. I was put on lithium when I was 19-20 and I found out I was allergic to it. Cymbalta also and as it did make me feel better, I HATED the fact I had to keep upping the dosage for it to continue working. I feel like if I were to take anything I'd need to address my anxiety. I feel like my anxiety is the root of all evil lately. Anyways, I'm probably just talking too much now. Thank you guys so much for your kind words.

Hi Purpleplaces,

I think that there are very good reasons to be very cautious about psych meds. Besides, there are lots of easy healthy things to try for depression. Why not try these first? Here's my best advice:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[Butternut]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi Purpleplaces,

I think that there are very good reasons to be very cautious about psych meds. Besides, there are lots of easy healthy things to try for depression. Why not try these first? Here's my best advice:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

I couldn't agree more with this!

Alot of people forget that Doctors are >>>>MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS.<<<< They practice medicine... ON HUMANS! Its the totally accepted thing, because thats what you do when you get sick, hurt, sad, etc.. You go to a Dr. A Dr.'s Job is to match your symptons up with a drug. Its their job! Thats it! You may find some that try a little different, but its far in between.

You seem like a young girl with so much more to your life. Pick up some women fitness magizine, read some real stories online of making healthier choices. Tosca Reno got out of her funk in her FORTIES! And now she is a beautiful woman with awesome energy.

You are so worth every breath you take, espicially with coming to realize you want something better for your life.

[Butternut]

Also it just shows how strong of a mind you already have to get out of what you knew wasn't right for you. There isn't alot of people who can do that, you should give yourself a pat on the back for that.

^^^^^^ this. i don't know if you ever allowed yourself to feel proud for doing that, but you should. it takes true courage.

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by Purpleplaces

Kaliope, if you don't mind me asking... Do you take a few different meds or are there meds to address both things at once? I'm glad that they have made an incredible difference in your life. If you miss a dose do you automatically start getting withdrawal symptoms? That is a big issue for me that freaks me out :/

i take a mood stabilizer which addresses the bipolar and helps the ptsd. i take an antipsychotic which helps for both but it just boosts the mood stabilizer. i am actually weaning off of that. im only going to take it if there are signs of mania. i take buspar for my anxiety and wellbutrin for depression. that one is kind of voluntary. people say i do better on it so that is the only reason i take it. i dont consider it a big deal at all if i miss a dose. it has never been a problem for me. no withdrawals from that. i dont even bother taking it when i think about it. i just take it my next dose time. i only went thru with drawals once trying to get off klonopin cold turkey. that was after several days of not taking it after taking it daily for a year, i took it again and then titrated down for two months. it wasnt pleasant. that is why i take buspar. it isnt addicting. if yoiu want to talk more, feel free to pm me.

[Purpleplaces]

Thank you so much for your kind words, everyone. I didn't expect this or to even be heard. It means so much more than I can express and I'm kind of speechless and the welcoming and understanding from you guys

[Purpleplaces]

Btw it def took a lot out of me to write this post so I'm still recovering from it = speechless

We are all here to support each other. I am glad that we could make you feel better.

DX: Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Attacks & Anxiety
MX: Pristiq 50mg - Wellbutrin XL 150mg

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