[LelouchLamperouge]

I guess one of the really big problems I have is with self loathing. I've had self loathing issues since childhood that I typically deal with on a daily basis, some days better or worse than others. I would just dislike/hate myself so much and feel so undeserving of anything and everything and even feel undeserving to live. I would say it has been a lot worse for the past couple of years. Recently, I haven't been really eating at all for the past week or two and I feel like it probably has to do with that. I did start on Wellbutrin a month ago and don't get me wrong, it is helping me. For the most part, I haven't been reacting so out of proportion as I normally do or take my thoughts to such extremes. It helps me in being able to function and get things done. However, it still doesn't change my general outlook on things including myself.

I always see and hear from other people and places that it all begins with me and I have got to need to change myself. Thinking from a rational perspective, I can and do understand that. But I have no idea how to change or where to begin. I've been like this since childhood so it has been what? Practically for my whole life. How do I even begin to start? And a little part of me thinks to myself, "What if it just ends up being all for naught?" I don't know how to feel personally better about myself or how to self love. I read all of these articles, resources, and experiences from other people but it just doesn't "click" at all for me. It seems like an unattainable goal.

[color14u]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

I guess one of the really big problems I have is with self loathing. I've had self loathing issues since childhood that I typically deal with on a daily basis, some days better or worse than others. I would just dislike/hate myself so much and feel so undeserving of anything and everything and even feel undeserving to live. I would say it has been a lot worse for the past couple of years. Recently, I haven't been really eating at all for the past week or two and I feel like it probably has to do with that. I did start on Wellbutrin a month ago and don't get me wrong, it is helping me. For the most part, I haven't been reacting so out of proportion as I normally do or take my thoughts to such extremes. It helps me in being able to function and get things done. However, it still doesn't change my general outlook on things including myself.

I always see and hear from other people and places that it all begins with me and I have got to need to change myself. Thinking from a rational perspective, I can and do understand that. But I have no idea how to change or where to begin. I've been like this since childhood so it has been what? Practically for my whole life. How do I even begin to start? And a little part of me thinks to myself, "What if it just ends up being all for naught?" I don't know how to feel personally better about myself or how to self love. I read all of these articles, resources, and experiences from other people but it just doesn't "click" at all for me. It seems like an unattainable goal.

In any situation knowing you have a problem that needs addressed is half the battle. In order to help with a plan you need to understand and be able to share what is wrong. From above I see where you have an issue with hating yourself, but why?? You don't have to answer these question or address you issues here, although you are more than welcome to anytime. We probably don't have the exact answers you are looking for, but we may be able to point you in a direction based on experience. Hope is helps somehow. T

[basicgoodness]

I can totally relate to what you are going through. Lack of self-love has been a problem for me my entire life. I thought it would get better with age, but it hasn't. I would never judge anyone as harshly as I judge myself. All I can really do is constantly remind myself to be gentle and patient with myself and that thoughts are just thoughts, not reality.

[LelouchLamperouge]

Thanks guys, I really do appreciate your thoughts and help. I don't know the answers to those questions on a deeper level color14u. It is something I have to work on and figure out and might be something my T can help me with. I think it is something that I really need to dig deep into my subconsciousness for...

I know what you mean basicgoodness. I literally put and prioritize everything and everyone over myself. I always put myself down at the bottom of the list.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Sirensong18]

I feel for you LelouchLamperouge, loving ones self is a difficult thing for me too.

I try to tell myself often that I am beautiful, worthy of being loved, etc, or to praise myself for what I've done (yay, you got all the dishes done, or yay you got a good performance review at work)... but it's like I just can't believe myself. No matter how many times hubby tells me I'm beautiful I just can't seem to feel it for myself.

I make a conscious effort to not talk down to myself (telling myself I'm stupid, fat, unworthy, etc.) But it still feels like I'm lying to myself when I try to positive talk myself up... so it's a hard place to be.

The one thing that does help is evaluating motivations when I am tempted to not believe a compliment someone gives me. Like, what reason would my husband have to lie to be when he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful? If he didn't like me, and how I look, he wouldn't have married me. So I try to just accept that HE thinks I'm beautiful, and believe that, even if I don't feel beautiful myself. (if that makes sense...)

[newday2020]

Did you recieve alot of criticism as a child? Or CEN (child emotional neglect)?

[LelouchLamperouge]

Originally Posted by susanemily

Did you recieve alot of criticism as a child? Or CEN (child emotional neglect)?

I suppose so (yes I did).

the first step is to recognise self loathing thoughts as soon as they come into your head, step away from them, look at them objectively and rationally and see how you could change them to make them more positive. no good comes out of self loathing... it's far more worthwhile to focus on trying to love yourself bit by bit.

[LelouchLamperouge]

Originally Posted by Annaflower

the first step is to recognise self loathing thoughts as soon as they come into your head, step away from them, look at them objectively and rationally and see how you could change them to make them more positive. no good comes out of self loathing... it's far more worthwhile to focus on trying to love yourself bit by bit.

Thanks Anna. That sounds like really great advice. I will try to make an effort to work on this...or at least I hope so, hoping that my depression doesn't take over lol. The hard part for me I think is trying to see how I can change them to make them "positive".