The problem's a long one...

Well... My mom is going to go see my grandma on Monday and that means I'll be left home alone. All day long. I'm afraid that I will become... Well, I don't know. I don't have a good feeling about this. What if something happens? Or I end up doing something and no one will know?

I've been going through a rough patch. I have been feeling pretty discouraged due to important events happening in school. And I am no longer able to take part in it. I knew that if I made the decision to take my HiSET, I would be unable to do the sports and competition for choir probably ever again.

Now that everything that I love is starting, I just don't think I can handle it. Due to me jealous of siblings, I tend to "blow up" for no particular reason... To them, that is. I keep telling my parents that I think that I really need to be doing SOMETHING. I don't care what it is, as long as it's physical and competitive. And now that I will be left at home, alone, with no way of getting out because of me not having a drivers license (or a vehicle), I don't what know what I'm going to do.

Here comes the complicated stuff... I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression (among other things). I was put on meds and when we ran out (last summer), my parents refused to refill the prescription. My mom has depression and takes meds, so I don't understand why they refuse to give me the medication I need in order to function.

With that said, I haven't been doing well for about 9 months now. And I am going to be left alone in this state. I don't know what I'm going to do...

Well, there's a certain trick that you can do. You can allow your mind to not focus on anxiety or depression by simply not reminding it of them. You are the one in command of your brain, don't let it take over you. The brain is so powerful and so flexible that you can stretch it as much as you want or alter an idea you have with a new one, while not being overwhelmed by the process, and a little bit of practice won't harm. And, is it possible at all that you can go with your mom? Or is the trip unaffordable for two? If you can go, please go.

If I misunderstood something or missed something, let me know!

I asked if I could go and she refused because she thought I'd be bored. Her other point was that I have my job, so I shouldn't go. Ugh... I could do with a break anyways. I will see if I can try to convince her.

if you don't feel safe, please don't stay home by yourself. could you go to your friends house? convince her to go with her? just don't stay by yourself if you don't feel safe, trust me.