So sad and angry all the time

Do you ever feel so angry or sad because of everyone? And then it makes you even more angry and sad because you wonder why you feel that way? Nice house, good job, husband (who really is an okay guy even though I want to strangle him every other day), two beautiful, perfect, good-hearted children (who I lose patience with so quickly after a day of working with elementary kids), finances are in great shape, etc.

I have lost my happy. It seems like all of my smiles and laughs are fake. I cried rocking my 2 year old tonight because I was so sick of singing to kids all day long and I didn't want to sing to my own daughter, but I did anyway, cried through it because I felt guilty for feeling this way.

I have plenty of family and friends, but none that I feel comfortable showing weakness and asking for help. It gets worse during a particular time of month. Has anyone experienced a hormonal imbalance that maybe made them feel this way? I want there to be a medical reason I feel like this because I shouldn't be feeling like this with the life I have. I even feel guilty complaining about it here because there are people here with real concerns/issues stemming from crisis, abuse, trauma, etc.

Overall, whatever rut I'm in, it hurts because I am missing out on my most important relationships. Feeling empty and lost. Would love to hear how you get your happy back!

Hi anielica

You have a right to your feelings and since you posted in the depression forum I am assuming that you battle with low moods that are distressing. I don't know your age but it seems that women struggle with hormonal imbalances most of their lives. Lucky us. I am in menopause and I even have periods of hormonal fluctuations. You are most probably dealing with depression shifts and hormonal shifts so there is a medical reason for your issues. As far as the job, is there anyway you could consider a career change if you are finding it mundane and it is causing you to feel guilty?

We all are entitled to our feelings and emotions no matter what circumstances that we are in. I try to keep my spiritual being in check all the time. I am not always successful but I try to be grateful for everything that I have. I also just got a little companion (in dog form) and it has helped me get my troubles off of myself. I also read books on being in the here and now. A book that helps me is (Wherever You Go There You Are) by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It is about mindfulness. It is about not letting our thoughts go into the past nor the future. All we have is now. I also try to be around people who I can be myself around. I think that is the key. It is a lonely feeling when we hide our weaknesses from others. I know that I can't always be strong. I think others are endeared when they see true emotion and feelings. Sometimes I can't hide my feelings no matter how hard I try. I was telling my Pastor that I shared his loss, and tears just started flowing. It was good for him and me. I think we need to feel and be accepted for our feelings. You are worthy to be cherished. You are worthy to be happy. Do whatever makes you happy. Life is so short and it is never too late to start something new or even start our life new. I wish you solace and only the very best. I hope this helped in some small way.

Thank you for sharing this and for your honesty. Maybe what I am going to say is too stupid and you should not be listening to me, but... I am going to say it, anyway.
Please, don't be so hard on yourself. I bet in addition to those moments you have no patience you have plenty of moments when you are a good mom/wife/whatever
And, feelings are feelings. Period. They are beyond correctness. We do not manage them, at least not totally. We can maybe change ideas attached to emotions, but this is a lot of work and it takes a lot of time. To me feelings are indicators, like fever. They conduct us to something else. These "something else" is beyond correctness, as well. It is, I mean, it exists. Do we have a mental health condition? Is this just temporary or a more stable feature? Is this something that has a biological component? Is this a product of stress?
Maybe a mental health professional could help to find some responses and ways to recover your wellness.
But, I would like you to feel you have every right to feel sad, or angry, or anything.
I am not saying you have the right to mistreat people because of your feelings, but that you are entitled to your feelings, whatever they are.
Ok, sorry for my English

I relate to so much of what you say, except I don't have children. Maybe that's an excuse but the rest of my life is ideal. Feelings happen, they're not good or bad (though often painful)! I hope that you can share here and find support.

Oh yes, that strikes a chord: "How could I not want to [sing to, read to, play with, etc] this fantastic kid? Other parents aren't like this. What's wrong with me?!" (Completely ignoring the thousand times you read to them when you were exhausted, sick, basically a zombie.)

For me, the next thought goes something like "that's ridiculous. Every parent feels this way sometimes. The only difference is how often. Stop beating yourself up, move on already." After a minute of trying (and failing) to slap some sense into myself, the Voice Of Reason gets exasperated: "Oh for crying out loud. You *know* what's going on and still can't stop it. How weak, pathetic, etc." Lather, rinse, repeat.

And I'm a dad. From what I've read moms tend to be much harder on themselves. It certainly was true of my wife. I often had to work late. I'd roll in at 8:00 or 9:00p to find her on the verge of exploding. I'd say things like "aw hon, you're beating yourself up for not being perfect, you're way more patient than I am," etc. She must've felt the urge to blurt out "thanks, Captain Obvious!" but she never did.

Sorry for babbling. Here's the bottom line in my opinion:

Thank you all...it means a lot to me that you took the time to respond so very thoughtfully. I wish I could say it comes and goes, but unfortunately, these feelings aren't going away. It's to the point where I simply cannot be in the same room with my husband anymore because he is constantly saying/doing something that just makes me want to scream.

Sideblinded: As far as keeping my spiritual being in check, God knows (literally) that I'm trying so hard to do this. It was a decent day today and up until the end of night I thought today was an upswing day. And here I am, late at night, not sleeping. I will check out the book you mentioned though.

unhappydaze: Thank you for the kind words...sounds like you can definitely relate. It's hard being a perfectionist and a parent because I do always compare myself to those "ideal" parents (of course, we both know that there is no such thing...just people who hide their insecurities better! lol)

I am looking for other career paths, but the great thing about my current situation is the amount of time I get to be home with my children. The new job has to be comparable to that amount of time I get at home. Until then, power through. So many thoughts, but can't get them all down in a logical order. I think my biggest hang up by far right now is my relationship with my husband and the sad thing is I can't fix it. When I try, he does/says something that makes me want to throw my hands up in the air and say screw it...why should I be the one to change?

Don't even know where to start...

Thinking of you as you hang on in there Anielica.

Hi anielica,
If these feelings aren't going away maybe you should talk to your doctor. There could be a few different reasons and hopefully he/she can help figure out what it is and get you treatment if needed to get you feeling back to 'happy'.

Just wanted to share that today was a good day. Who knows what kind of place I'll be in tomorrow, but I'll take what I can get when I can get it. Hope you all had a good day too!