Just want to say hello

Hi, all

I struggle with depression and anxiety, and have for my whole life. Over the last few months, it has taken a particular downturn, and while I have an excellent therapist and pyschiatrist, I'm still fighting hard every day and heavy in the thick of it. This is my first post. I suppose I'm here because I'm hoping to chat with some people who understand how I've been feeling first hand...to get some reassurance not necessarily that it will get better, but just that others have been there. I feel so sick these days, and trying to explain it to people without depression is exhausting. I don't mean to sound like I don't value the love and support I count myself so lucky to have - I absolutely do. But having people tell you to just keep fighting, and that things like going to work are things I just need to suck up and do...it just gets tedious.

Over the last few days especially I've been feeling like a ghost of myself. Ordinarily, I feel myself in there fighting on at least some level, and right now that person just feels gone. I feel blurry, and weighted down. I've spent the last few months hurting constantly and it feels like over the last few days it all just gave up and now it's just hollow. I want to want to fight, but right now I'm just so tired. Does this make me weak?

Anyway. I just wanted to say hello, and see if anyone else might relate. I hope you're all doing okay today, really.

I have been where you are and I know what agony you are going through. I too have suffered from depression on and off my whole life, with acute periods triggered by some life event or other. You are not weak; you have an illness. I am glad you are getting treatment and I hope you experience some relief soon.

Hi upinfolk you are among friends. I remember considering suicide back in the day and have developed anxiety over the past year. So while I haven't had both at the same time I know how you feel. Sounds like you're in the numb stage to me, I used to get frustrated when people said it's not that bad or worse get over it. I won't be making the promise but I will say some people do make it out of that viscous cycle.

What you said shows you are strong! You handled all that and you're still here and not given up yet. Depression is exhausting and sometimes an hour takes huge courage to live through. Use any support you can get including anonymous help lines. You're as precious as anyone else you care about. Sending peaceful and restful vibes your way with all my might.

Depression IS an illness. Treat yourself as you would any friend who is suffering from an illness with tenderness and compassion. I've had 7-years of unrelenting severe depression and many days I wonder just how much one person can take. I too am a fighter but it has taken a toll. Today, I practice acceptance and congratulate myself for whatever small accomplishments I make. It's hard to "keep the faith" that I may one day feel better but, that's all I have to hold onto....hope. You're not alone in this journey...luckily, most people will never understand how devastating depression can be, I've given up trying to explain it to others.

I know when I try to explain how I feel to people they somehow end up telling me what I want, as if they know how my life should go. And then I go into a cycle of comparing myself to others and evaluating my desires and nothing makes sense from there on out.

You have found the "no outlet" street with us