[Born2Fly71]

Spring and summer. I don’t know why, but I really tend to dread this time of year. My major depression seems to be much worse when the weather is nice. I don't feel it as much in the fall and winter, but the most beautiful time of the year; spring and summer, I feel awful. I guess it is because I fear really going out and living because I am afraid I will see someone from my past as she goes about enjoying her life after trying to kill herself in my bed in 2012. Something that gave me absolutely no closure and haunts me every day of my existence. In the winter, when it is dark and cold, my fears and depression tend to let up a bit. I wish I could be outgoing and fearless, so that I could actually enjoy being out in the beautiful weather without fear and pain. Does anyone else feel that way when the weather is nice?

Like the song goes.. "I'm only happy when it rains"

I have for the past number of years. For me I have depression a lot more in the Spring & Summer than I do at other times. It's because, over the years, bad things have happened during the Spring & Summer. So if there's nothing wrong, it seems like the season can bring a trigger.

This year is no exception. In fact, as of right now, it has been the worst. I had surgery and complication following the surgery, which I had in April. In March, I had decided on the surgery, but was reluctant to do so. And now I have regretted having the surgery. Though I am getting better, it's been a real ordeal and still is. There are some issues going on right now that I'm having to deal with that's bringing anxiety.

And then when it gets warm, the windows have to open up and I can hear all kinds of noises. Especially lately, we had new neighbors that moved in who are real screamers. I miss the other season when it gets cool and dark earlier; so that I can close the windows and have a nice cozy candlelight going.

All I can say is just hang in there and September will be here before you know it. Then there can be a long season where it gets better.

[Born2Fly71]

The ordeal with my ex occurred in March 2012, my ordeal in Bosnia was in April of 1992. The spring always brought the bad stuff. Grrr!

[with or without you]

I really identify with you on this. I think I get down in spring/summer because it seems like everyone is out doing things, having a lot of fun and I am not. I don't like hot weather or lengthy time spent out in the sun. I remember lying in bed totally depressed 3 summers ago and I heard an ice cream truck go by that played "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. " LOL. People seem to go into hibernation when it gets cold, so the outside world doesn't feel so overwhelming to me. Another reason could be that I lost several close family members in summer months, including my father, and stuff unconsciously starts bubbling up to the surface. I don't know. I wish I had a better answer. Come on, October.

God, that post was a total Debbie Downer.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Frankbtl]

Hi BornToFly, you've clearly been through some very traumatic experiences
So it's completely understandable how things must be real tough for you right now
Bosnia........I'm assuming that was the war over there, right?? So are there any vets groups you could join where you are (if you're not already a member)?? Sometimes talking about things with people who have "been there" can help a little with working towards closure...........or as near to closure as possible.
And your ex..........do you think it might actually help to talk to her about what happened??? Or maybe if she has moved on, and seeing her moving on, might help you move on just a little too??? I don't know.........obviously you want to avoid fresh triggers..........so that's just a thought.
Otherwise maybe that closure is something you could work towards with a T??
And you know, if you need/want to talk to us..........we're here for you.

Alison