Son skipped his first appointment

We got my son scheduled to see a counselor today and at the last minute, he blew it off? He asked his mom, "what's the point?" I really think he needs someone to talk to and that antidepressants are only a part of it.

Is skipping out on appointments typical? Do we back off in trying to convince him?

No one ever made an appointment for me, so I don't know what I would've done, but I do recall having a couple of false starts of my own when I started therapy. Even to this day I've canceled appointments when I've felt too awful or "unable" to get to my therapist.

How long has he been on meds? I was resistant to go onto medication initially, but in hindsight wish I had decades ago. For what it's worth, I admire him at least getting that far. That's far more courageous than I was in the beginning.

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. He wanted the appointment but after my suggesting it so it wasnt a surprise but it wasnt exactly his idea either. He did go on meds which is good but he has a propensity to forget to take them and he has some bad habits (sleep, some drinking- he's 22) that probably inhibits the effectiveness of the meds. He's a good kid but I told him tonight that I wouldn't schedule any more appointments for him, but that the opportunity is always there if he wants to take advantage of it. Thanks again for taking the time to respond!

I think that it is good that you brought it up and have given him the opportunity to pursue treatment. Given his age, I think it may be best to let him take it from here and decide to either go to therapy or not. This is my opinion but I have noticed that many people have better experiences (and possibly results) in therapy when they feel like they are in control and have a hand in getting better. After all, once he gets to the appt. its just him and the T from there. I think the best thing you could do for him right now would be to continue to show your support, hope and encouragement. You seem like a good parent.

I think u handled it well. I'd be sure to make it as easy as possible for him to make an appointment himself. Maybe a little sneaky like leave T's phone number some place readily accessible perhaps obvious! Then let him do it himself. He'll feel more committed. A little surprised tho that Doc ordering meds didn't make it a condition for continuing meds.

Hi Friend

Skipping an appointment is normal. he is just anxious. he can't come to terms about talking his issues to a stranger. just don't make him feel bad that he skipped it. tell him you understand it and encourage him. tell him when he makes up his mind, you'll be glad to fix an appointment and also happy to accompany him on his first visit.

just imagine him being a little kid afraid to go to a kindergarten on his first day.

That's a good idea. When you've never been in counseling before, the first appointment is terrifying. He probably feels like nothing is ever going to help and that it's a waste of time going to talk to someone because no one can ever understand what he's going through. I think most of us have felt that way. And I don't know how or why it works, but it just does. It actually worked better than meds for me at the beginning.

Thanks GottaGetbetter, dontevenknow, cavaliers and Wa(o)rrior-

I appreciate the thoughts and suggestions. I caught myself for a while trying to steer him a bit and realized that if I did that, there would be an artificial quality to his actions. I think I can imagine him even getting resentful someday if I did. Offering him the opportunity for him to get help when he wanted seemed a good option. He knows I care and will make it available (insurance and copays) but he needs to make the call.

Cavaliers, I am a bit surprised the doc didn't make prescriptions conditional on therapy though he did stress it. Maybe he felt it was a good start but I would think it hard to regulate a proper dosage that way.

All in all he is anxious. I suppose he might feel that his feelings are specific only to himself. He is showing up to work so far (a problem of late) and I think that is helping his outlook a bit.

Thanks to all of you for the advice and encouragement. It is very kind of you and I very much appreciate it. There are a lot of good people here.

Dear friend

I might also suggest that when you visit this forum, subscribe to few threads which matches your son's profile and when he is free sit along with him to discuss about it or better if you both read the issues together and discuss it. it will make him realize that he is not the only who has these issues. it will also make him realize how far his dad is willing to go to ease the suffering.

one more thing and this is for you my friend. dealing with depressed people can be tiring and exhausting. so please take care of yourself. make sure you get enough rest and just be happy. according to me a parent is the best therapist for a child.

Thanks very much friend, I will take that advice!