[anothercliché]

I have struggled a long time with a wide variety of negative feelings, and recently I've been rather confused by my psyche and my motivation. I am currently employed full time at a toll booth, not particularly tough or engaging work in most respects yet I'm quite happy and content while at work. I go in with a smile and while I leave tired I leave satisfied. When I get home I suddenly lose all energy to do anything. Video games have become a frustrating affair of self loathing as I constantly struggle and fail at challenges I would be capable of doing with my level of effort, I cannot write at all and will literally stare at a blank page of nothing for a few minutes before turning on youtube or going back to the games which I have grown to hate, and I get bored of reading too quickly to actually READ anything. I am angry, bitter, hollow, and just feel so worthless when I'm not at work, yet I'm not motivated to do anything productive either. It's just a cycle of lacking the motivation to be motivated, which in turn makes me unmotivated to be motivated. I do not know how to handle this and while I hate to waste your time I do want to know if anyone else has felt this or has any suggestions. Thank you.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hello!!

You don't need to worry, you're not wasting our time, if so, then the same should be said about the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of other posts!!

Depression makes you feel numb and unable to do the most simple daily task, because you're so drained and sad, and just hopeless, but you're also overthinking a problem, or problems, or just overthinking your entire life in general, and your depression will call you stupid, careless and helpless, but you're really not!! I used to read books, draw, play different games from different genres, and now I just don't do it because I feel hopeless and just useless, not to mention completely numb and lazy, and I haven't left home to do for ages, something as simple as going to the cinema is painful to do, so I really understand your frustration

Are you seeing a therapist though?

[Cat_Lover_58]

I know just how you feel with the lack of energy after working all day. I work a part-time job but am really tired (trouble with right leg especially) by the time I get home. I have only worked this new job about 6 weeks and feel unwelcome by some of the girls. I'm seriously considering going to my former boss, who loved me, and seeing about getting back in. At least I felt like I knew what I was doing...

I think my depression/bipolar tells me things that aren't really true. I am not lazy-I'm wiped out when I get home. I am not stupid-I juggle many tasks at work. I am not unmotivated-not at this former job...i was counted on by the boss and was well liked so that is why I'm considering going back.

I'm rambling now...hope this helps a little. Try and be gentle with yourself. I am super hard on myself and don't even know why?

[CrimsonTide]

I have been struggling similarly with my motivation. My work is not keeping me occupied enough for me to stay out of my own head. I've been having anxiety attacks more often and yesterday for the second time I had to leave because I couldn't control it. Of course that makes me more depressed and starts the whole cycle again. Its like walking in mud and breathing underwater.

[vital]

Originally Posted by anothercliché

I have struggled a long time with a wide variety of negative feelings, and recently I've been rather confused by my psyche and my motivation. I am currently employed full time at a toll booth, not particularly tough or engaging work in most respects yet I'm quite happy and content while at work. I go in with a smile and while I leave tired I leave satisfied. When I get home I suddenly lose all energy to do anything. Video games have become a frustrating affair of self loathing as I constantly struggle and fail at challenges I would be capable of doing with my level of effort, I cannot write at all and will literally stare at a blank page of nothing for a few minutes before turning on youtube or going back to the games which I have grown to hate, and I get bored of reading too quickly to actually READ anything. I am angry, bitter, hollow, and just feel so worthless when I'm not at work, yet I'm not motivated to do anything productive either. It's just a cycle of lacking the motivation to be motivated, which in turn makes me unmotivated to be motivated. I do not know how to handle this and while I hate to waste your time I do want to know if anyone else has felt this or has any suggestions. Thank you.

Hi cliche',

I kind of like the sound of your job, actually. For suggestions, you might want to look at these notes and see if that's happening to you:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital