What is wrong with me and being so needy?

So I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd and I am on medication on it but it works on and off even with consistency. I'm not sure why my medication don't work all the time, but I'm starting to think maybe it's because I am in the same situation over and over. It starts out I find a new guy around my area, and I get too attached with the thought of him sometimes I don't even meet these people in person and I get so emotionally attached and they wind up ignoring me or rejecting me after awhile, because me throwing myself at them sexually doesn't work after awhile. I can't help it I do it over and over because I just want someone to love me and care for me and start a family with, but it can't happen I'm not sure sometimes I think I'm gonna end up alone because I am ugly and unlovable, and people tell me it's not true my friends and family I mean but it's just so many people prove me right. I am right every time about the guys I like they always end up leaving, and it's too the point I am so use to it and I am becoming so much worst with being insecure and needy in all aspects. I always feel alone and I crave love and affection way too much, and it isn't just with people I'm I like it's everyone I just feel so needy and desperate and weak and I just feel like I need someone to fix me which I know isn't good. Also let me clarify because I know I sound like a psycho stalker I have NEVER stalked anyone it has never gotten to that point where I stand outside someone's house or anything. The only person I ever put endanger is myself when these things happen mainly with guys I become more depressed to the point I am ready to end my life. I was working with my therapist for two years now he says I do this because I seen my mom stay with people who mistreat her, and I did see her getting abused multiple times badly but I don't know if that's why I'm the way I am there are speculations I was molested as well I remember some stuff but nothing crystal clear. Sometimes I feel I am so needy and annoying because all my life my mother has chosen men over me, and I never had a father although I had a grandmother but she struggled with depression as well so she's not a great person to talk to all the time back then. Anyway how do I fix this any suggestions any same here's?

You don't sound like a stalker. You sound like someone who has problems with romantic/intimate relationships, is aware of it, and is working on it.

I don't know how to fix it. I have problems with relationships myself. I'm over 50 and am staying away from them for now until I feel better able to deal with one.

As far as suggestions for what to do, about all I can suggest is maybe group therapy with people who are dealing with a similar problem. This can be psychotherapy or a 12-step group (not sure exactly which one would be right - you'd have to check to see what's available in your area.)

You could concentrate on other areas of your life (work, hobbies, making friends) for a while. You may need to take a break from dating/relationships and concentrate on strengthening yourself.

I know when I was in relationships that ended badly, it was very stressful and would make my depression and anxiety get worse. I really needed a period of time to "recover" before I tried another one.

I hope that you'll be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Relationship problems are really common. People on this forum discuss all kinds of problems from what you're describing to being emotionally distant and not able to connect with people to being too anxious to talk to anyone in the first place.

Just maybe recognize that seeing a guy, going on a date, having a relationship, even though it is a very normal life activity, is a little more risky for you because of your problems with depression. You need to feel strong and choose carefully who you get involved with. This is self-care.

Good luck to you. I hope you'll post here more. This is a good support community.

Denseheartofglass hi, sorry you feel so desperate, you sound like a lovely person who has been hurt by her early experiences as your T said, seeing Mom in trouble is so hard for a child and you learn what you see. You show huge courage sharing here and addressing this in therapy. Jo has some good suggestions. I have problems with relationships myself but different from yours as we are all different. There are enough caring people on this site, continue posting and responding to other threads and you will find people who understand. I find responding to people helps me too. Best wishes on your journey. Try to be kind to yourself and understanding of your feelings, you're entitled to feel what you feel. I hope you find a way to live more comfortably you're worth as much as anyone else.

I can definitely relate