[RenouncedTroglodyte]

I left a lot of people scarred forever because I'm such an idiot. I lost a lot of people, people I really loved, and I'm hurting those who are with me, and they will forever be scarred and will never be the same with me again. I really didn't mean it, I just don't know how to control my emotions. I love them so much, and they're now hurting because of me.

I broke a heart today, and this person has been a real mentor to me, and the worst part is that I didn't know that I actually did hurt that person. No one has treated me in such respectful ways more than that individual, no one has been more insightful even. I just want to say I'm sorry, but that isn't enough.

No one can argue against the fact that I'm not a good person. I know that I'm not

[hpocus]

You said yourself, you just can't control your emotions well. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Start with saying sorry. Give the person time to get over the shock of whatever happened. If they are as decent a person as you say they are, they will come back to you, and show you how to not repeat your behavior.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Renounced,

"No one can argue against the fact that I'm not a good person. I know that I'm not"
I can argue against that thought, because I know that you are a good person!!

But it does sound like you're hurting and extremely down on yourself
I am sorry people have walked away from you, but I really don't think you've/you're hurt/hurting people as much as you think if you've/you're hurt/hurting people at all.
I'd say some ideals you have for yourself may just be impossible to live up to, and in the reality others may not even expect you to be living up anywhere near to those ideals you've set yourself........not because you're you, but because you're human

And some of that compassion you have for others, and how they might be feeling, how's about turning that around on yourself, hey??

And if you think you're hurting people just keep up the communication, hey?? Everyone can hurt people at times for different reasons e.g. unintentionally, because they're hurting themselves, because they're scared..........but things can sometimes still be OK with a bit of open communication and understanding

And hey, I almost forgot this bit.........you're not an idiot either!!

Alison

[BBB2]

You're only human. Hurting each other by mistake is what we humans do. We're all guilty of it.
You gave me a "hug" the other day. That made me feel better. I am grateful for that. You made me feel better - you deserve to feel at least a tiny bit good about that.
You're hurting over your mistakes now. But, it will get better. That doesn't mean you will stop caring, but you will able to move on.
You said that sorry isn't enough. But, maybe it's a start. Saying sorry goes a long way to healing relationships. Don't give up on this person. Give it time.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Renounced,

"No one can argue against the fact that I'm not a good person. I know that I'm not"
I can argue against that thought, because I know that you are a good person!!

But it does sound like you're hurting and extremely down on yourself
I am sorry people have walked away from you, but I really don't think you've/you're hurt/hurting people as much as you think if you've/you're hurt/hurting people at all.
I'd say some ideals you have for yourself may just be impossible to live up to, and in the reality others may not even expect you to be living up anywhere near to those ideals you've set yourself........not because you're you, but because you're human

And some of that compassion you have for others, and how they might be feeling, how's about turning that around on yourself, hey??

And if you think you're hurting people just keep up the communication, hey?? Everyone can hurt people at times for different reasons e.g. unintentionally, because they're hurting themselves, because they're scared..........but things can sometimes still be OK with a bit of open communication and understanding

And hey, I almost forgot this bit.........you're not an idiot either!!

Alison

Thank you Alison!! It never was enough just thanking you

Sometimes I feel like I did hurt people on purpose because my mood takes over me every time, and I can't control whatever comes out of my mouth or my behavior, but I really never meant for anything to be personal against anybody, I just lack the intuition and self control when it comes to relationships. If I was angry, I will look angry and people will take it personally, if I was sad I look sad, even though I can wear my mask pretty well, but sometimes my mood can be more intense for me to handle.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by BBB2

You're only human. Hurting each other by mistake is what we humans do. We're all guilty of it.
You gave me a "hug" the other day. That made me feel better. I am grateful for that. You made me feel better - you deserve to feel at least a tiny bit good about that.
You're hurting over your mistakes now. But, it will get better. That doesn't mean you will stop caring, but you will able to move on.
You said that sorry isn't enough. But, maybe it's a start. Saying sorry goes a long way to healing relationships. Don't give up on this person. Give it time.

Thank you B Just knowing that I made someone feel better, makes me hopeful beyond imagination, and if one hug did make you feel better, then here's another one Big hugs to you

It's my goal in life, to make people feel better, and generally make them better people. And you're right, being sorry will be a threshold to a better relationship for sure, and I remember being sorry a lot, and I actually did address it to people, but they changed on me, as if they didn't forgive me or forget what I've done, even though they tend to hurt me a lot, and never once seemed upset about it, but I don't care, I like to be the one who fixes it after it was ruined, but I apparently do a terrible job at that, since I still make a mess when I touch anything.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree, if this is a decent person they will do this....

Originally Posted by hpocus

You said yourself, you just can't control your emotions well. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Start with saying sorry. Give the person time to get over the shock of whatever happened. If they are as decent a person as you say they are, they will come back to you, and show you how to not repeat your behavior.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Renounced,

It can be about finding a balance between self control and being able to express your feelings can't it?? Because good relationships aren't always about the "good stuff" (or wearing masks!!) but sometimes as much about being able to express some of those "negative" feelings/thoughts and how you both manage/work through those as well.
Of course with some feelings it can help to try to look at things from different angles, or more rationally, or more objectively first or even, if you need to, with that someone else if it helps. Alongside making it clear to them that it's not personal if it's not.
And lots of different things you can try for trying to handling emotions, the harder part can be about finding things that work for you though of course ..........but CBT (some resources are online), anger management techniques, grounding techniques, relaxation, "time out".................
But remember you are "allowed" to have some "negative" emotions in relationships and to share them, in fact sometimes that can be healthy.



Alison

[TheLifeFantastic]

Does a bad person ask the question, "Am I a good person?" I would say that most of them do not. They are most likely set in their ways, and cannot be persuaded to see it any other way. I think if you really do consider the question above, then that is a question that a good person would ask.

I don't think the majority of the people in history we see as good sat down everyday, and thought, "Man I'm a good person". I would think they would sit down and think, "How can I fix this problem, How can I be better, and how can I treat my fellow people better".

If you feel that you have truly wronged someone. Then the best thing to do is apologize even if they do not accept. It is better to say I'm sorry then simply ignore the feelings about what you have done.

[littletinyrock]

I don't know what you've done, Renounced, but I don't believe you're a bad person. When someone is looking hard at their behavior, recognizing where they went wrong, and working to improve, that's not bad. Perhaps you've done "bad" things. Perhaps you've hurt people. These acts alone don't define you. What you do in response does.

You say you want to apologize. An apology can't change what's been done, but if it's appropriate--ie the person you're apologizing to is still speaking to you and is not frightened or angered by any contact--an apology will go a long way towards healing.

This is meant for kids, but I've found this incredibly useful as an adult as well: A Better Way to Say Sorry from cuppacocoa dot com

I'm sorry for... [Be specific. Show the person you're apologizing to that you understand what they are upset about. This is about how they've been hurt, not your feelings and guilt.]
This is wrong because… [This is one of the most important parts and will take some thinking. You need to understand what hurt them and why. Again, this is about empathizing with how they feel and not just whatever guilty feelings depression might be sparking.]
In the future, I will… [Positive language! Say what you're going to do, not what you won't do.]
Will you forgive me? [They don't have to forgive you. They may not. Accept that. But if you want to reconcile, asking for forgiveness is necessary. However they respond, respect it. If they say they forgive you, they've forgiven you. Don't make it harder on them by continuing to try to assuage your guilt!]

Whether they accept your apology or not, remember what you've promised to do in the future to avoid causing hurt. Try to stick to that, while recognizing you're human and may continue to stumble and make mistakes. Forgive yourself as well.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree, if this is a decent person they will do this....

Hi,
In my opinion, it depends on the level of the offense or the many times one has offended the other person. I am perhaps at the other side of the problem. I have a brother with behavioral issues and many people including me are just tired. For me, an apology from my brother will not be enough. I am having a lot of problems to forgive my brother despite I suspect there are reasons behind his lack of control that he cannot control for the moment.
If i could offer the perspective of somebody that has been (repitedily) offended by somebody that has behavioral issues I would like to see this person not only apologizing but assuming full responsibility of his acts and looking for help to overcome his issues. Otherwise, what I really want is to get away from the person. I do not think my brother or any person with control issues are bad people at all. But I think they have to do something to improve. They have to be proactive.
Sorry if I am blunt, I do feel your pain, but also I acknowledge the pain you may be causing. I have faith there are solutions and you will be able to tackle your impulses.
A big hug

[(JD)]

truly bad people don't have any regrets!

[Fuzzybear]