[Cosmickid]

I've suffered from depression for years and a recent experience has really sent me on a downward spiral. For the past five years I've volunteered weekly with a cat rescue. Over that time, the founder of the rescue and I have become close friends...or so I thought. Last week, I showed up and learned that we had an outbreak of a deadly virus. Two kittens were dead and the entire facility likely was exposed, so we will probably lose 20-30 more kittens. I was numb. We've already lost over 10 kittens this season from another virus and it's been very difficult on everyone. I proceeded to do my volunteer duties and my friend came in. I must have had a look of horror on my face, as she kept asking what was wrong. I finally said that I'd reached my limit on death and didn't know if I could continue volunteering. Instead of getting any empathy or support, the angry response was, "We have ONE bad kitten season..." I was incredibly hurt, as I have spent countless hours listening to her talk about wanting to give up running a rescue, etc. and there was no reciprocity. I told her just that in a follow-up email, which was ignored.

She took a passive-aggressive swipe at me on FB, saying that the hardest part of the situation was dealing with volunteers whose feelings "apparently" take front row. (And then in another quintessentially passive aggressive move, put me on her FB restricted list. Just unfriend me and be done with it!) I didn't approach her and dump on her, she got in my face and pushed until I said something. I don't understand how that makes me a selfish person who thinks her feelings take precedence.

I now seem to be persona non grata. Today I will show up there to cover for another volunteer because I'm a team player and I will show up for my regular shift tomorrow. And I'll do that full of Ativan, which I've never taken before, because I don't know how to handle being around all these dying animals without meds. I'm not a pill girl, so that says something.

I didn't run screaming and abandon ship with no notice, I simply was honest. That honesty seems to have cost me a valuable friendship and likely the opportunity to continue to be involved with an organization that I've helped build. My depression is so much worse than last week as a result.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Cosmickid,

I'm really sorry she treated you that way
All I can say is that maybe she's extremely stressed or struggling and just "lashing out" at anybody, or perhaps she's losing the passion for the actual work at the facility and becoming cold/indifferent to the nature of it/others there??
But I can completely understand how her attitude towards you "coming out of the blue" when you had such natural feelings of shock/grief about the kittens must have hurt a lot
And especially from someone you would have thought, if anything more than anyone, would/should understand and offer you empathy and support!! I am sorry.

And the volunteering...........well firstly massive kudos to you for the devotion and commitment you've put in for such a long time!!!
But it must be awful for you to experience so many of the kittens you've looked after dying, so if you wanted to quit and find other voluntary work then that would be completely understandable. I'd just say maybe give yourself a little more time to really think about it as this has mattered so much to you and you have only just found out about this virus.
And in thinking about it, try your best to take this person out of the equation, they clearly aren't "helpful or supportive" to you right now.
And I think, from your caring nature, you can do what you do without the need for their supportiveness. And if you need support with your feelings about the kittens.......then maybe you can turn to a colleague, maybe a friend or family member or maybe us.
Instead consider the work and how you feel about the work itself. Please, as far as you can, try not to let this person taint how you feel about what you do.
If you need to move on, absolutely do that (!!!) but worth reflecting on a bit??

And the depression..........I can see how all of this...........the kittens........her..........could be so triggering for you
So try to look out for yourself in all of this, hey?? And put top of the list what you might need e.g. "time out", time to do things that might help you a little, a break, some self-care, getting some more help/support with that.........just make sure you're thinking of yourself plenty in all of this.



Alison

[vital]

Originally Posted by Cosmickid

I've suffered from depression for years and a recent experience has really sent me on a downward spiral. For the past five years I've volunteered weekly with a cat rescue. Over that time, the founder of the rescue and I have become close friends...or so I thought. Last week, I showed up and learned that we had an outbreak of a deadly virus. Two kittens were dead and the entire facility likely was exposed, so we will probably lose 20-30 more kittens. I was numb. We've already lost over 10 kittens this season from another virus and it's been very difficult on everyone. I proceeded to do my volunteer duties and my friend came in. I must have had a look of horror on my face, as she kept asking what was wrong. I finally said that I'd reached my limit on death and didn't know if I could continue volunteering. Instead of getting any empathy or support, the angry response was, "We have ONE bad kitten season..." I was incredibly hurt, as I have spent countless hours listening to her talk about wanting to give up running a rescue, etc. and there was no reciprocity. I told her just that in a follow-up email, which was ignored.

She took a passive-aggressive swipe at me on FB, saying that the hardest part of the situation was dealing with volunteers whose feelings "apparently" take front row. (And then in another quintessentially passive aggressive move, put me on her FB restricted list. Just unfriend me and be done with it!) I didn't approach her and dump on her, she got in my face and pushed until I said something. I don't understand how that makes me a selfish person who thinks her feelings take precedence.

I now seem to be persona non grata. Today I will show up there to cover for another volunteer because I'm a team player and I will show up for my regular shift tomorrow. And I'll do that full of Ativan, which I've never taken before, because I don't know how to handle being around all these dying animals without meds. I'm not a pill girl, so that says something.

I didn't run screaming and abandon ship with no notice, I simply was honest. That honesty seems to have cost me a valuable friendship and likely the opportunity to continue to be involved with an organization that I've helped build. My depression is so much worse than last week as a result.

Hi Cosmickid,

Most likely, if you just show up, do your stuff and forget about it, it will all blow over. That's what usually happens. It might help to consider that your co-worker might have been feeling very bad about the kittens also.

For me, you popping the Ativan is the most alarming thing. Benzos seem very dangerous - highly addictive and at least correlated with serious brain problems later in life:

Benzodiazepine Use and Risk of Alzheimer's Disease - Mad In America

- vital

[Fizzyo]

Hi Cosmickid, you hav had a traumatic time, so Be kind to yourself. Alison is talking sense, she seems to understand. As far as Benzodiazepines go, I understand you feeling you needed the Ativan. They are strictly for short term or occasional use as I'm sure you know. You and your doctor can decide whether the benefits outweigh the risks. I really feel for you and wish you all the best as you try to find your way forward. don't forget

[Juniebug]

Good for you for going back!! That is a feat in itself, and you should feel proud about that. Being a cat person myself, I completely understand how devastating it would feel to lose any of them. Try to stay focused on the good you're doing for them, and don't let this person make you feel bad for what is a normal reaction. Also, don't feel bad for taking the Ativan. I take it myself to take the edge off things, and it's not gonna mess up your life if you need to take it sometimes. Hugs to you and the kitties.

[Fizzyo]