Really Struggling

I don’t even know if i can type a long message. I have struggled with an ed and depression/ anxiety as well as self harm for ~ 5 years now triggered mainly by my abusive and manipulative family. I am currently home for the summer and I am having a hard time keeping perspective being surrounded by my toxic family. Additionally, I am in the closet about my sexuality which is causing more stress (my family is very conservative and christian). Because of my depression I have lost one of my best friends. I am pretty much in love with my other best friend but they do not reciprocate the feelings. I have recently relapsed in my ed and I want to start self harming again… I am feeling very down and losing pretty much all hope. This is probably really disjointed and lacks a lot of detail but idk. I feel very disposable and unimportant because in all honesty I am. I am a burden to my family and people do not like me (i have one friend at this point— the one i love). None of my passions matter to me anymore either and even if they did I feel like im always in a dissociative state so I never feel “there” idk im just looking for an ounce of light.

What's going on with your friendships? Have you always kept to a limited number of friends to associate with? I ask as you mentioned being down to just one person, and that you're in love with them. It's a slippery slope to rely on only one person. Reaching out here is a positive step.
Family is family, too many of us have family stories to share. It gets more hopeful once independent of them, still challenging, but hopeful.

What a struggle you're having. Remember the summer will end if you can make it through each day and hour, you will get there. I believe that as a human being you are important and valuable and definitely NOT disposable. I hope by reaching out here you will find more confidence to make friends in the 'real' world too.

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. I know it must be hard not being able to be honest about your sexuality with your family. Do you have someone you can talk to about your problems? Have you sought counseling? Sounds like it might help. I hope things get better for you soon. Life has a way of changing just when we least expect it to. Good luck.

Hi amberocean,

I don't know about being in the closet & such, but I know that family can make things much more stressful and much worse.

Here's what I know about depression

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

Hello,
Sounds like your experiencing hopelessness. I don't know if my post will help you and you may have just felt the need to vent as many of us do. You can know that my experience is different to yours but i realized that we here that suffer chronically might share at least one thing at certain times. And that's hopelessness. I had 2 very bad days in a row recently that had me convinced i could not take anymore. I survived and then i read another article in a psych journal and something occurred to me. Depression is complex and since we don't know you and what you have done we can't just present a solution. But hopelessness leads me to give up. How can I get any better if I give up? There is nothing easy about any of this but if I want to live then I have to keep trying to get out.

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