[LelouchLamperouge]

Having trouble going to sleep right now..and I need to get up early in only a few short hours... Right now I'm just thinking of how I feel like I've only been existing and not really "living". I'm not sure if I've ever at all been "living" and taking advantage of life.

I haven't been triggered or had a severe episode lately but I don't and haven't had a desire to live or appreciate my life like a normal person does either. I'm just pushing forward through these days with no real sense of purpose or value...I'm trying to give myself a chance with an actual last ditch effort to improve my wellbeing before I ever may decide to attempt again to send myself into the abyss...I don't know...I guess you could say I just feel like a empty shell as of late...each day is surviving instead of "living". Not sure how to really fully articulate or describe my thoughts right now...I don't know. I guess it's because it's 5am...time to try get a little bit of sleep before I have to wake up...

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Fuzzybear]

[gayleggg]

I can sympathize. I feel that way a lot.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[puzzclar]

Same here. Just know you are not alone. Things take time to change but they can change, if we let the change happen.

[hpocus]

I do that too. I've decided not to worry about the fact that I can't care for anything. I make goals every day and I force myself to reach them. It could be something as simple as going to the library to drop off books. In a way I'm going through the motions, but it's working like a safety net, keeping me from falling further.

[gpacoffee]

I feel like that most of my days also. I feel as if I'm just existing day to day. I wish I could get out of this mood

[gpacoffee]

I feel that way too. I am only existing and going through the motions; having people believe everything is ok. That's what they want to hear, that I'm ok and not in a "mood". I wish there was a way to get out of this funk.

[i dont matter]

I have no magical answers for you......

The ONLY thing that comes to mind is doing charity work.?.?.?

[CosmicRose]

Sometimes I think this feeling is actually just apart of life. Who told us we were supposed to be happy every day? Really? What if life sometimes consists of feeling "eh" about everything for awhile. Maybe that's not inherently a bad thing. Maybe just letting that be okay is what needs to happen.

[Rosebud365]

Just know that you're not alone.
Same thoughts run in my head every single day.

[mountainstream]

[PositiveVibes]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

Having trouble going to sleep right now..and I need to get up early in only a few short hours... Right now I'm just thinking of how I feel like I've only been existing and not really "living". I'm not sure if I've ever at all been "living" and taking advantage of life.

I haven't been triggered or had a severe episode lately but I don't and haven't had a desire to live or appreciate my life like a normal person does either. I'm just pushing forward through these days with no real sense of purpose or value...I'm trying to give myself a chance with an actual last ditch effort to improve my wellbeing before I ever may decide to attempt again to send myself into the abyss...I don't know...I guess you could say I just feel like a empty shell as of late...each day is surviving instead of "living". Not sure how to really fully articulate or describe my thoughts right now...I don't know. I guess it's because it's 5am...time to try get a little bit of sleep before I have to wake up...


Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

I understand how you feel. I feel that way at times. Just pushing forward. My body is there but the mind is not. I just try to push for my kids. I tell myself I am here for a purpose. We all are here for a purpose. Even if it is just to share your experience with someone to make them feel better. Stay strong. Hugs

[waterknob1234]

I feel the same way. I feel like I am just existing. I know how you feel.

[IrisBloom]

[JustTvTroping]

I used to feel that way a lot, but after a while I just decided to just roll with it and do whatever. People have been giving so many different answers to what what a life's "purpose" is suppose to be. After hearing most of those answers, I just gave up, chucked that list out the window and ended up being a little bit of a closeted hedonist. I'm honestly not sure why I'm still alive, so I just thought that as long as I'm here, I may as well experience stuff like tasting new recipes, listening to my music, and dancing my butt off when no one's around. I'm sure you'll find your way of coping too (you'll probably have an easier time than I did).

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

Having trouble going to sleep right now..and I need to get up early in only a few short hours... Right now I'm just thinking of how I feel like I've only been existing and not really "living". I'm not sure if I've ever at all been "living" and taking advantage of life.

Same here. I am like walking dead. No joy, no purpose, no love. Just going thru the motions. I only get out bed and eat meals out of habit.

We all need to get more connected, and not online. I think that is the key. Isolation destroys us.

[puzzclar]

You're right isolation can kill us. That's why we have to work extra hard to not.

[lonely-and-sad]

I have felt the same as all of you. Even now my life is a mess and I have thoughts that I cannot fix it. If I did find a permanent answer to my chronic depression its unlikely that exactly what worked for me will work for you. What I think I can suggest is that if what you are trying now is not working see if you can find it within you to try something else.

For myself lately I have been trying to be mindful that I have not tried everything. Obviously there are some things with zero evidence and others that I find ridiculous. I am not referring to anything without evidence here.

I think it is important to not rule out an entire field which may be of help. For example, for me to state with certainty that exercise cannot help me would be to rule out that it will ever under any circumstance and using any combination would be of any help. The same applies with medications.

[Yoda]

I can relate to what you are feeling.

Is it possible for you to have a cat or dog where you live?

[LelouchLamperouge]

I'm amazed that I received so many responses and glad that many if not all of us can relate to each other. It gives me comfort to know that I am not the only one feeling like this on a every day basis.

Originally Posted by BudFox

Same here. I am like walking dead. No joy, no purpose, no love. Just going thru the motions. I only get out bed and eat meals out of habit.

We all need to get more connected, and not online. I think that is the key. Isolation destroys us.

Isolation is one of the things that will be the most difficult to change if at all even possible. I doubt and I'm not even sure if i can. My T has also emphasized the negative impact of my isolation to me in my recent couple of sessions. I grew up having extreme difficulty socializing, being/becoming extremely introverted, having a severe negative self image/poor self esteem, etc. Growing up as a child, I also became someone who really hates burdening/bothering other people which isolates me from the world even more. This is, which my T recently pointed out, most likely a result of my childhood and the way I grew up within my family and the household.

Originally Posted by Yoda

I can relate to what you are feeling.

Is it possible for you to have a cat or dog where you live?

I do have a dog. She is the most important thing to me more so than even my own family. She means the world to me especially as I don't have friends, etc and is a huge significance in my life. But I've been feeling incredibly guilty because I have to keep her outside ever since I moved back with my family and I hate myself for it. When I used to live on my own, she was always close to me and even slept beside me. Sometimes she is the only thing that is standing between me from taking my own life but other times I really hate myself because she deserves far better than me and deserves a better home/family.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

Isolation is one of the things that will be the most difficult to change if at all even possible. I doubt and I'm not even sure if i can. My T has also emphasized the negative impact of my isolation to me in my recent couple of sessions. I grew up having extreme difficulty socializing, being/becoming extremely introverted, having a severe negative self image/poor self esteem, etc. Growing up as a child, I also became someone who really hates burdening/bothering other people which isolates me from the world even more. This is, which my T recently pointed out, most likely a result of my childhood and the way I grew up within my family and the household.

I have a lot of those same tendencies. I most certainly think it is the result of early childhood survival strategies and coping mechanisms. It's not like a defect or weakness, it's learned behavior that allows us to survive early on. But when it becomes the defining aspect of adult life then you are in trouble. What about a support group of some sort?

[LelouchLamperouge]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I have a lot of those same tendencies. I most certainly think it is the result of early childhood survival strategies and coping mechanisms. It's not like a defect or weakness, it's learned behavior that allows us to survive early on. But when it becomes the defining aspect of adult life then you are in trouble. What about a support group of some sort?

I don't know. I have always rejected and was put off by groups because I'm scared to death of them. Sharing my inner most personal life details and issues with not just one person but with a group of strangers? Especially with it being things that I hate and am embarrassed/ashamed about. Yea...no thanks, that's what my T is for. But honestly...it could be something that might be beneficial for me. Maybe sometime in the future...if and when I may feel up to it.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk