What keeps us around?????

For me, I have a 16yo daughter - whom I fear it would really, really mess up. My 19yo daughter is tough enough that it would upset her for a short time - but she would move on just fine.

Lately it simply feels like the darkness is winning. I see this all ending "badly".

Hey, "I DO Matter"!

Try to have hope, try as hard as you can to not anticipate and believe that the anticipation is true. The more you overthink, the more lost you'll feel

Hi IDM,

Hey, enough worrying about your daughters if..........all attention on you now, what you're going through and finding ways to make it through, hey??
You're the one who needs the caring/help..........and that's now
I know your faith in doctors is kind of "running out" but maybe an emergency appointment?? Pressing them into seeing the reality for you right now........not taking "No" for an answer, because of course you deserve more than that.
And maybe clinging to/holding onto any spark in the darkness...........you know you have made it through so much before, at times it probably felt like you never would, but you did.
And things did get "better" than they were.
So maybe as well re-evaluating things that might help (even just a little!!) and the things that don't?? And a bit of a "shake up" in your routine, to suit you, and the way you're feeling now. Like maybe some time of work, maybe more time with your family, maybe talking to your wife, or even if you can't talk to much then "just" being with her and allowing her to give you some "comfort"???
And.........just to say it again an emergency appointment??
All this alongside keeping on talking to us of course, because we care/we're here for you!! So any way we can offer you understanding and support with what you're going through.



Alison

My family. They mean the world to me.

How can we help?

- vital

Hope that I will find a way for things to get better for me. Hope that, by finding the right medication and doing all the other things I can do, I will be happy enough. Call me selfish if you like. Sticking around with this miserable condition for other people's sake just is not enough.

Very nice sentiment. And I thank you - but we all know that nobody else can fix me anymore than I can "fix" you. We are a broken people.

You can be fixed with therapy and the right medication. I have faith in you.

Well, I did get "fixed" a number of years ago; but that is a whole different topic

NO!

When people are depressed, they have out of control ruminating thoughts. This makes them vulnerable to "self-validating" negative thoughts. For instance, you have thoughts like

"We are a broken people."

"I don't matter"...."I don't matter"....."I don't matter"...."I don't matter"...

These are thoughts which DO become true, but only because you keep thinking them. The more you think them, the more they become true. You keep thinking them because of their high emotional content. The more they become true, the more convincing they are to you. It is a mental trap.

- vital

Chicken and the egg........

Or I could say - if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...... then it is probably a duck.

I would say, for me, it's that I'm too afraid to do myself in. I'm afraid that an attempt will not be successful and I would have to live with it. There isn't much in the line of people that keeps me going. Though I do have one friend who tells me, "don't go!" I know that he would be broken up.

I think that many others would be broken up if I did myself in a lot more than I realize. I think it would be that way for you, too.

Right now, in my life, I feel like things are going pretty good. I don't feel depressed now. But I have before. And there were times when I'd be feeling pretty good, like now, and then come crashing down.

my mom. well, she says if i kill myself that she will do it too (perhaps that's manipulative?)... apart from her i have no friends, and i don't think my dad really cares. however, more and more it's been hard to live solely for others. people don't realize or appreciate how much i hurt so they can have me around a little longer. it's starting to be not worth it anymore. i still don't do it though, because i'm afraid of what would happen if i failed. so i just suffer.

Hi i don't matter.

Please consider this carefully.

These thoughts that you are having, like

"I don't matter"...."I don't matter"...."I don't matter"....

are extremely captivating to your mind. Are they true or not? What does this mean for your life? What's going to happen to my family? These are very important questions. Your whole future, your family's future, everything depends on whether this is true or not, so, naturally, the urge to think about them is very strong.

This is a trick. It is a trap. It is depression's sneakiest trap. These thoughts are hiding the underlying problem, but the problem does not have anything to do with your particular thoughts or the particular feelings that come with them. It makes no difference. It doesn't even matter whether they are true are not. The essential problem is not those particular thoughts or the particular feelings you have. The essential problem is how thoughts and feelings are coming into your mind in general:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital

I'm immortal, so I have no choice but to stick around.

Is there anything else you can try? We do not know you or what you have done. You might be like me and have suffered depression for decades and know that simple solutions are not going to cut it. But for me there is still some medications i have not tried. That keeps me going. There is evidence the earlier the intervention the better the outcome. I suffered with depression for FAR too long before I got medical advice.

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It's never too late. Your life is worth fighting for!

Now THAT is funny.

Two nephews...one almost 4 and one just over 4 weeks.

Amen to this. I feel so happy for people for whom therapy and/or medication has worked. But what about those of us with treatment-resistant disorders? What about those of us who have been debilitated by depression or anxiety for so long that we didn't develop properly? Some of us are inherently broken people, and I wish others could understand this.

I stick around for my parents. I've been told my maternal grandfather committed suicide before I was born, and it devastated his family. I have no direct experience but I believe that suicide impacts the survivors very badly. I won't do that to my parents, whom I love very much.

But once they're gone... Who knows. I know I should just enjoy this life to the fullest because it's the only one I get and there's nothing but oblivion afterward. But sometimes oblivion sounds so sweet.

For me it is my late wife's 4 Chihuahua's. They were her fur-kid babies and they clung to her each and every day. I did promise to care for them, if/when she did pass, so here I am caring for them.

They are middle aged, around 7 to 10 years amongst the group of 4, so knowing how long Chihuahua's tend to stick around I've probably got another 5 to 8 years or so with them. After they pass and I add their ashes to my wife's, I am not sure why I would stick around...

Curiosity on how humanity works out over the next 40 years or so?

See if virtual reality technology develops to the point of total immersion (aka The Matrix), so I can escape to a new reality?

I don't have any agenda at this time, so unless something unforeseen happens, I guess this damn will to live thing will keep me around until the bitter end.

For me it is my daughter. She is what keeps me going.

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My little nephew I guess.