I'm so depressed, I can't draw anymore?

I've been depressed for almost 8 years. I gave up on art a couple of years ago because I was too depressed. Well, it actually started a bit before that in escalation, but 2 years ago was definitely my threshold. I lost interest in everything, including art. I still enjoy it, and still see stuff from my favorite artists, I just don't have the energy to motivate myself. Whenever I get that sudden rare inspiration to draw, it never lasts long, and I give up before I've barely started. Since It's been so long since I've drawn, so I'm not as good, and that doesn't help much with my self esteem and motivation. The only time I would catch myself drawing was in a really boring class lectures, I would only sketch a bit, and never completed any WIP's. I want to get back into it, but at the same time, I don't care about if I do anymore. As much as I am quite indifferent to drawing now, there's still a part of me that clings to it. Art was the only "passion" I had in life, my only other hobby being Motion Graphics, but that hobby is long gone too. Art was my reason to keep going, to become a great artist and make loads of stories.
I refuse to go the the doctor and get any medication for reasons that'll take too long to explain, and it's not like I can tell someone about it since I have Schizoid PD. I was wondering if you guys have any suggestions..? I've always been bored with life, but now it just feels so much more monotonous. I'm quite hopeless with my depression, but I feel like having art back in my life will at least make my mine a bit better.

Ziriux:

One thing I have learned as a writer is that I have to do it if I want to do it.

I have not written much in the last year and half due to dep, even tho I used to do it all the time. I am trying to get back in the habit of writing just a little, maybe even just 500 words or so, each day.

Just a suggestion, but maybe you could start just doodling, getting some ideas to work on later?

Killian

I'm the same way with my writing with added thing that I can't feel any joy from it and I know I've also self sabotaged opportunities too.

Hi! I'm new at this, so I'm sorry if this isn't enough help. I know exactly how you feel. The only difference is that I didn't draw (although I wish I did) but I used to write. However, some months ago and due to my actual mental condition, I've lost interest in writing and everytime I try to it feels wrong, like it's not the same anymore. Sometimes it seems I've lost the ability to write, that I don't have the same talent I used to have. I know that's almost impossible because our talent never gets lost but it's just how I feel and like you, it really affects my self-esteem and motivation because it used to be one of the only things I was very good at. The key to gain your motivation back, I think, is to look for inspiration around you and in all the things that you see. Keep drawing even if you don't feel like it because sometimes the hardest part is to start and once you start, the motivation comes crawling back. When I'm out of inspiration, I try to read a book and it helps me gain some of it. But, make sure that you draw because you want to and because it's your escape and not because you feel obligated to. Sometimes we just lose our interest in things and that's okay too.

I agree with Killian, even if you doodle, it moves you in the right direction. You don't have to accomplish a huge amount. Just move in the right direction. Each session will become easier. My thoughts are with you.

I've tried before but I guess I didn't have the energy to continue and just gave up completely? Maybe I'll try again though, thank you, I guess baby steps is the way to go. Never thought I'd be getting artistic advice from Killian Jones, I hope you find your way back to writing.

I guess self sabotage is just our thing, but I hope you find you way back to writing, I'll try my best to do so as well.